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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! A few announcements for you today: 

• It's SANDWICH WEEK. Get yourself a delicious $8 sandwich at one of the many spots dishing 'em up for ya. Sandwiches are maybe the best food ever, and they're too expensive nowadays, so I urge you to take advantage of this opportunity. 

• The Mercury's sex survey closes this Friday. Fill it out!!!!! You know you wanna find out all the deets about other people's sex lives, so do everyone a solid and share some of your own info. Hot tip: Filling out the sex survey is kinda a fun activity to do on a date, except if you guys haven't "defined the relationship" yet and you respond differently when asked about your relationship status. Then again, the survey could also totally facilitate those hard conversations. YOU'RE WELCOME! 

• It's officially Pisces season, AKA the most magical time of the year. If you have any wonderfully emotional and artistic experiences during this time, feel free to thank all the fish in your life. 🐟 😘

OK. If you're still reading, how about I tell you about the news now, yeah? 

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Rideshare platforms like Uber and Lyft appealed to potential drivers with claims of "flexible schedules" and "great pay," all from the comfort of your car. They also appealed to passengers because their services used to be very cheap, subsidized by Silicon Valley venture capital. Now, as fares have skyrocketed and drivers receive even less of a cut of their earnings, riders and workers are both calling for change. Last week, Portland Uber and Lyft drivers gathered in Portland, as well as in other cities across the U.S., to protest poor treatment from the companies. The drivers say the rideshare platforms are deceitful about pay guarantees and can deactivate their accounts (and therefore their livelihoods) for no apparent reason, among other problems. Drivers here in Portland look north to Washington, where the legislature recently passed a suite of reforms guaranteeing a minimum wage, paid sick leave, and other benefits, and are asking to see similar changes in Oregon. Read all about it HERE

• It's unclear what's going to happen with the proposed bill to end daylight saving time in Oregon, as state senators held a deadlocked vote on the bill and it was sent back to committee. Naysayers bring up the important point that it would be pretty weird for Oregon to be the only West Coast state to abandon the time change, leading to chaos anytime you crossed the border into Washington or California. If those states choose to move forward on the process, maybe we will, too. Personally, I'm torn. While proponents of the idea say switching back and forth between standard time and daylight saving time (our current system) creates problems with sleep and other physical and mental health issues, others point out that getting rid of it would mean the end of Oregon's long summer nights and lead to much darker mornings for much of the year. We shall see what happens, but I do agree it would be ridiculous to see your clocks change whenever you cross the I-5 bridge between Portland and Vancouver. 

• Andrea Damewood, Portland food critic extraordinaire, has another can't-miss review out in the Mercury. This time, she checked out L'Orange, a spot in Ladd's Addition with great wine, great ambiance, and especially great French onion soup. You can find the review here

• The Oregon Department of Environmental Quality’s Oregon Clean Vehicles Rebate program, which offers up to $7,500 for people to buy electric cars, was suspended last May due to a lack of funding. It will likely come back this year, but only on a short-term basis, as the program still doesn't have the funding to last longer than a couple of months. Look, I know saying this is going to attract some boos and hisses, but what if...some of the money...went toward electric bike rebates instead? E-bikes are awesome, they're pretty much just like cars but much more fun, and they're a lot cheaper. Just a thought. Electric cars are cool too. Either way, electrifying our transportation system should certainly be more of a priority for the Oregon DEQ than it seems to be right now. Didn't we have, like, a record kicker this year or something? 

Downtown Portland's Central Library has reopened after nearly a year of construction! The new library, after undergoing a $13 million renovation, looks quite different than it used to, but Multnomah County Library leaders are hoping visitors will be pleased. Go check it out!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS

• The all-Republican Alabama Supreme Court ruled last week that frozen embryos in test tubes should be considered children, raising questions about the future of IVF treatment in the state and beyond. In the ruling, Justice Jay Mitchell wrote that “unborn children are ‘children’ ... without exception based on developmental stage, physical location, or any other ancillary characteristics." Bruh. WE ARE LIVING IN HELL! What's next, trying people for murder every time they have sex wearing a condom? (DON'T GIVE THEM ANY IDEAS, TAYLOR.)

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said yesterday that the ruling would cause “exactly the type of chaos that we expected when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and paved the way for politicians to dictate some of the most personal decisions families can make.” Great comment— I look forward to what the White House will do to turn this situation around. Probably just about nothing! 

• Be careful, everyone: A dead satellite is set to fall back down to earth from outer space today, and it's unclear where it will land. Experts say there is a one in a billion chance a piece of the satellite, which could weigh as much as 115 pounds, will land on someone's head. In other words, the odds are in your favor. But if you're paranoid, maybe wear a hard hat. 

• MORE SPACE NEWS— this time, directed at all the people who shrugged at the above piece of information. NASA is looking for four people to join a yearlong Mars simulator mission, which will take place not on Mars itself (hence the word "simulator") but in a 3D-printed, 1,700 square-foot facility in Houston. They want nonsmoking, fluent English speakers between the ages of 30 and 55, and are particularly looking for people with science-y backgrounds. It's not clear how much the pay is, and there will be trials and tribulations aplenty, so it's a big PASS for me. But consider the DRAMA that could take place! I really don't want to live in a Mars simulator for a year— hell, it's almost as bad that the whole thing is taking place in HOUSTON— but trust that I'll be seated for the documentary depicting what happens when four people stay a year together in a 1,700 square foot space designed to look and feel like Mars. 

• Beware of rare reptile exhibitions, y'all. A man in Colorado died last week after being bit by Winston, his pet Gila monster, who he'd procured at a reptile exhibition last fall. (He and his girlfriend also had another Gila monster called Potato, as well as 26 spiders, all belonging to different species. Sheesh.) It was illegal for them to own the reptiles where they lived, and while laws don't always make sense, it seems like they were in place for a reason in this case. RIP to the man, and maybe avoid taking in strange and unusual animals. 

•  Finally...in honor of Pisces season, you know I have to show you some sharks. Happy hump day, TTYL!!