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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Don't forget, there are FOUR big screenings left of America's sweetest li'l porn fest HUMP!, and... what's this? One is already sold out?!? Better snap up those tix quick! In the meantime, let's snap up some NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Lisa Watson, the director of Portland's Office of Equity and Human Rights, has abruptly resigned from her position... coincidentally right after Commissioner Dan Ryan became her boss. Watson, whose job is to promote equity within City Hall, cited tension between herself and Ryan, adding that the Commissioner should find someone who can "move his vision forward.” Meanwhile Michael Montoya, the interim director of the embattled Office of Community & Civic Life which also falls under Ryan's purview, announced last week that he was taking a leave of absence, and... is it just me or do people not like working with Commish Ryan?

• Less than a year after opening, the Synthesis Institute, which was training folks to perform psilocybin-assisted therapy, has already closed its doors after filing for bankruptcy leaving students (and their tuition) shit out of luck.

• In which Mayor Wheeler refuses to defend Portland's reputation from local shit-talking wealthy capitalists, but will die on a hill that involves... Walmart?

• Hello, trash pandas! Let's dig into the week's hottest gossip with THE TRASH REPORT! This week: Russell Brand has some shitty new friends, Portland Police defunds the rest of the city, and estrogen in the water makes you *fabulous*! 💅

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Two of four kidnapped Americans have died after the van they were traveling in was caught in the crossfire of two Mexican cartel gangs, according to authorities. One of the survivors was wounded, though it's unclear how bad their injuries are.

• Surprise! Fox News grifter Tucker Carlson is using the January 6 video of domestic terrorists attacking the nation's capitol to try and convince his gullible viewers that it was a "peaceful gathering."

• After Walgreens announced it would stop selling abortion pills in states where Republicans are threatening legal action, California said "OH HELL NO TO THAT" and clapped back that they "won't be doing business with Walgreens–or any company that cowers to the extremists and puts women's lives at risk." Your move, Oregon!

• At first, after reading the headline "Ben Savage, ‘Boy Meets World’ Actor, Is Running for Congress," I was like "OH NO!!!"... and then I was like, "Oh, phew, he's a Democrat."

• And finally... find someone you love as much as this cat loves catnip.