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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Expect a mish-mash of sun and showers today with a respectable high of 62,—but dig your umbrella out of the entryway closet for a much rainier Friday. (Do you have an umbrella? I don't. Not because I'm a "typical Oregonian," but because I can't seem to keep an umbrella to save my life. WHERE DO THEY ALL GO?? I suspect there's a restaurant somewhere in town where Portland umbrellas go to die. Now let's dig deep into our entryway closets to see if we can find today's NEWS.)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Portland City Council unanimously approved a 6 percent pay bump for police officers who agree to be part of a new and resurrected crowd control team—previously known as the Rapid Response Team which was disbanded after its members pitched a hissy fit and quit. Why? Because a Multnomah County grand jury rightly indicted a member of the team on a fourth degree assault charge, following his baton attack on a woman at a 2020 racial justice protest. But SURE! Let's reward violent behavior. Our Courtney Vaughn has more.

• Related: Check out the acrobatics Commissioner Gonzalez goes through to present his extremist view while simultaneously disparaging so-called "extremists":

It should also be noted that he doesn't seem to be the least bit concerned about reducing the overwhelming police violence of 2020 or the baked-in systemic racism of the bureau. (I believe this is referred to as "selective memory.")

• Last night community members in the Montavilla neighborhood held a meeting to bitch and moan about a proposed 29 pod housing village set to open at Southeast 82nd and Oak, which will feature showers, laundry, and a communal kitchen for houseless folks. While there were certainly some decent people piping up in favor of the village, many were saying thoughtless, horrible things like this: “Take the issue of people being trapped in houses next to something that's going to destroy their property values." Fun fact: Decent people usually choose humanity over property values.

• In 2023, there was a 21 percent increase (367 people) of those who chose to end their lives with help from Oregon's Death with Dignity act—the most ever. However, it should be noted that big jump transpired after the state removed the residency requirement from the act, which has brought people from out of state who want to legally end their lives. According to a report from the Oregon Health Authority the majority of these people in 2023 were white, male, over the age of 62, and cited cancer as the reason for their decision.

• There's so much to love in our new Spring Arts Preview, but if you've never heard of drag artist Peachy Springs, you're gonna read this piece and yelp, "Where has she been all my life?" Longtime admirers will know all about Springs' penchant for insult crowd work, which has made her one of Portland's premier drag performers. Plus, Andrew Jankowski's profile opens with her cussing out a baby. CUSSING OUT A BABY!!! 🤯 Don't miss it.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Looks like big trouble for Apple, who is getting sued by the feds (along with 16 states and district attorneys general) accusing them of creating a smartphone monopoly while hindering outside app development and applying punitive charges to competitors. This is part of President Biden's plan to crack down on big tech, and follows a $2 billion fine levied against Apple by the European Union for stifling competition for music-streaming services in their app store. 

• Biden announced today that the federal government will be forgiving $6 billion in student loan debt for public service workers, such as teachers, firefighters, and nurses. This makes for a total of $144 billion in federal loan forgiveness for nearly 4 million borrowers nationwide thus far.

• According to inside sources, Trump is heavily considering the dehydrated Sen. Marco Rubio to be his running mate in this fall's presidential election. Rubio is obviously banking on the fact that his future boss won't ask his insurrectionist followers to hang him. (I dunno... maybe Veeps should form a union?)

• For the first time ever, doctors have successfully transplanted a genetically modified pig kidney into a human patient, and it so far seems to be working perfectly. The success of this transplant is especially important due to the lack of organs available for such a procedure, and that 17 people die in the U.S. every day waiting for an organ. 

• Not the obituary I wanted to read today: RIP to wildly talented character actor M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Blood Simple) who has died of cardiac arrest at the age of 88.

• And finally... me—marching toward the weekend.