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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Happy "Another Atmospheric River Is Coming Day" to those who celebrate—which means on and off buckets of rain today (especially later) with a balmy high of 57. And now, enjoy the following atmospheric river of NEWS. (See what I did there?)


• While it's still unclear exactly what happened, a grand jury has cleared three Portland police officers who killed the suspect that murdered a security guard at Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital on July 22. The DA's office has asked the court to release the grand jury transcripts to the public in the name of transparency and to reveal what evidence led the jury to its decision. Our Courtney Vaughn has more.

• As mentioned previously, thanks to repeated atmospheric rivers coming into the area, a flood watch has been issued for Portland through this Wednesday.

• Right-wing dipshit (and former Malheur Refuge Militia organizer) Ammon Bundy is apparently in hiding, because he doesn't want to pay the $52.5 million in damages for defaming Idaho's St. Luke’s Hospital, which he VERY FALSELY claimed was trying to take children away from Christian families to be sexually abused and given to gay couples. Maybe he disappeared because he realized what a fucking idiot he is? 

• Related: If you're wondering the political makeup of people who have been leaving Oregon and Washington to move to Idaho in the last few years, get ready for the shock of your life: the clear majority of them are Republicans. (In their defense, it's hard to live somewhere when most people disagree with you for being an anti-democratic snowflake.)

• For those who care about 🙄 football 🙄, here is some football news: Something something Oregon Ducks something something Fiesta Bowl something something Virginia's Liberty Flames something something whatever.


• The short-lived truce between Israel and Hamas is now over, and Israel has resumed its overwhelming bombing campaign and is ordering tens of thousands of displaced Palestinians to evacuate the southern town of Khan Younis and go... where? No one is exactly sure since there is no longer any safe place in Gaza, and the humanitarian crisis is worsening by the day.

• The Supreme Court will rule on whether or not the Sackler family—whose company Purdue Pharma was an instrumental player in America's opioid crisis, and is now trying to declare bankruptcy—who want to be protected from any future lawsuits brought against them for the millions of lives they helped ruin.

• That's a "wrap" for 17 percent of Spotify employees (roughly 1,500 people) who have been let go in a third round of company layoffs after two years of wild spending on building content for the music streaming site.

• In "Teenage Hep Slang News," the Oxford University Press has declared "rizz" as its "word of the year"—a term Gen Z uses to denote a charming, or sexually attractive demeanor. Let's use it in a sentence, shall we? "Wm. Steven Humphrey is one of the few senior citizens whose rizz is on fleek. Slay, queen, slay."

• And finally... THIS is why I don't put up my tree until five days before Xmas.