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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's here, it's here: The abso-frickin'-lutely delicious Mercury WING WEEK is currently in full swing at more than 60 (!) restaurants around town, and guess what... it's only $8 for a plate of these one-of-a-kind wing-dings! But hurry, hurry—the fun ends this coming Sunday! Now let's wing-ding some NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Hot labor rights summer continues! Up to 4,000 Kaiser Permanente workers in Oregon and Southwest Washington (and thousands more across the country) began their three-day strike today over (you guessed it) low wages and lack of staffing. KP is one of the country's largest healthcare and insurance companies, and while thousands will be rightly walking off the job, doctors are continuing their work and emergency rooms will remain open.

• Eugene Democratic State Rep. Paul Holvey has been rescued by voters (and in a resounding fashion) from a recall effort launched by the UFCW labor union, which accused him of standing in the way of legislation that would have helped workers. And while a lot of money was spent by the union on the recall effort, Holvey's longtime supporters weren't having it, and shot the campaign down by a wide margin.

• Huh. Weird.

• Speaking of the rent being too damn high, former City Commissioner Chloe Eudaly—who was and is a tireless supporter of tenants rights (which made Portland's greedy conservative millionaires super mad)—announced she will sadly NOT be running for a commissioner next year, citing family and other time commitments. (However, she did say it would behoove us to vote for former Commish—and very smart guy—Steve Novick if he runs, and to turn up your nose at former mayor Sam Adams if he decides to campaign for the job, because as we know he is absolutely terrible. These are truths we hold to be self-evident.)

• Do not forget that this coming Saturday morning if you're on the Oregon Coast this coming Saturday, October 14, you'll be able to see the annular eclipse—which means the moon will be covering all of the sun except for its outer ring, and producing what looks like a "ring of fire." (A term also used when I eat too many jalapeño poppers. 😀 I apologize for this unwarranted dad joke, and will show myself out. 😞)

• Guys! If you love laughing your butt off, you're not gonna wanna miss next Wednesday's episode of the live comedy game show, "TWO EVILS!" Our hosts, Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy, ask the audience a series of truly eeeeevil questions which you answer on your phone... and you're competing against super special guest star comedian KYLE KINANE! (And you get the chance to win fabbo prizes, as well!) Don't sleep on this one, and GET THOSE TIX NOW. It's gonna sell out, I betcha!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Because I can hold two thoughts in my head at once, I'm sad that congress is unable to get important things accomplished right now, while simultaneously howling HA-HA-HAAAAAAA over Kevin McCarthy's sudden and unexpected expulsion from the House Speaker position. Eight Republicans—led by shoe box-faced turd Matt Gaetz—and a majority of snickering House Democrats joined forces to oust McCarthy, and now? Whoopsy-doodle! These GOP losers have no idea what to do next, and Congress has effectively ground to a halt. File this under "fuck around and find out."

• But don't worry, the fun does not stop there: Two of the more famous Republican shitheads, Reps. Jim Jordan and Steve Scalise are already gunning for the House Speaker position, and are both great choices—if one is interested in continuing to be delighted by the ongoing Republican tire fire. (🙋‍♂️)

• Welp, this explains a lot: "A new report on Rudy Giuliani’s drinking problem details how the former New York City mayor frequently indulged before appearing on Fox News."

• Reminder that your phone will be blowing up later this morning with a nationwide test of the emergency alert system, which is ONLY A TEST, but will be very handy in the event of an actual terrorist attack, weather emergency, or if Matt Gaetz' shoebox head ever explodes.

• And finally...