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PRETTY SNOW!!! Mathieu Lewis-Rolland

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Look, that freak (but admittedly PRETTY) snowstorm last night was truly a harbinger for climate change—so if all you kids could please stop celebrating getting out of school today, that would be great. Instead, perhaps you'd like to forgo TikTok for 20 seconds and read some NEWS??


• Here's a story that got buried over the weekend, but should not be missed: A bunch of local big business folk and power brokers are reportedly spending a LOT of money (up to $700,000) to torpedo the campaign of Portland's first Black woman elected to city council, Jo Ann Hardesty, and get her replaced with a more business-and-cop-friendly candidate, Vadim Mozyrsky. (Gee, I wonder who could be behind such a dark money effort? Annnnnnnd... cue the segue!)

• In a very much related story, the ballot measure written by local anti-tourism/anti-houseless persons group People for Portland was SHUT DOWN by the Metro Regional Government's legal team, due to the clearly unconstitutional language that tried to subvert the will of the people. (You can expect P4P to respond in the same manner as most babies—crying because they didn't get their way.) Our Alex Zielinski has more on the debacle.

• A federal judge is allowing Oregon prisoners to file a class-action lawsuit against state leaders for the fucking ABYSMAL treatment and slow action they endured during the pandemic, in which 45 inmates died and more than 5,000 caught the COVID virus due to lax protocols.

• After more than 50 years with the Portland Trail Blazers—and coining the term "Rip City"—beloved broadcaster Bill Schonely is retiring, and he was (rightly!) honored at last night's game against the Utah Jazz. Bon voyage, sweet Bill!


• Russia is amassing thousands of troops and hundreds of tanks and other military vehicles (to be led by a cruel new general) as they move into the eastern region of Ukraine—a situation that could turn very, very bad for the people there as experts predict the outcome will be "brutal." Meanwhile, the mayor of Mariupol says that more than 10,000 civilians have been killed in the city since the Russian's siege started a month ago.

• A sharp increase in COVID cases has inspired Philadelphia to reinstate their indoor mask mandate in an attempt to stop a new wave of infections.

• President Biden announced that his Justice Department is finalizing plans to crack down on "ghost guns"—privately made firearms without serial numbers—to slow the escalating murder rate across the country (while also trying to get a toe-hold in gun reform legislation that is continually stymied by Republicans and gun nuts).

• Speaking of Republican gun nuts, a former Virginia police officer who fucked around and participated in the January 6 domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol has been found guilty of all six charges leveled against him. Ha-Ha-and-HA!

• AHOY THERE, STONERS! The SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short, hilarious, trippy, and thoughtful mini-movies about cannabis and made by stoners just like YOU—is coming to Revolution Hall for one night only on Saturday, April 16! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW! (And speaking of the munchies, your favorite week of the year is almost here: It's the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK featuring $3 specialty slices at 28 locations across the Portland area, starting Monday, April 18-24. Eat 'em up!)

• And finally, have a great evening... you know... like this guy!