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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Yippee-ki-yay, mothereffers, it's gonna be another sunny, relatively warm (62 degrees) day, which I hope you'll enjoy before showers and a possible thunderstorm rolls in tonight. And now, let's read some yippee-ki-NEWS.


• It should be noted that our current City Auditor Simone Rede does NOT mess around, and has released a new report on how well Portland cops are doing at collecting data in regards to their attempts to control gun violence by pulling people over in traffic stops. While the police have shown improvement by starting to note the race of the people they're stopping, they still aren't documenting whether or not the effort is producing any measurable result, or if civil rights are being protected. (Unsurprisingly, our union-fearful mayor is rushing to the cops' defense.) Our Isabella Garcia has the deets.

• State lawmakers have passed a $200 million housing and homelessness package that's designed to assist renters (to keep them from becoming homeless), as well as build more shelters and housing across Oregon. Lots of this money will start being distributed into communities this week, and is a big win for Gov. Kotek and the Dems. Aaaaaand right on cue, here comes wet blanket Mayor Wheeler to complain that this state money won't be available for his mass internment camp scheme, because his idea of hundreds of tents crammed in together doesn't jibe with the governor's plan for "structurally sound" and safe shelters. (Interesting... it's almost like being intentionally cruel doesn't inspire great partnerships.)

• In other "poor judgement from Mayor Wheeler" news: As you know, the mayor is absolutely befuddled as to why some houseless people don't want to move into his guarded mass tent internment camps that could be legitimately unsafe or traumatizing for the homeless, their families, or pets. So his new plan is to get former houseless people to convince the currently houseless to go to the camps... or face getting citations? Because if there's one thing everyone trusts, it's a narc. 🙄

• For those upset about the impending closure of Portland's oldest Jewish deli, Kornblatt's on NW 23rd, dry those eyes—Henry Higgins Boiled Bagels will be moving into the spot which just so happens to schmear up the same bagels Kornblatt's has been serving for years.


• While "Arrestmas" (AKA the Trump indictment) didn't happen yesterday, prosecutors are still gathering evidence, including email exchanges between the former president and his hushed-up former play pal Stormy Daniels. In any case, I assume it was actually a bigly disappointment to Trump that his attempt to whip up free publicity and his base ahead of his presidential run was thwarted by a district attorney who just decided to chill and watch the latest episode of Ted Lasso instead.

• In other critical trial news, actor/Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow is in court over accusations she slammed into a fellow skiier at an Utah resort and scooted off without a word, even though the person was seriously injured. Paltrow denies the charges, saying the victim is exploiting her wealth and celebrity—and probably the fact that people don't like her very much.

• Now nobody panic, but beloved 97-year-old actor Dick Van Dyke was in a car accident last week that left him bloodied and possibly concussed. 😱 Thankfully he was treated on the scene and escaped with no serious injuries. 😥

• Before renting your next AirBNB, here's a headline to think about: "Mountain lion attacks tourist in a pool at Colorado vacation rental."

• And finally... THE RESULTS ARE IN.