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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! šŸ‘‹

Get ready for a much more reasonable day, temperature wise, with partly cloudy skies sliding away for the sun this afternoon, and a high of 79 degrees. (And you can expect low 80s for the rest of the week.) Now let's slide into some occasionally reasonable NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

ā€¢ Thanks to human-created climate change, deadly heat domesā€”like Portland experienced in 2021 that killed 69 peopleā€”are likely to become more prevalent. And it's been proven that trees and their protective shade can help prevent these deaths. Thanks to advocates like the ones our Taylor Griggs profiles in this article, the city is doing more to provide tree canopies to the neighborhoods that have been neglected for years.Ā 

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ā€¢ Last week's global IT outage didn't just affect air travel, hospitals, and big businessā€”it also knocked out Portland's emergency dispatch system, whose operators were forced to quickly switch over and take 911 calls manually. Thankfully, the switch was successful, and there was no major tragedy... you know... this time. Our Courtney Vaughn has more.

ā€¢ Following yesterday's morning showers, the sun came out and Biden dropped out, leading to a very festive Portland Pride Parade, in which participants expressed relief that there's renewed hope for keeping the "orange turd" out of the White House.

ā€¢ Today in "sounds like RACISM to me": The city council of Eagle, Idaho has voted to become a "non-sanctuary city" for undocumented immigrantsā€”which is to say taxpayer dollars cannot go to support services for undocumented people. It should be noted that nothing happened to lead to the vote, which was taken without public commentary... city leaders see it as "a proactive measure" to keep undocumented immigrants from "taking over" Eagle (and has absolutely nothing at ALL to do with the color of their skin). Roger that, Karen.

ā€¢ This just in: Commissioner and mayoral candidate Mingus Mapps cut his foot while hopping in downtown Portland's newly reopened Ira Keller Fountain! Apparently at the grand reopening, four of five commissioners stepped into the fountainā€”though government officials strongly advise against itā€”and Mapps' foot paid the price. Don't worry, Mapps is fine and resting comfortably... at the bottom of the race for Mayor (saaaaaad trommmbooone).

ā€¢ Wonder if Mapps was the victim in this one as well?

ā€¢ Hey fun lovers! You are NOT going to wanna miss the funniest game show in Portland, TWO EVILS with Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphyā€”happening this Wednesday, July 24! It's the entire audience vs. our special guest (the delightful drag artist PEACHY SPRINGS) in a contest to correctly answer the most morally bankrupt (and hilarious) questions you've ever heard. Who will be less ethically repugnant? Find out this Wednesday at TWO EVILS! Get those tickets now!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

ā€¢ Yesterday morning, President Joe Biden awoke, finally smelled the coffee, and announced online that he would step aside as the Democratic nominee for president, passing the torch to Vice President Kamala Harris. He's expected to address the nation to provide further details sometime this week. Thus far, the overwhelming sentiment has been gratitude toward Biden for his lifetime of service (despite some very unfortunate choices), but the next challenge will almost certainly come from Democrats themselves and if they will accept Harris as their candidate. As we know, Dems are famous for their endless naval gazing while simultaneously shitting on their best candidates, because... "remember that time back in 2003, when the candidate wore mismatched socks?? OMIGOD, I'm voting independent!" However it appears that a majority of Demsā€”including those who were ready to fight for the nominationā€”have jumped in line behind Harris. The Democratic Convention will take place on August 19-22 where challengers could still spring forth, but none have the built-in campaign or money already in place like Harris. But don't forget: This roller coaster ride to November is just getting started, and you can bet there are many more loop-the-loops ahead.

ā€¢ Sound up for this one! Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop!

ā€¢ For those confused by the Kamala Harris "coconut tree" meme, here's an explainer. šŸ„„šŸŒ“šŸ‡ŗšŸ‡ø

ā€¢ Oh, also? Charli XCX for Vice President.Ā 

ā€¢ Speaking of those "unfortunate choices" I mentioned earlier, Israeli Prime Minister (and genocide architect) Benjamin Netanyahu is visiting Washington, DC, today to make a politically fraught speech to congress, hoping to shore up support from both parties in order to continue his murderous war against the Palestinians, which has already killed more than 40,000 people.

ā€¢ Meanwhile Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle is testifying before Congress today to answer questions about how an assassination attempt against former President Trump was nearly successful. She's expected to take responsibility for the failures, though let's not forget that Trump kept himself in danger by ordering the agents to "wait" to get him off the stage so he could pose for a proper photo op, and retrieve his high-heel shoes.

ā€¢ And finally... the toasters are Kamala Harris popping into the race, and the cats are Republicans. Roll it.