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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! If you love your tummy, don't sleep on the abso-frickin'-lutely delicious Mercury WING WEEK which starts today at more than 60 restaurants around town! And it gets better, because a plate of these beauties will only set you back $8. But hurry, hurry—the fun ends this coming Sunday! Now let's chow down on a plate of NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• ICYMI: A group of houseless Portlanders is suing the city over its cruel, draconian anti-homeless camping ordinance. (All together now: "GOOD!") The class-action lawsuit rightly points out that the rules the city came up with are impossible to follow, and also violate state laws designed to prevent the criminalization of homelessness. (Would you like to help, too? Start with voting out every single member of the current city council, because they've proven they aren't worthy of holding important government positions.) Our Courtney Vaughn has the story!

• Speaking of those who have lost our trust in their abilities:

• Good news: Providence Park will start a summer concert series in 2024, with the Foo Fighters kicking it all off on August 16 of next year. This will be the first such concert held in the park since 2005, which used to welcome music stars on a regular basis, including Elvis Presley and David Bowie.

• When you're getting your Covid booster and flu shot, be sure to thank your pharmacist who has been working under near impossible conditions—and many of whom are going on strike, including Kaiser Permanente pharmacy workers in Oregon and SW Washington who started a 21-day strike on Sunday and are asking for (you guessed it) more staffing.

• Here's the latest Blazers news if you want it. (My brain refuses to accept this type of extraneous information until our city leaders stop acting like a damn fool.)

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Happy first day of Trump's criminal fraud trial in New York (for those who celebrate)! 🎉🥳🙌 Trump stands accused of falsely inflating his net worth in order to get a better deal on loans, and (as usual) other related crimes. "I am being persecuted," was the muffled cry heard coming from the man buried underneath a landslide of trials brought about by his own making.

• As you may have heard, the latest government shutdown was narrowly avoided this weekend after House Speaker/sniveling toady Kevin McCarthy floated a very favorable deal to the Democrats who happily helped him pass it—much to the consternation of the inhabitants of the far-right Republican clown car, who now vows to eject McCarthy from his seat. Hey... don't threaten us with a good time!

• This weekend in "seemingly" news:

• The Supreme Court said "ummmmm... no thanks!" to former Trump lawyer John Eastman's request to appeal a ruling that found that he had "more likely than not" engaged in criminal conduct with his former boss to overthrow the 2020 election. In other shocking news (and in a rare brush with ethical behavior), Court Justice Clarence Thomas recused himself from the decision due to the fact his creepy Republican wife had "conversations" with Eastman in the days leading up to the January 6 domestic terrorist attack. HMMMMMMM!!!

• Get excited, Bee Hive: The queen herself has announced that her new movie Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé—with lotsa behind-the-scenes footage of her recent world tour—will land in theaters this December! 🐝

• Tech headline of the day: "Apple says it will fix software problems blamed for making iPhone 15 models too hot to handle" too cold to hold, they're called the Ghostbusters and they're in control. Had 'em throwin' a party for a bunch of children... all the while the slime was under the building! (Yes, the only reason I included this headline was so I could include the lyrics to Bobby Brown's "On Our Own." I assume you don't have a problem with that.)

• And finally... I think it might be an "alcohol at the gym" kind of week.