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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! After a too-long pandemic break, it's BACK! It's the Portland Mercury's UNDISPUTABLE GENIUSES OF COMEDY, a live show featuring Portland's best and most talented stand-up comedians and more! Sooooo funny, we promise! Get your tickets now for the January 13 show at Revolution Hall. And now for some not-exactly-funny NEWS (but it has its moments). 


• Today in YOU VOTED FOR HIM: Portland Business Alliance puppet and soon-to-be City Commissioner Rene Gonzalez really goofed up in a disturbing way today. Posting a city-generated map of shootings in Portland on social media, Gonzalez made the case that the shootings directly corresponded with homeless encampments around the city—but, you guessed it, HE WAS WRONG. And while he did write a very short, mewling correction to the social media posts, he put it at the very end... AFTER his loooong, original, inaccurate theory which went untouched. It's certainly one thing for Gonzalez to be a homeless-hating, right-wing pal supporting, foot soldier for Portland's most wealthy... I just wish he was a bit... smarter? 😬

• Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum, Gov. Kate Brown, and the state police superintendent has filed a petition with the state Supreme Court asking them to throw out the ruling made by a Harney County judge that has blocked Measure 114—the tough Oregon gun law—from taking effect. The petition notes the urgent action that's needed, as the delay of the law could affect public safety and create confusion about "the legal status of large-capacity magazines in Oregon.” Stand by for the response!

• Mayor Wheeler is requiring almost all city employees to show up IN PERSON at least half-time starting next year, despite a majority of these workers preferring to work from home, and labeling mandatory in-person work as “racist, sexist, ableist and a violation of the city’s climate goals.” Wheeler will most likely issue a hasty response as soon as he finds out what the Portland Business Alliance wants him to say.

• Hey, if you happen to see Tusitala “Tiny” Toese—of the violent, right-wing Patriot Prayer extremist group—wandering around town, there's a warrant out of his arrest because his GPS ankle bracelet has been offline for about a month, and he's violated his probation for his violent actions during a 2021 riot in a Portland K-Mart parking lot. Here's his picture to help you identify him... he may or may not be covered in milk. 


• In this week's informative edition of HEAR IN PORTLAND: Unmissable shows from the War & Treaty and Sunbathe. Plus, Edna Vazquez, Barrio Mestizo, and DJ Papi Fimbres make the Bienestar fundraiser a hot ticket. Be smart about local music stuff and read this!


• The Supreme Court currently has a very scary case in their mostly Trump-appointed hands, and their decision could allow state legislatures to have absolute control over elections and gerrymandering. From the AP: "A broad ruling could threaten hundreds of election laws, require separate rules for federal and state elections on the same ballot and lead to new efforts to redraw congressional districts to maximize partisan advantage." NOT... GOOD.

• More trouble for Trump: "Additional items marked classified found in Trump storage unit." The documents were found in a Florida storage facility not far from Mar-a-Lago, and have been turned over to the FBI. (Has anyone checked the glove box of his car?)

• Oh, and if you need FURTHER reason to celebrate Sen. Raphael Warnock's victory over "monster fight expert" Herschel Walker, the Senate's two-person majority also means Dem traitor Senator Manchin's evil obstructionist powers are diminished, AND the Democrats can continue the work of the January 6 committee, which probably would've died otherwise. So all together now, so all the Republicans in the room can hear you: "HA! HA! HAAAAAA!"

• The former COO of Theranos (and Elizabeth Holmes' lovah), Ramesh “Sunny” Balwani, has been sentenced to nearly 13 years for multiple charges of fraud related to their blood-testing scam. 

• And finally... me and the rest of the world after new photos are released of Aubrey Plaza.