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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Shake out your thong because today will be the hottest day of the week, with sunny skies and the temp shooting up to a balmy 90 degrees, before gradually calming back down to the low 70s by week's end. Now let's gradually calm down (ha-ha) with some NEWS. But first? Stay cool out there:


• Get ready for the shock of your life: A road-raging asshole in an oversized pickup truck was inconvenienced by Saturday's Grand Floral Parade, and decided to run the barricade and aggressively drive right through the middle of the parade route, somehow avoiding families with children during his idiotic rampage. This asshole was quickly arrested—unlike so many other road-raging asshole truck drivers currently on the road—and thank god, no one was injured. But let's learn more about this particular asshole suspect from the Oregonian, allegedly identified as 42-year-old Sidney Sean Mecham:  

Mecham is a registered sex offender who has prior convictions from 1999 for attempted first-degree rape and first-degree sodomy in Multnomah County, and 2016 convictions for third-degree sodomy and third-degree sexual abuse in Clatsop County, according to state records.

Right on brand.

• In a very much related story: A Tigard library drag queen reading event—featuring Portland's own beloved Poison Waters—was canceled following threats of violence from right-wing assholes yesterday. While Waters noted that while public safety must always be a priority, "We still continue to do [these types of events] because giving in is not an option." Meanwhile, Gabriel Buehler, chair of the verrrry right-wing Washington County Republican Party, said his fellow assholes planned on doing a "celebratory flag waving" at the site of the canceled event, noting that if there had been any threats, they weren't coming from the deranged lunatics within his own party. Instead Buehler laid the blame at a familiar—and as usual, completely false—doorstep: "This was Antifa,” he said... once again moronically on brand.

•  HOWEVER! Another drag event in nearby Milwaukie, Oregon—this time a drag bingo charity fundraiser—was scheduled in that town's community center yesterday, but instead of kowtowing to threats from right-wing extremists, they posted two cops at the door and held the event anyway. And surprise! The assholes stayed away and fun was had by all. Thus ends "A Tale of Two Drag Shows." (Right-wingers will probably find some way to blame Antifa for the event being successful. 🙄)

• This week Portland Police is expected to kick off their new 13-year-old wet dream aerial drone program, which they say will be used to investigate crash scenes... and absolutely NOT in any way will EVER be used to spy on regular citizens and those participating in protests. (If you don't believe them... welp, who can blame you?) Our Courtney Vaughn  has more.


• Despite being charged with a whopping 37 counts of federal crimes, former prez Donald Trump (along with his drooling followers) is ramping up his baseless accusations and threats against the court in advance of his arraignment on Tuesday. One such ding-dong sycophant, failed Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake, warned that if anyone wanted to get to Trump they'd have to go through her and his (wildly overestimated) 75 million followers—who apparently all have NRA memberships? (That many AARP memberships I might believe.)

• The man known as the “Unabomber,” Ted Kaczynski, has died in prison at the age of 81 apparently by suicide. The recluse was known for a 17-year bombing spree that killed three people while injuring 23 others.

• Also dead: Former (and controversial) Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi perished at the age of 86 following a lengthy battle with leukemia. Berlusconi—often reviled for his authoritarian leadership—was remembered fondly by both Vladimir Putin and the Pope, which demonstrates the scope of this polarizing figure.

• In Philadelphia, a large section of Interstate 95 collapsed over the weekend following a tanker truck fire—miraculously no one was killed or injured.

• Got lunch plans?

• At long last, Fox News joins the rest of us in telling their former anchor Tucker Carlson to shut the fuck up. They've sent him a cease and desist letter to stop him from posting his idiotic rants on Twitter, which they claim is a violation of his contract.

• And finally, thanks for reading GOOD MORNING, NEWS! (Time for your mid-morning snack.)