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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋
Tonight, tonight, TONIGHT! It's the absolutely hilarious and fun Mercury UNDISPUTABLE GENIUSES OF COMEDY! Portland's top stand-up comics (10 of 'em!) will take the stage this evening in a gut-bustin' evening of laffs, led by hype man/host extraordinaire Adam Pasi, and super special guest Mohanad Elshieky! It's all going down at Revolution Hall at 8 pm tonight, and... LOOK, YOU NEED LAUGHS, AND RIGHT NOW... CORRECT? Then grab your tickets for tonight's comedy show and get an automatic cheer-up, why don'tcha? Now let's bust a gut on today's NEWS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Let's kick off with some GOOD NEWS: After years of bureaucratic conservatives (such as former commissioner/mayoral candidate and current truck stop lawyer Rene Gonzalez) doing everything they could to hobble and hamper the voter-approved Portland Street Response, there is renewed hope that it can finally be a success! Thanks to support from our new mayor and city council, this critical alternative to police response is poised to help even more people who are in distress, and keep them alive. Our Courtney Vaughn has the upbeat details!
Portland's Community Safety Division director says Portland Street Response is in "a rebuilding year." The mobile crisis response program has struggled to find financial and political support within City Hall, but now, with new city leadership, the program might finally be positioned for success.
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 19, 2025 at 1:09 PM
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• It's no secret that the Portland Bureau of Transportation is, and has been, in dire financial straits thanks to declining revenue and rising costs, which is why Mayor Wilson is floating the idea of a new tax on Portlanders in the form of a transportation utility fee. The bureau, which is suffering from a $40 million revenue shortfall, needs the money for long overdue projects including pothole repair, safety improvements, and basic upkeep—though former leaders (such as Mayor Charlie Hales and Commish Steve Novick, during his first time around) have tried and failed to implement such a tax. While nothing is set in stone, and though Gov. Kotek has warned against implementing any new taxes, it appears as if Wilson is considering giving it a try anyway.
• In other shaky financial news, Oregon lawmakers are warning that Trump's proposed federal cuts could throw the state's budget into turmoil, severely endangering critical programs. The Oregon Ways and Means Committee just released the state's budget framework which covers the next two years, but there's no way of knowing how much we'll actually have thanks to the absolutely insane way Trump (and his slobbering lackey Elon Musk) are chopping away at federal programs. Roughly 32 percent of the budget that pays for healthcare, education, and transportation is supplied the federal government. So if you're asking how much trouble the state's budget is in, the only solid answer is 🤷♂️.
• Congrats to the Blazers who romped all over the Memphis Grizzlies last night, winning 115-99, with much thanks going to Anfernee Simons who scored 22 points for the evening. The win puts the Blazers within two games of the 10th place slot in the Western Conference.
• While today marks the first day of spring 🌷, it's also the beginning of coyote "pupping" season (which runs through May) when pups are being born around the area, and coyote parents are getting extra territorial. So here's your annual reminder to leave the coyotes alone if you see them, bang some pots if they're getting too close, and keep your curious, less-than-savvy pets inside.
"whether you’re just an admirer of nail art online and you would never get it yourself, it’s for you. If you are an avid ‘nails did’ DIYer at home, this is for you. Even if you are just a traditional person who enjoys going to art shows or gallery shows, it’s for you.”
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 19, 2025 at 1:50 PM
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IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• Today in KING FOOL news: Because he values stupidity so highly (or maybe simply because he doesn't know how to read), today Trump is expected to sign an order that will dismantle the Department of Education. The move will cause untold turmoil to the nation's 50 million public school students (15 percent of those who have disabilities), as well as undergrads who receive Pell Grants, and those who receive federal loans. While the department cannot be closed without the approval of Congress, I wouldn't expect any miracles coming from his mewling cult members.
The Trump administration said taking ownership of Ukrainian nuclear plants would give them the “best protection.” It’s unclear if Ukraine would agree to it.
— The New York Times (@nytimes.com) March 20, 2025 at 8:01 AM
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• Badar Khan Suri—a grad student from India who has been teaching at Georgetown University on a student visa—has been detained by masked federal immigration officials, who refuse to say why he was arrested. Suri is an “interdisciplinary scholar” who studies religion, with a focus on how to attain peace in the Middle East and South Asia. (So OF COURSE they arrested him!)
• The two-month ceasefire between Israel and Hamas collapsed this week, following Israel's air attack which killed at least 400 people including scores of children and pregnant women. Hamas returned fire earlier today, shooting rockets into Tel Aviv—though no casualties were reported.
• Whoopsie-doodle!
Hundreds of Social Security numbers and other personal details were exposed in the 64,000 pages of documents that the Trump administration declassified this week regarding the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
— The New York Times (@nytimes.com) March 20, 2025 at 7:53 AM
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• More bad news for Elon Musk (which I can't get enough of): Tesla cars have been yanked from Canada's upcoming Vancouver Auto Show due to concerns for "the safety of attendees, exhibitors, and staff” (i.e. exploding Teslas, hee-hee-hee). Also? Tesla stock continues to plummet, particularly AFTER Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick went on TV to persuade Americans to invest in the failing car company, hee-hee-hee!
Tesla is recalling 46,096 Cybertruck vehicles in the United States to fix an exterior panel that could detach while driving, the latest in a series of call-backs for the pickup truck since last year cnn.it/4ips9g8
— CNN (@cnn.com) March 20, 2025 at 6:23 AM
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• You love to see it: "ICE detainees flee from custody in Colorado after reported power outage."
• And finally... so you say flying witches don't exist? Then how do you explain... THIS?
@imjustbait She's casually living everyone's childhood dream.. #imjustbait #trending ♬ original sound - Imjustbait
