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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!đ
The sunny-sun returns today and tomorrow with highs ranging from 70 today up to 80 (!) on Friday. And pray for continuing sun into next week when we kick off the Mercury's HIGHBALL WEEK featuring delicious, creative cocktails made by 41 of Portland's best bartenders! PATIOS, HERE WE COME! (Yayyyyy!) As soon as we finish the NEWS. (Booooooo!)
IN LOCAL NEWS
⢠As we previously reported, Portland City Council was not impressed with a city hearings officer decision to greenlight PGE's plan to chop down five acres of trees in the protected Forest Park to clear the path for transmission upgrades, and indicated they may overturn the decision. And lo and behold? They've done exactly that. All 12 councilors unanimously voted to uphold the appeals from two groups, Forest Park Conservancy and Forest Park Neighborhood Association, after hearing testimony from thousands of Portlandersâmost of whom were against PGE's plan. A primary fearâother than the loss of nearly 400 treesâwas that approval of the plan would set a dangerous precedent that could lead to PGE suddenly announcing they need even more of the land that (LEST WE FORGET) is a public park. Thank you, next.
The annual range of deaths was  130 to 5,100, the study showed, with the highest in states such as  Oregon and California. The climate-fueled wildfires also cost about $160 billion from 2006 to 2020, the study found.
â The Oregonian (@oregonian.com) May 7, 2025 at 3:30 PM
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⢠In a study of contrast, the commissioners for Curry Countyâlocated in southwest Oregonâhave caused a major kerfluffle by issuing a proclamation that they would like to flout Oregon's state sanctuary laws by assisting Trump's gestapo ICE agents in their draconian plan of mass deportation without due process. While the fear of losing federal funds and increased crime (supposedly committed by immigrants... which has been debunked time and time again) was noted as a good reason to cooperate with Trump's virulently racist scheme, the idea was shouted down, quickly tabled, and sent back to hell where it belongs for revision.
⢠To the surprise of no one, Oregon House Republicans have goofed again! The GOP caucus had previously dismissed the plan to ask Oregonians for a tax increase to help pay for road and other transportation improvements, saying that the Department of Transpo could generate $56 million every two years by leasing out 70,000 square feet of their unused offices. Apparently "the maths" isn't their forte, because they quickly withdrew that idea after the Oregonian pointed out that renting the space would only bring in about $4 million. (Saaaad trommmmbone!) But wait! It gets better (or worse, if you're a Republican), because a real estate professional said that  a more reasonable two-year estimate would only be net roughly $1.7 million. LOOK, THEY WERE ONLY $54 MILLION OFF, SO GIVE THEM A BREAK, OKAY? (And maybe require them to take a basic math class at night school.)
⢠Yesterday marked the deadline for getting one's Real IDâwhich allows Americans to board flightsâbut if you still haven't gotten yours, don't panic! You can always use your valid passport to hop on a plane instead, and the feds have offered a grace period to those who were delayed by long lines to get the ID. TSA agents will be using extra security measures at the gate to make sure passengers who don't have a passport or Real ID are safe to fly... but it's unclear how long this grace period will last.
⢠Do you find the title of this theatrical event, Bottoming for Jesus, intriguing? I sure as fuck do! Then find out the information you crave from our Suzette Smith's smart and fun interview with creator Michael Holt, whose one-person show "seeks to both entwine and unwind the relationship between religion, sexuality, and community." I'm in!
The Queen of Hear In Portland, Jenni Moore sings the praises of fellow Portland queens Esperanza Spalding and Karma Riveraâalong with Bronx rapper Coco Jonesâin this week's column đâ
â Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) May 7, 2025 at 11:26 AM
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IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
â˘Â After being bludgeoned by repeated negative opinion polls, Trump signaled he's ready to sign a trade deal with Britainâthough British leaders have not announced any such agreement. Any positive news at all about Trump's increasingly ridiculous plan to scuttle the global economy is undoubtedly welcome to the administrationâespecially since European Union members have a plan in place to slap the US with hefty tariffs if King Fool refuses to play ball... which would limit Americans from getting such necessities as airplane and car parts, meat, and BOURBON. (At least that's a necessity to me. đ¤ˇââď¸)
⢠Black smoke pouring out of the Vatican today indicates that a new pope has not been chosen (rather than some careless bishop burning a piece of toast). It seems to me that smoke is not the most convenient or "climate friendly" way to make an announcement. Now if it were me, I'd take a cue from our older gay community, and if a new pope has been chosen, all the priests wear a light blue handkerchief in their left back pocket. If there's no new pope, a purple one in their right. (A handkerchief in both pockets means they're into anal.) [UPDATE: A new pope has been chosen... which does not reduce the hilarity of my previous joke.]
⢠Yeah, that's what America needs... more fucking billionaires. đ
SCOOP: Elon Musk's DOGE has started rolling out a dedicated website and other digital infrastructure for Trump's $5 million gold card program, which he said would allow wealthy people to buy US residency. From me & @zoeschiffer.bsky.social www.wired.com/story/doge-t...
â Louise Matsakis (@lmatsakis.bsky.social) May 7, 2025 at 3:34 PM
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⢠At least 80 pro-Palestinian protesters have been detained during a demonstration at Columbia University. The protesters had taken over a room in the university's library after Israel announced on Monday that they intend to escalate their genocidal plans to seize the entirety of the Gaza Strip.
⢠And now, "three headlines that will make you lose your goddamn mind": 1) "Trump appoints former âReal Housewivesâ star to Holocaust Museum board." 2) "Lawyers for man executed by firing squad in South Carolina say bullets mostly missed his heart." 2) "House passes GOP-led bill to rename Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America." God, these people are such an embarrassment. đ
⢠Speaking of MAGA embarrassment, aren't you glad you got off Twitter?
itâs astounding how twitter has quite possibly the dumbest user base of any social media these days
â onion person (@junlper.beer) May 7, 2025 at 3:49 PM
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⢠A Mississippi man has been charged with felony and vandalism after crashing into and destroying the gate that surrounds the Los Angeles mansion of actress Jennifer Aniston. The man has allegedly been sending unwanted emails and voice mails to Aniston since 2023, and if convicted, could spend three years in prison.
Meryl Streep and Martin Short make out on âOnly Murders in the Buildingâ set after real-life romance is confirmed
â Page Six (@pagesix.com) May 8, 2025 at 7:53 AM
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⢠And finally... you're looking for the perfect romantic match, right? ("ALWAYS!") Then have I got a bunch of radical, totally tubular '80s gals for YOU!
@magickal_wizard Oh yeahhhhhhh. These chicks, are like, majorly rad.#80s ⏠original sound - Higher_Vibration
