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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Great news, art 'n' performance lovers! The Mercury just released its SECOND big print edition since the pandemic, the FALL ARTS GUIDE... and let me tell you, it's a banger! Arts & Culture editor Suzette Smith has put together a super smart and informative guide to loads of arts news and happenings around town over the next few months (as well as a great calendar) under the theme of "We Can Rebuild It"—documenting the local arts community's valiant and creative methods of putting the scene back together again. They simply cannot be stopped! So dig into this guide right here online or pick it up in over 500 coffee shops, record stores, and other nifty locations around the city starting TODAY. And while we're on the subject... let's pick up on some NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Sad news for all of you who need a local place to buy Ninja Throwing Stars... the almost 80-year-old military supply and oddities store, Andy and Bax, has decided to toss in the towel after decades of meritorious service. The owners have decided to retire (and certainly deserve a good rest), and while the final day has not been announced, you can currently get 20 percent off all your switchblades, gas masks, military backpacks, Swedish army helmets, survivalist gear, and of course, those sweeeeeet ninja throwing stars. 

• The big front window of the Oregon City headquarters of the Clackamas County Democratic party was smashed by someone who threw a brick though it last week,  right in front of full-sized cutouts of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Kamala Harris. Police are investigating, but seem to be shrugging it off as just a signal that another contentious election season has started.

• Former Portland Police Chief Danielle Outlaw has stepped down from her job as Philadelphia's police commissioner, and will be taking a job leading the city's Port Authority. Outlaw's brief tenure in Portland was marred by the largest number of officers killing people in mental distress since 2010, which she blamed on the mental health system. In Philly, her police force led a brutal attack on Black Lives Matter protesters which ultimately cost the city $9.25 million, and Outlaw was also on the receiving end of a gender bias lawsuit, which resulted in a $1 million verdict for two female officers who said their claims of sexual harassment were ignored. (Psssst to Philly: We could've told you if you had asked—you didn't ask.)

• Circuit Court Judge Benjamin Souede has given the boot to a lawsuit from tobacco groups and retailers that wanted to overturn Multnomah County's ban on the sale of flavored tobacco and nicotine products. The ban will now officially kick off in January 2024.

• Mitch McConnell's freezer burn, Chris Rock has a soggy Burning Man, and... is there ever enough Lea Michele gossip? NO, THERE IS NOT. Come get all this week's hottest, stinkiest goss with Elinor Jones and THE TRASH REPORT!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• A Russian missile strike hit an outdoor market in eastern Ukraine yesterday, killing 16 and wounding dozens more—and on the same day that US Secretary of State Antony Blinken arrived in Kiev to announce that our country will be giving $1 billion in aid to help the country fight their ongoing war against Putin's army.

• As COVID makes its unwelcome return, vaccine maker Moderna is saying that the newest version of their shot is effective against the highly mutated BA.2.86 variant. The updated booster is expected to be approved by the FDA as soon as this week.

• National leader for the Proud Boys (and absolute fucking shithead) Enrique Tarrio has been sentenced to 22 years in prison for his role in orchestrating the 2021 domestic terrorist attack on the nation's capitol. Of all the sentences that have been doled out thus far to his fellow shitheads, Tarrio has been given the longest, and rightfully so.

• Speaking of shitheads, a U.S. District Judge has ruled that Donald Trump acted with malice when he defamed writer E. Jean Carroll by making terrible comments about her following Carroll's accusations of sexual assault. Next comes a trial in which it will be determined how much Trump will owe Carroll in damages, HA-HA-HAAAAA!

• GOSSIP! After four years of what was presumed to be wedded bliss, pop singer Joe Jonas and Game of Thrones actor Sophie Turner have, in their words, "mutually decided to amicably end our marriage." As usual, they hope everyone will "respect their wishes for privacy"—though I'm almost certain they don't mean Good Morning, News.

• And finally... damn, mom—that's cold.