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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋

Expect a mix of clouds and sun today with a high of 57, and... oh, what's this? Gorgeous sunny skies and a high of 70 on Friday and 75 on Saturday? Close your drapes, neighbors—because it's a nude sunbathing weekend! (I'm sorry, but I wasn't put on this earth to have tan lines.) And now, let's strip down for some NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

•  Oregon Attorney General Dan Rayfield is at it again, joining 22 other state AGs to sue the droopy pants off Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr for abruptly shutting down nearly $12 billion in public health grants to several states. The baby bear kidnapper had ordered an end to handing out what he called COVID-related funds because (and get this), the government "will no longer waste billions of taxpayer dollars responding to a non-existent pandemic that Americans moved on from years ago." The thing is, that grant money doesn't just go to stomping out COVID, it's also used for all sorts of public health needs, such as infectious disease management, mental health and substance abuse services, and lots more. Rayfield is not effing around when he says, "the Department of Health and Human Services and Robert Kennedy have made a dangerous mistake, and we will hold them accountable for their actions that jeopardize the lives of our citizens." GO GET 'EM.

• Let's make it an even 50!

Oregon Attorney General Dan Rayfield has sued the Trump administration at least 10 times since taking office.

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— The Oregonian (@oregonian.com) April 2, 2025 at 5:59 PM

• Your "oopsy-doodle" local headline of the day: "Nike, Columbia Sportswear stocks fall after Trump announces tariff hikes."

• You love to see it....

Portland protesters turned out in force for a national "Tesla Takedown" day. The protests target Tesla CEO and DOGE leader Elon Musk, and his outsized influence over the US government. The FBI recently labeled attacks on Teslas “domestic terrorism,” vowing to “crack down" on vandalism of the EVs.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) April 2, 2025 at 1:22 PM

• Local cops and federal agents teamed up to bust a "Portland Sunday Market"... in Gresham? Turns out, according to officials, vendors at the event were selling ecstasy, cocaine, cannabis, LSD, ketamin, and mushrooms in a farmer's market-style setup—but wait, it gets better! The bust also set off a search of the property owner's home, which turned up "eight pistols, five rifles, four shotguns, and assorted ammunition" AND discovered an "on-site marijuana grow operation with 973 plants." Wait... is this what I've been missing from attending farmer's markets?

• Portland continues its dominance in the food world, and has snagged four nominations for this year's James Beard Awards, celebrating global excellence in the restaurant biz. The deliciously frenchy Coquine has been nominated for Outstanding Restaurant, Scotch Lodge got the nod for Outstanding Bar, and Jinju Patisserie is in the running for Outstanding Bakery. Plus, Portland's own Ryan Roadhouse is competing against two other Oregonians for the title of Best Chef: Northwest and Pacific. The awards will be given out in Chicago on June 16.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Soooooo... how is Trump's "Liberation Day" going after he declared sweeping tariffs on several countries, including US allies? Ummm... NOT SO GREAT. The Dow dropped a whopping 1500 points this morning, and financial markets around the globe are crashing as well, as the world settles in for the economic devastation of Trump's tariffs. Most experts agree the nonsensical tariffs will hit Americans the worst, could lead to higher prices across the board, and in the worst case scenario, a global recession. (Who were the idiots who put this guy in charge again?)

Islands that have no humans and many penguins and are the size of Philadelphia and aren't even a country have been hit with a reciprocal country tariff and what is happening www.wired.com/story/trump-...

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— Lauren Goode (@laurengoode.bsky.social) April 2, 2025 at 5:01 PM

• Trump's wildly erratic threats continue, as he's now warning every state's public school system to drop their DEI programs, or risk losing federal funding... because it's not enough to hate kids of color, Trump wants to ruin their chances of getting a good education as well. 

• More bad news (hee-hee-hee) for billionaire dipshit Elon Musk, who lost a LOT of political capital this week after trying (and hilariously failing) to buy a Wisconsin state Supreme Court seat, while also causing self-inflicted wounds with his DOGE chainsaw. Word on the Hill is that Musk is seen more and more as a liability to the Trump administration, as well as his own brands—such as Tesla suffering a whopping 13% drop in sales in the first three months of 2025—and Republicans are looking to send him packing. (The good news? At least he'll be able to join other failed Trump lackeys as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.)

• At least five are dead (mostly in Tennessee and Missouri), and ten or more are injured as violent storms whip across the Midwest and Southern states, spurring tornadoes, large hail, and flash floods, even as some areas are expected to receive up to 15 inches (!) of rain. Around 330,000 people are currently without power, and more storms and flooding are expected today.

• And finally... how I plan on treating my enemies today.

@happy.dog246 The two brothers quarreled fiercely…😅🥰😘#dog #doglover #dogsoftiktok #doggo #dogvideos #doglife #cuteanimals #cutedog #cutebaby #fyp #funnyvideos #foryou #tiktokviral #dogtok ♬ original sound - Happy dog