The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! There's so little happening in Portland today that people are writing about the Reptile Expo. Let's get into it.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• The Oregonian reports that the Clark County Sheriff’s Office deputy who shot and killed a man facing armed robbery (who was also an off-duty Vancouver police officer) last year, after mistaking him for the assailant, won’t face criminal charges. 

• Bless everyone who tried to get some kind of variation of "fuck" on an Oregon license plate in 2022. You're saying what we're all feeling, and with every year, you deserve it more. KOIN published the full list of requested personalized plates rejected by the DMV last year. Highlights include DATBITCH and WEENRS. 

• A new book from Portland author Aubrey Gordon was published this week. It's good!

• It's Friday morning and you know what that means: Tickets are about to go on sale for a bunch of shows. The Mercury's calendar team organized this list of newly released tickets and show announcements into a handy update.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Lisa Marie Presley died of cardiac arrest yesterday. She was 54. While paramedics said the singer still showed signs of life when they arrived at her home, she died at a hospital in the West Hills of Los Angeles County, later that day. As the only child of Elvis, she was born into a life of celebrity that follows her to her death.

• Everyone is shouting about Prince Harry's dick—which I suppose is his own fault for including a passage about having a frostbitten WEENR, in his tell-all member. The whole point of the Revolutionary War was so we don't have to listen to British monarchy, but I'll allow this:

• Funny how agitated people get about artists having their intellectual property squeezed for algorithm juice, but you're all fine to have robits—who don't even understand what truth is—write the click holes you're furiously Googling. After being outed by technology reporter Frank Landymore, at Futerism, CNET announced it has been quietly publishing articles written by AI since November. In related news, a robit lawyer will soon represent a client, in traffic court, for the first time.

• Two women have accused lionized comedian Andrew Callaghan (All Gas No Brakes, This Place Rules) of pressuring them—in separate interactions—to have sex with him. Callaghan released a statement via TMZ that made him sound like a learning, growing baby boy and not a 25-year-old adult. His lawyer has implied that one of the women asked Callaghan for money, but has not provided proof or context for that allegation. 

• For the readers annoyed that we don't spend a lot of time writing takedowns, you may appreciate this review round-up of the best-selling singles of 2022, by Stranger music critic Dave Segal.

• Finally a face mask conspiracy we can all enjoy:

@kevtqjac45

What would you rate this?

♬ original sound  - kevtqjac45