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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Reminder that the super-fun (and SEXY!) final showing of HUMP 2022—America's sweetest li'l porn festival—is TONIGHT at Revolution Hall, so hurry up and get those tickets! Actually... read this NEWS first. Then get those tickets!!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: The public is getting their chance to speak up about Mayor Wheeler (and his proxy Sam Adams), and Commissioner Ryan's convoluted and unfunded plan to criminalize homelessness and put masses of them in three internment camps. Our Alex Zielinski is there now listening to testimony (which apparently is already SPICY), and will file a report. In the meantime, get caught up here.

• Hey! Are you tempted to vote against Charter Reform because wealthy business puppet Commissioner Mingus Mapps says his plan is better? PLEASE watch the following video which does a fantastic, and entertaining job of explaining "proportional representation"—and proves once more and without a doubt Mapps doesn't know what he's talking about. (Shocked?) Vote "yes" on Charter Reform and check out the rest of the Mercury's endorsements here.

• Speaking of elections, the Oregonian asked all the candidates for governor if they would extend the state's moratorium on the death penalty. (Can you guess what the two creepy, death loving Republicans said?)

• Not helping matters, Nike's billionaire co-founder/James Bond villain Phil Knight just pumped another $500,000 into Republican Christine Drazan's campaign. (Have you seen any of Christine's ads by the way? They are absolutely awful, and look like they were filmed by a serial killer on meth.)

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Gotcha, assholes! Three domestic terrorists who plotted to kidnap Wisconsin Governor Gretchen Whitmer (and probably worse) have been convicted of all charges, and hopefully will be buried in a deep hole for the rest of their asshole lives.

• Speaking of domestic terrorists (in office): A judge in Florida has ruled that Governor Ron DeSantis must turn over all records relating to his cruel plan in which he and his fellow GOP shitheads tricked migrants and then flew them to Martha's Vineyard.

• Yet another woman has come forward to say she was pressured by anti-abortion Georgia senate candidate Herschel Walker into having an abortion in 1993.

• Life comes at you fast.

• Cops in St. Louis had previously taken away the AR-15 that shooter Orlando Harris used to kill two and injure many others at a performing arts high school. Authorities currently don't know how the teen got the rifle back.

• Wednesdays, amirite?: "Woman goes to work, gets swallowed whole by 22-foot python."

• And finally... true.