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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Cloudy-clouds will fade away to sunny-sun today with the temps continuing to rise to 81 and then upward, hitting a sweltering 90 on Friday. Is your thong still in rotation? MINE IS! And now let's read a thong's-worth of NEWS.


• Well, here's an odd match: The state of Oregon and New York City’s pension funds have teamed up to sue the Fox Corporation, which they (correctly) say hurt their investors by allowing their Fox News division to broadcast blatant lies which brought defamation lawsuits against them, thereby lowering stock value. So why is our state involved? Because this: "Oregon holds shares in the company worth approximately $5.2 million." UMMMMM... WHAT? UMMMM... WHY?

• The latest version of the Covid booster—which is rarin' to attack the latest mutated strain of the virus—has been given the okay by both the FDA and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, which means it could arrive in Oregon as early as next week. Forget "Hot Girl Summer"—get your booster and let's have an "Eradicate Covid Winter."

• The white man who was spewing racist hatred before stabbing two Black teens on a MAX train on September 2 was supposed to be in jail at the time... and yet? Even though he was arrested on three recent occasions, the county’s Correctional Health Division refused to allow the jail to book him due to "unspecified medical conditions." Sounds like somebody's got some explaining to do!

• City Council is vowing to crack down hard on abandoned houses and properties around town that have been subject to vandalism, fires, and drug use after years of the owners/landlords ignoring the city's requests to clean up their act. All together, these owners owe nearly $1.2 million in fines, and the city plans on seizing and selling the properties.

• If you're a fan of the always excellent monthly hip-hop party The Thesis, then I hope you didn't miss their recent yacht party—which by our Jenni Moore's account was a non-stop banger. (And apparently there are rules against smoking weed on the Portland Spirit? THE MORE YOU KNOW.) Check out Jenni's entertaining recap!

• If you're in the mood for some bust-a-gut LOLs, then do not miss tonight's slam-bang edition of "TWO EVILS"—the live comedy game show where hosts Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy pit special guest comedians (Neeraj Srinivasan & Milan Patel) against YOU, the audience, for some truly weird and fabulous prizes! DO. NOT. MISS.


• North Korean leader Kim Jong Un paid a visit to Russia to meet with Putin about helping him in his war against Ukraine, and promised to offer “full and unconditional support” in Russia's “sacred fight” to bully and take over the small independent country. 

• Today in "fuck around and find out":

• Acting on pressure from former Prez Trump and his numbskull minions, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy has caved and will launch an impeachment inquiry against President Biden. The current president's unforgivable crime? Being the dad of Republican punching bag Hunter Biden. (This is going to be the most boring community theater production EVER.)

• According to Pennsylvania State Police, convicted girlfriend murderer Danelo Cavalcante has been captured after being on the lam for two weeks. The felon gained national attention by "crab walking" up the walls of Chester County jail and making his getaway.

• [VMAs playing in the background] Me: I don't care about the VMAs. [Ten seconds later...] Me: OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

• I'mma gonna let Taylor Swift finish telling us about her nine VMA wins, but first this headline: "Kanye wanted home’s windows, electricity removed to make retro bomb shelter, lawsuit says."

• And finally... check and mate.