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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Expect a mostly sunny morning with some clouds drifting in this afternoon as temps hit a high of 79. Now let's drift away on a cloud of NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Remember back in 2021, when members of the Portland Police Bureau announced that the traffic enforcement division had been effectively dismantled, and only a single cop was patrolling the streets (thereby giving people the go-ahead to speed and drive dangerously to their hearts content)? Well! During Monday's contentious press conference about the shocking rise in traffic deaths, police Sergeant Ty Engstrom came out and admitted that the department's 2021 announcement was a politically motivated lie to scare City Council into increasing police funding during the Black Lives Matter protest movement. Here's the direct quote Engstrom said to Jonathan Maus of Bike Portland: 

“We needed to create a stir to get some change, to get them [city council] to fund us back up. And I mean, that’s the honest truth. I know, that could make things more dangerous. I don’t know. But at the same time, we needed some change.”

So did this disingenuous messaging lead to the spike in traffic deaths, including the 13 people who were killed last month alone? IT DIDN'T FUCKING HELP.

• Looks like Chief Lovell is taking our "Say Nice Things About Portland" campaign to heart:

• Bad news for litigious, right-wing shit-stirrer Andy Ngo: The self-proclaimed journalist—who has a history of being seen as very chummy with conservative fight-starters Patriot Prayer while also showing up at Black Lives Matter protests in order to get selectively edited video to sell to right-wing outlets—lost his civil lawsuit against two activists who he claimed attacked him during a 2021 protest. The jury was unconvinced that the two defendants somehow caused the attack, just because they saw through Ngo's poor disguise he was wearing to blend in with the crowd, and identified him to others. While the judge sent the defeated Ngo on his merry way, it's unclear whether she'll order Ngo to pay attorney fees for the exonerated defendants.

• The Oregon Secretary of State has ruled that 10 crybaby runaway Senate Republicans and Independents who tried to skip out of their jobs this past spring, thereby bringing legislative business to a halt, will not be able to run for reelection because they violated the "10 or more unexcused absences" rule. They thought they could squirm their way out of the voter-mandated law, but the SoS has answered with a resounding, "NOPE!" The crybabies are expected to continue their crying while appealing the decision. 

• Okay, get this: A dude in his 40s slept with someone who he thought was 21—but was actually much younger. 😬 How shitty should he feel? Dan Savage tells him *exactly* how shitty he should feel in this week's episode of SAVAGE LOVE!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Great news for abortion supporters: Last night Ohio voters defeated a baldfaced GOP attempt to make it harder to amend their state's constitution, which they had hoped would stop Ohio from restricting abortion protections. An unprecedented number of Ohioans turned out for the August election, and as of this morning, the Republicans' measure was losing by a whopping 14 points. This is a baaaad sign for those GOP candidates who are using abortion as the lynchpin of their campaigns, and refusing to MIND THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.

• According to multiple reports, Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis of Georgia is expected to take her investigation of Trump trying to overturn the 2020 election in her state to a grand jury as early as next week. (Stock up on that popcorn!) Meanwhile, moderate Republicans who are trying to get reelected next year are sounding the doomsday alarms for their campaigns thanks to the tsunami of criminal indictments heading toward the former president.

• School districts across Florida are planning on dropping AP Psychology from their educational curriculums after being informed by homophobic state officials that discussing sexual orientation and gender identity in the classroom violates the law.

• Wildfires are endangering a popular tourist town in Maui, Hawaii, to the point where people are running into the ocean to escape the smoke and flames.

• The "Jesus isn't going to help you" headline of the day: 'Help me, Jesus!': Hawk appears to drop snake on woman before attacking to get it back.

• And finally... look. Some friends are just worth the trouble.