The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! After all this snow and ice, I bet you're ready to venture back out into the world again ASAP. If so, may I suggest snagging tickets to two of the most funnest and sexiest shows around: the HUMP! film festival (featuring short and absolutely filthy dirty flicks from your friends and neighbors) and the Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy (featuring the funniest folks in Portland with special guest Kyle Kinane)! Strike back against cabin fever and have a little fun, why don'tcha? And now why don'tcha enjoy today's roundup of NEWS.


• Portland old-timers will remember failed plans from nearly 20 years ago to build a new I-5 bridge, which were torpedoed by the public for failing to adhere to size and climate goals. Now new plans are in the works for a replacement—and yet? Critics say there are just as many problems as before. But will today's political climate give it a green light anyway? Our Taylor Griggs has the details.

• In the wild world of WEATHER, those icy conditions didn't melt away yesterday as we had hoped, and temps will continue to be on the low side (creeping up to only 38 degrees today) as the cold rain will continue to fall. BUT WATCH OUT, because if conditions are right, we could have another round of freezing, icy weather this afternoon and into tomorrow.

• A tragic story from among the many about this week's ice storm: Three people are dead after being electrocuted due to a fallen power line which hit their car in Northeast Portland. A baby who was with the adults survived.

• Commissioner Rene Gonzalez' vendetta against the wildly successful Portland Street Response program continues: Now he's boosting Portland Fire & Rescue's CHAT Overdose Response Team, who is expected to offer life-saving medication to those suffering from overdoses, particularly in the Old Town area. Sounds good, right? Except we already have a team that can do that, called Portland Street Response, whose entire purpose is to relieve overworked and stressed-out first responders! But yes, by all means, establish a redundant system, charge the taxpayers for it, and unnecessarily continue to make our primary first responders work even harder. (Can someone in his inner-circle please inform him he's woefully unfit to be mayor?)  [CORRECTION: In reality, Portland Street Response members are not medically certified, and therefore, in cases of overdose, cannot administer prescription medications like Suboxone, which helps ease opioid withdrawal symptoms. Find out more here, and I apologize for the error.—Wm. Steven Humphrey]

• More proof that Gonzalez cannot come up with a good idea to save his life:


• A new blistering report from the Justice Department absolutely roasts the cops of Uvalde, Texas, whose inept response to the town's 2022 school shooting undoubtedly contributed to the deaths of 21 people. The report blasts state police as well, claiming they added to the "disorganization and confusion" of the situation.

• Today in cop justice: In neighboring Washington state, the three Tacoma officers who were cleared in the killing of Manuel Ellis (after beating and shocking him to death) will receive a cool $500,000 each just to leave the department. 

• Today in "Hee-hee-hee": Republican loser and Florida governor Ron DeSantis is cutting bait in New Hampshire, and is now shifting all his resources in a last ditch attempt to win the GOP's presidential nomination in South Carolina. (Reminder that his foe Nikki Haley is the former governor of that state... so good luck with that!)

• Richard Simmons, the fitness icon whose exercise videotapes were huge in the '80s, is currently fah-urious and saying he never gave permission to '80s comedian Pauly Shore (!!) to make a movie about his life. SO MUCH '80s!!

• And finally... in case you've already had it with this day, feel free to follow the lead of this dog.