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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! It's gonna be (somewhat) cooler this week with highs only reaching an unseasonable 82 by Wednesday, and... is that RAIN I see in the forecast for this weekend? Now, let's check in on some occasionally unseasonable NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Today in "Rules only apply to some people": For the third time this year, Portland Police have refused to identify the name of an officer who shot a member of the public—even though they are required to by city policy. Our Alex Zielinski digs into it.

• OH! And speaking of cops: For all of you who still think the Portland Police were "defunded," allow me to disabuse you of that delusion: They absolutely were not, and in fact their budget is bigger than ever. And for those who still don't believe it, you should probably read THIS.

• If you aren't already terrified by the authoritarian-lite direction Portland and Oregon is heading, you may want to check out this deep dive from the New York Times about the money being pumped into Republican campaigns across the state. In particular, note that even Democrat Mayor Ted Wheeler said he "would not rule out backing [Betsy] Johnson or [Christine] Drazan"—an insanely dangerous and obstinate statement that MAKES ME WANT TO MURDER THE EARTH.

• Another one of the Portland Timbers primary sponsors, Key Bank, has announced they are "redirecting" their sponsorship money following the recent, scathing report of abuses toward Thorns players from team management—however! Unlike Alaska Airlines, Key Bank is considering redirecting the money to the Thorns as well as other organizations that support women in soccer.

• Here's a reminder for all you sexy people out there... the Mercury is throwing a special one-night only screening of HUMP! 2022 on the big screen at Revolution Hall on Wednesday, October 26—featuring the hottest (and sometimes hilarious) short porn flicks from horn-dogs just like YOU. 

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Running low on precision missiles, Russia has turned to suicide drones to bomb Ukraine—courtesy of their pals in Iran. Today one drone caused the collapse of a residential building in Kyiv, killing four civilians.

• Biden's student loan forgiveness program is now live, and millions are already taking advantage of the easy process, which the White House says will only take five minutes to complete. HERE YA GO!

• Today in "Not at all the least bit shocking": Documents obtained by Congress show that former President Trump fucked over the Secret Service by charging them exorbitant rates (up to $1,185 per night!) to stay in his shitty, garbage hotels. 

• NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 😭

• Circling back to America's authoritarian trajectory, Republicans are becoming increasingly confident they will capture both the House and Senate in the coming midterm election, due to a series of polls that apparently show voters losing their fucking minds and unable to grasp the horror they're about to bring upon themselves.

• And finally... speaking once again about  Portland's brand of "authoritarianism lite," if Rene Gonzalez is elected to city council in November, in just a few months I'M GONNA BE SAYING THIS: