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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! This weekend you can expect mostly cloudy days, a high of 50, and a strong chance of you filling out the Mercury's super-horny SEX SURVEY! (See what I did there? But seriously, it's fun.) And now here's the somewhat less horny NEWS.


• The city and Portland's police union have reached an impasse in their endless negotiations over cop body cams, and are unable to agree on whether officers should be allowed to review body camera footage before giving an incident statement. WHO'S RIGHT AND WHO'S WRONG? Well, the city and police union are going into arbitration... but psssst. The police union is clearly wrong because they always are. Our Isabella Garcia has the details!

• The city auditor has launched an investigation into the gunshot detection company ShotSpotter, which has been buttering up cops and officials for the past year in a bid to land a sweetheart deal with the city to purchase their questionable technology. The auditor is asking if the company possibly violated city lobbying codes in their heavy-handed attempts to influence the top decision makers. (Urrrrrrmmm... probably??)

• The Oregonian has published yet another story on the OLCC Booze Scandal, for anyone who hasn't already collapsed under the massive weight of their endless coverage on this particular issue, especially considering there are so many more important stories about city corruption to explore that actually affect regular people's lives (see above stories for details), rather than endless variations on reporting that caters to butt-hurt rich people who couldn't score a bottle of their status-symbol liquor. Anyway, collect all 1,528!

FOOD NEWS! You want it and we got it, including the latest deets on where to get such drool-worthy gustatory items as delicious Northeastern Thai, pho, and... birria ramen?!? YES, PUH-LEEEEZE!


• The five former Memphis cops who were fired after the brutal beating death of Tyre Nichols have made the interesting choice of pleading "not guilty" to charges of second-degree murder. The takeaway graph:

At a news conference after the hearing, Nichols’ mother, RowVaughn Wells, said that the officers didn’t have the courage to look her in the eye, but that “they’re going to see me at every court date — every one — until we get justice for my son.”

• Today's regularly scheduled mass shooting in America: Six people are dead in a rampage of shootings, supposedly by one person who is now in custody, in the small town of Arkabutla, Mississippi. Details at this point are scarce.

• As you may have heard, Dominion Voting Systems is suing the goddamn pants off Fox News for slandering their name by saying their voting machines were rigged in the 2020 election, and they're bringing the receipts, claiming that even the most audacious of Fox News personalities were laughing about Trump and Rudy Giuliani's bullshit claims behind-the-scenes.

The Onion goes hard... and I'm loving it:

• And finally... the best goddamn advice you'll hear all year.