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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋

Who's had a busy weekend of actively IGNORING all the spectacularly bad takes following last week's election? Wow, these so-called Democrats are the only people I know who, instead of blaming the actual people involved, love kicking each other in the scrabble bag when they're disappointed. Even worse, a few of these bad actors are saying we should have capitulated to the white supremacists and the hateful half of the country that voted for Trump... as if that would have somehow changed the outcome? LOL! Make a note, friends... despite the fact that a sizable part of the nation is in thrall of a convicted felon/cult leader, we should NEVER water down our ethics or sense of justice to appease people who want the rest of us (and especially marginalized communities) to stop existing. If you absolutely must blame someone, try focusing your ire on those who refuse to properly educate themselves and have lost their moral compass. Our pathway is UP—the rest of 'em can either keep up or get the fuck out of the way. 

And that's your Monday Morning Mini-Rant™—now, let's look at some NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Local election update! Now that only a very few votes (4,000 as of Saturday) are left to be counted, I think it's safe to say "OH, HELLO THERE!" to our newest incoming mayor, Keith Wilson, and our new city council, which is as follows: District 1: Candace Avalos, Loretta Smith, and (probably) Jamie Dunphy (waiting for the final count to clarify that one); District 2: Elana Pirtle-Guiney, Sameer Kanal, and current City Commissioner Dan Ryan 🙄; District 3: Steve Novick, Tiffany Koyama Lane, and Angelita Morillo; and District 4: Olivia Clark, Mitch Green, and most likely Eric Zimmerman... or possibly cop Eli Arnold (neither are great). In any case, that right there is a majority progressive council, with a few Portland Business Alliance puppets thrown in—which in theory should make the ever-conniving big business/realtor community happy, but rest assured they'll be pulling some anti-democratic shenanigans before you know it. Keep an eye on 'em! 🧐

Portland: Our new mayor Keith Wilson shows encouraging signs on transportation, above all his obsession with observation and data. Good profile by Jonathan Maus at Bike Portland.

bikeportland.org/2024/11/07/p...

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— Jarrett Walker (@humantransit.bsky.social) November 10, 2024 at 12:56 PM

• In other good election news, in the hotly contested (and way too close) Oregon's 5th Congressional District race, Democrat Janelle Bynum scored a win over Republican incumbent Lori Chavez DeRemer, flipping the US House seat from red to blue! While there is currently a narrow path to victory for House Democrats, it's still very tight—so at this moment, every Democrat win counts. (And in case you missed it, in Washington state, Rep. Marie Gluesenkamp Perez is the presumptive winner in the 3rd Congressional District, beating out dipshit MAGA candidate Joe Kent.)

• In the first baller move of his administration, mayor-elect Keith Wilson allegedly pressured current city commissioners Rene Gonzalez, Mingus Mapps, and Dan Ryan into dropping their theatrical stunt to end Portland's homelessness services agreement with Multnomah County. As our Courtney Vaughn reported, the three crybaby candidates were threatening to end the deal with the county, even though it would cost the city $40 million to do so. But according to Ryan—who is now furiously backpedaling on his bonehead decision—Wilson called the trio, and "made it clear that he would like us to take that off the table.... So out of respect for the new mayor, it just was good manners." HAAAAAAAAA! Right. Or maybe it was that Gonzalez and Mapps' run for mayor just blew up in their faces, and Ryan was left alone in the wilderness holding this particular bag of shit. In any case, an absolutely embarrassing way to end their obstructive, but mostly useless term—and I am here for it! 🎉

• The Portland Trail Blazers suffered an absolutely crushing defeat to the Memphis Grizzlies last night... 134-89? OUCH. Terrible shooting, poor defense, and a harsh 23 turnovers reportedly had the normally stoic coach Chauncey Billups reportedly issuing this post-game message to the players: “Anybody that sleeps well tonight, you’re a loser. It’s just that simple." Once again, with feeling: OUCH.

• Today in death: Pioneering climate scientist Warren Washington—who grew up in Portland—has died at the age of 88. Washington is credited with developing early models of global warming. Also, longtime Blazer radio announcer Brian "Wheels" Wheeler has died after an extensive illness; he was 62.

Ahead of the Blood Brothers' sold out show at Revolution Hall next week, we spoke with the band's two frontmen about the group's intense, abstract song lyrics. ⁠ We did not expect: Their shared theater history. The influence of Pulp's Jarvis Cocker.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.bsky.social) November 8, 2024 at 12:26 PM

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Despite exciting Democratic wins in Oregon and Washington, Republicans are getting closer to keeping control of the House, which after capturing the senate would mean that many of Trump's evil schemes could become a reality. Currently the GOP is four congresspeople away from securing the necessary 218 seats; the Dems are at 203. 😬

• Trump has chosen former ICE director Tom Homan to serve as his “border czar,” as the incoming president ramps up his plan to launch "the largest deportation operation in the nation’s history" (without presenting a plan on how it can be done or the billions it will cost us now and in the future). The recently elected convicted felon has also picked longtime loyalist/minion Rep. Elise Stefanik of New York to become the next US ambassador to the United Nations. Stefanik is a staunch supporter of Israel and their genocide, and has pushed for ending relief to war-torn Palestinians. The only potential good news here: Taking Stefanik out of her current job could lead Republicans into losing the House.

This is not great

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— Molly Jong-Fast (@mollyjongfast.bsky.social) November 11, 2024 at 7:49 AM

• In escaped monkey news: Twenty-four out of 43 monkeys who escaped a South Carolina research lab last week have been recovered—and staff has eyes on another "sizable" group. Locals are being advised to avoid touching the monkeys, and instead call 911. (Take it from someone who briefly lived there, South Carolina hates it when you touch your monkey.)

Your body, my choice

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— Berit Glanz (@beritmiriam.bsky.social) November 11, 2024 at 2:23 AM

• Toymaker Mattel has apologized for accidentally including a porn website address on packaging for dolls from the upcoming movie Wicked. The company is advising parents to either throw away the packaging or obscure the web address before kids accidentally stumble on to any "Two Witches, One Cup" videos. (On a scale of one-to-ten, how mad are you at me right now? I'm at, like, a seven.)

• And finally... a visual representation of what will happen to the economy five minutes after Trump takes office:

@vehiculeracing -caniparkhere? #boat ♬ original sound  - VÉHICULE