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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Enjoy your partly sunny day today with a high of 59, because the season's showers are moving in this week and temperatures are dropping—and even some snow is expected in the mountains! (I personally refuse to accept this weather, and will be seen wearing conspicuously short-shorts until January 18.) And now for some conspicuously short descriptions of NEWS!


• In case you missed it, Portland Public Schools teachers have voted in favor of a strike, and notified the district that if an agreement isn't made in the next few days, they will walk off the job on November 1. Our Taylor Griggs digs deep into the details!

• In other strike news, more than 1,300 PeaceHealth medical professionals in the Southwest Washington area are kicking off their walk-out today after management failed to meet their demands to provide them with more staff, better pay, and to cut out the "anti-union attacks."

• DEAR "PEOPLE FOR PORTLAND" AND THE GREEDY, BITCHING MILLIONAIRES THAT FUND THEM IN HOPE OF CATCHING MORE CORPORATE TAX BREAKS: You might be interested in this article! "Downtown Portland is far more active than previously estimated, revised study finds."

• Speaking of feckless crybabies, a legislative panel has shut down official complaints from Oregon Republican Senators Lynn Findley and Cedric Hayden, who requested excused absences during the 2023 GOP walkouts from Senate President Rob Wagner who was like (paraphrasing here), "Bitch, are you serious?" In response to the ruling, Hayden was right on brand and called the Senate President a "dictator," adding that the decision is "absolutely the worst thing that I’ve ever experienced in my life."  (In the words of my Aunt Wanda whenever I would complain about how unfair life is, "Somebody get that baby a sugar titty.")

• Okay, THIS is crazy: A 39-year-old Portland rock climber has been arrested on charges of plotting a mass murder of participants at a public climbing competition at Smith Rock in Deschutes County this weekend. The man was caught with various weapons and a journal filled with plans to murder random people at the event. So far there doesn't seem to be a clear motive for his actions.


• Israel has been bombing the shit out of Gaza for the last 24 hours, and the Biden Administration is starting to rue the unconditional support it showed the country early in the war while calling for the protection of citizens, as more than 5,000 people (including civilians and children) have been killed and more than 15,200 wounded. Meanwhile it's looking more and more like Hamas lied about the supposed rocket that destroyed the al-Ahli Arab Hospital in Gaza—though let's not forget the many hospitals Israel actually did target in their continuing bombing campaign. And the Hamas hostage count has also increased, as the terrorist government allegedly has captured 222 hostages, including foreign nationals. And as usual, trans-hating comedian Dave Chappelle has weighed in with his unasked-for opinions on the conflict—and is getting roasted for them.

• Trump-supporting shit head (and LOOOOOSER) Rep. Jim Jordan has finally dropped out of the House Speaker race after getting his ass handed to him three times, and now, nine other feckless Republicans have taken his place signaling that this hilarious dysfunction will continue into the foreseeable future. (Saaaaad trommm-boooone!)

• ALERT! 🚨 Taylor Swift has dropped a new handshake (demonstrated with new BFF Brittany Mahomes)!

• Days after former Trump lawyer (and conspiracy spreader) Sydney Powell took a plea deal in the Georgia election interference case, the former president lashed out, screaming in all caps, "MS. POWELL WAS NOT MY ATTORNEY, AND NEVER WAS." 😬 This is just getting embarrassing. (And I love it.)

• And finally...  MONDAYS, AMIRITE?