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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Word to the wise: DO NOT MISS TONIGHT'S super funny "TWO EVILS" live comedy game show, starring Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy, where the audience competes (on their phones!) for fabulous prizes against a special guest comedian—and this time it's the wildly beloved and popular KYLE KINANE! (Plus it's our special Halloween episode!) Get your tickets NOW or feel strangely unsatisfied later. And now, here's some strangely satisfying NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• A low-income housing complex that was supposed to be a model for transitioning houseless folks off the street is falling apart thanks to a lack of follow-up from officials leading to unlivable conditions that are forcing occupants back into homelessness. Check out the jaw-dropping details in this deep dive report from our Courtney Vaughn.

• Washington County sheriff’s deputy Rian Alden has been sentenced to three years of probation following a 2018 attack on jail inmate, where he slammed the suspect's head into a wall. Infuriatingly, the assault was originally brought before the prosecutor's office WHO REFUSED TO PROSECUTE HIM, but then changed their minds in 2020 after this same deputy was caught sending a racist email. The officer has lost his law enforcement license, and if he breaks the conditions of his probation could go to prison for three years. (Reminder that cops are not subject to the same rules as the rest of us.)

• Portland teachers are set to vote on October 16 on whether or not they'll choose to strike following a breakdown in negotiations with management. If they do decide to strike, the walkouts could begin as soon as October 29.

• An internal audit of the Oregon Health Authority discovered there are widespread "system failures" that could result in folks in mental health crisis not getting the help they need—or making them eligible in the first place.

• Beloved local funny-makers Kickstand Comedy just announced the first show in its new brick and mortar space, and its gonna be Los Angeles comedy troupe Holy Shit Improv—just the first of what will be a series of monthly shows with rotating out-of-town talent. Our Suzette Smith has the details!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Israeli soldiers have regained the areas originally captured by Hamas, and are discovering the atrocities they committed were more grievous than originally thought. Hamas reportedly massacred at least 1,000 people (including civilians like women and children) and abducted an estimated 150, including Americans. Meanwhile, Israel has formed a war cabinet that includes political rivals to manage the ongoing war which includes massive, overwhelming airstrikes that is also killing civilians including women and children who are unable to escape due to Israel's blockade. Israel has cut off their power, and a ground offensive into Gaza is the most likely next step.

• The Republican House clown car has pulled back in to congress, purportedly to elect a new House Speaker behind closed doors—though currently they only have two absolutely terrible choices between Jim "I ignore sexual predators" Jordan and Steve "I don't believe Martin Luther King, Jr. should have a holiday" Scalise. America wants to know: "WHO WILL BE TOP CLOWN?" (Honk, honk, slip on a banana peel.) 🤡

• Republican Representative (and serial liar) George Santos is in yet even MORE trouble, as he's been slapped with 10 new additional charges (collect all 23) including stealing identities, and using the credit cards of donors to allegedly steal thousands of dollars. Sounds like we've got a great candidate for Speaker of the House! 🤡 Honk honk!

• Well, this explains... nothing?

• Sad news: Former Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton is in intensive care with a severe case of pneumonia, and according to her family is currently "fighting for her life."

• And finally... no one likes being trapped.