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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Happy solar eclipse day (to those who celebrate, which probably won't include most of you because even if we were able to see the eclipse in its totality—the best we can hope for is a quarter of the sun being eaten by a dragon—we won't be able to thanks to a day filled with mostly cloudy skies and a high of 54). Maybe you can sell your eclipse glasses on eBay? Now let's witness a total eclipse of the NEWS.


• As we've predicted all along, Mayor Wheeler's plan to criminalize homelessness—by trying to enforce a ban on public resting between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm—kind of blew up in his face after he realized the ban would never hold up in court. (We hate to say we told you so... actually, we love saying "WE TOLD YOU SO!") Now the mayor is trying to water down his ban just enough not to get the city sued for the billionth time. What's different about this go-round? Our Courtney Vaughn explains it all, AND reveals the name of the commissioner who voted "no" the first time around, and is now leaning toward a "yes."

• Following recent acts of violence of public transportation, officials are unsurprisingly suggesting staffing trains with armed guards while some riders are dramatically claiming that trains and buses are simply "too dangerous." Our Taylor Griggs thoughtfully takes on this thorny issue in the latest edition of her excellent STREET VIEW column, and makes this terrific point which we should all take pains to remember:

In the United States, there were 24 reported homicides on public transit in 2021 (24 too many, to be clear). During the same year, 42,939 people died in car crashes in the U.S. 

• Welp, looks like Zenith Transport—the company who uses trains to transport hundreds of millions of gallons of explosive crude oil through Portland each year—pulled a fast one on Commissioners Carmen Rubio and Dan Ryan after the pair opened the door to allow them to continue endangering the city. While Zenith promised to stop storing crude oil in its Portland tanks, the company is using the opportunity to expand their operations and is planning to "vastly increase the total amount of fuels it offloads, stores and reloads at its Portland terminal." And though the increase will come from renewable fuels—this is important—the fuel "carry similar risks of spillage and explosion." Once again... WE TOLD YOU SO.

• After three months of nothin', someone purchased the winning ticket from a Northeast Portland establishment and won the $1.3 billion Oregon Powerball lottery. Actually, they will only take home at the most $705 million after taxes (if they choose to take it in small doses over the next 30 years), or $329.79 million if they want it in one lump sum. (As was famously said in Raising Arizona, "the government sure do take a bite, don't she?")


• In sporty-sports news, yesterday in the women's NCAA basketball final, the undefeated South Carolina remained undefeated by beating Iowa 87-75 to win the national championship, thanks to excellent shooting from the Gamecocks' Tessa Johnson and Kamilla Cardoso. The game may have marked a disappointing end to Iowa's Caitlin Clark's college career—but since NWBA is practically salivating over her graduation, I think she'll be okay.

• Donald Trump delivered the bad news to anti-abortion evangelicals that he no longer supports (a previously promised) nationwide ban on abortion, and now says he thinks that each state should decide for themselves. And surprise! Now these evangelicals are screaming that Trump stabbed them in the back. (Imagine a friend, who you've been supporting and defending for years, lying to you like that. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.)

• Meanwhile President Biden unveiled his latest plan today to eliminate student debt for millions of Americans, especially helping those who have been saddled with student loans for years, or struggling to pay them back. If successfully implemented, the plan could bring the total of Americans that have been helped with their student debt during the Biden administration to 30 million.

• Today in "oopsy-daisy": Controversial country star Morgan Wallen has been arrested for reckless endangerment after throwing a chair off the top of a building in downtown Nashville... which landed very near two police officers. Oopsy-daisy!

• And finally... here's one for the Oregonians who are missing today's solar eclipse.