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Good morning, Portland, and happy Wednesday. It’s going to be cooler out today with a chance of some rain. Let it pour, please! I’m already tired of sweating. 

What I’m not tired of, though, is telling y’all about the latest news. So let’s get into it.

IN LOCAL NEWS: 

• If you stop by Shoofly, the delicious vegan bakery in Southeast Portland, you may be greeted with an unpleasant surprise: The normally boisterous cafe is quiet, and the doors are locked. On the door, a note will inform you that the cafe’s employees have walked off the job after their owner failed to pay them for the second pay period in a row. The staffers are now trying to raise awareness and funds to buy the bakery themselves—they say since it was purchased by new ownership recently, things have gone downhill. Our Courtney Vaughn has the backstory and important updates for you, right here. 

• The world is a horrible place. Someone stabbed an elephant seal pup on the Oregon coast in March 😭 and got away with it, but the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is trying to find the person responsible. LUCKILY, the seal pup survived, but was left with multiple wounds. As an NOAA agent said, “It’s very rare to hear of this type of crime where someone would do something like this...we were disturbed about that behavior and why they would do that to one of these seals.” Yeah, I'm disturbed too!! Our animals deserve much better than this, to say the very least. Save our seals...and our souls. 

• In slightly more optimistic animal-related news, some ducks crossing I-205 were saved Monday when an Oregon State Police trooper stopped all traffic to ensure their safe passage. Is it copaganda to repeat this story? IDK, but I think this is a relatively good thing for troopers to be doing with their time. And luckily, we get to read about it in Zane Sparling's words in the Oregonian, so the story includes these lines: While the ducks weren’t immediately available for comment, a bird’s eye view of the area suggests the flock was heading west toward a large slough formed by the Clackamas River. They are now, one hopes, happily quacking." 🦆🐤

• Check out the Mercury's music picks this week, which includes such events as The Jesus Lizard/Gaytheist at Revolution Hall (Thursday and Friday), Alien Boy at Polaris Hall (Friday), and the St. Johns Bizarre on Saturday, which will feature lots of fun and free music, among other festivities. THX NOLAN PARKER FOR THE RECS! 

Big release energy this week in Mercury Music Picks—both Grails and Alien Boy droppin' new albums like they're hot with release parties slated for this Friday 🥵

That and so much more 🔻🔻🔻

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) May 6, 2025 at 12:10 PM

 

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• The conclave to choose a new pope has begun, with Catholics cardinals entering the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican to “pray, discern and vote for the next pope without distraction.” It’s a secretive situation. A two-thirds majority is needed to elect the new pope, which could be met today or in subsequent days. It’s unclear who—or what kind of person, compared to the fairly forward-thinking Pope Francis—the new pope will be, but we’ll find out pretty soon. (And some people are making their bets.)

• The Environmental Protection Agency plans to end the Energy Star program, which has helped home appliances become more efficient over the last 30 years, saving Americans straight up hundreds of billions of dollars in their utility bills over that time. It’s been a hugely successful program, but the Trump administration doesn’t really care about success (as most people would view it) or efficiency, though it has claimed that as a buzzword. And all to end the “woke” act of, uh, protecting the planet we all live on and preventing needless waste. We’ll all suffer from this, in numerous ways. To quote one expert in the field, “if you wanted to raise families’ energy bills, getting rid of the Energy Star label would be a pretty good way.” Awesome!

• Mark Carney, the newly elected prime minister of Canada, traveled to the White House to meet up with Trump for the first time yesterday, and it proved to be a unique showdown between the American sycophant and the leader of the country he wants to annex as our 51st state. Here was one notable exchange during the conversation, as described by the AP: 

Carney: “Some places are never for sale.” (Referring to Canada)

Trump: [Shrugging and raising eyebrows]: "Never say never." 

After Trump said that, Carney mouthed the words "never, never, never." 

Still, the meeting ended with Trump declaring he liked Carney. He is an enigma in some ways, but I am rooting for Canada here and hope Carney will stand strong against the US. (If anything, I'd like Cascadia to become a Canadian province. Let's start that conversation??)

• You know how people have been talking about those REAL IDs (capitalization per the Department of Homeland Security) for a long ass time now? Well, if you tuned out the conversation, you might wanna tune in, because enforcement of the policy starts TODAY (capitalization my own)! Regular IDs won't be accepted at the airport anymore, you gotta get a special one with a golden star on it. Or you can use your passport. With everything that's been cut and slashed in the American government this year, it really says something that this annoying policy remains in place. 

• Finally...I hope you find some joy today. Happy Wednesday!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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