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Good Morning, Portland: It's fucking beautiful out—forecasts promising a high of 85 degrees—and Comedy in the Park starts tonight! SOME BAD NEWS: Sunday and Monday are going to have highs of 95-96 degrees, so let's all look out for one another. If you need anything, I'll be in my basement, for copious reasons. Let's get into those reasons—in the news!

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Unlike other heat waves Portland has experienced in recent years, the one slapping our buns starting Sunday should cool off at night. That may be why Multnomah County doesn't plan to open any emergency centers at this time. The heat will be at its worst during the noon to mid-afternoon and officials have recommended climate controlled public spaces like libraries, malls, and community centers to those trying to stay cool.

• KOIN has a great round up of a potential clusterfuck on the weekend horizon: construction on I-84 and Highway 217, high temperatures, TriMet maintenance and graffiti cleanup pausing MAX service (there will be 💀shuttles💀), and downtown streets blocked off for the Grand Floral Parade.

• Wrap a wet towel around your neck and ride your bike, IMO.  On Saturday there's a Revolutionary Bicycle Club’s Rise Up & Ride ride that ends at Gays Eating the Rich in the Park—which Nolan Parker and I earmarked as a Pride event of note this week.

• Tonal shift incoming: The FBI says it prevented a mass shooting and bombing plot, allegedly concocted by a teenager in Columbia County.  He was arrested on May 22, three days after the organization received a tip that the youth had made threats in a group chat. Authorities said the plan entailed detonating a chlorine bomb in a mall in Kelso, Washington, then shooting those who attempted to flee.

• Last week, the Trump administration published a list of  “sanctuary jurisdictions” that included 19 counties and cities in Oregon. The list came in response to a—probably unlawful—April executive order by President Trump demanding that federal officials figure out where folks are "obstructing federal immigration law enforcement," so the government could punish them. WELP, the Oregonian reports that federal officials "quickly deleted the inventory after facing blowback." Several "jurisdictions in Oregon said they didn’t know what prompted them to be on the list, and at least one – Linn County – contacted federal officials to request its removal." Counties that definitely want to deport their folks: Linn, Clatsop, Klamath, Marion and Columbia.

• About a bill: On Thursday, Oregon lawmakers passed House Bill 3546, which makes the state's big data centers cover their own electricity bills. It also ensures that the centers must sign a 10-year contract to "stick around to pay off utilities’ investment in new resources," the Oregonian reports. 

• Also yesterday, Portland City Council approved a settlement to the descendants of displaced Black families whose homes and businesses were destroyed in the name of urban renewal, OPB reports:

The original financial settlement proposed to the council was $2 million. After testimony from a dozen community members, including descendants, all 12 councilors voted to increase the amount another $6.5 million.

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— Alex Zielinski (@alexzee.bsky.social) June 5, 2025 at 7:04 PM

• Local artist Mike Bennett opens a new downtown installation today—a Portland Aquarium that promises "no tanks, no live animals—just pure imagination." It in the old Public Domain coffee shop spot. And I cannot be more clear that there are NO FISH, just illos.

• Meanwhile, the Oregon Zoo got 17 real life tiny turtles—the endangered northwestern pond turtle hatchlings, "each about the size of a walnut" (!!!) are being cared for by zoo conservationists "until next spring when they’re big enough to have a fighting chance in the wild," a press release from the zoo said.

• The second annual Portland Book Week starts today, and as much as I tire of dedicated periods of time to pay attention to specific things—why is today National Donut Day, Drive-In Movie Day, and Fish and Chips Day? Who decided? Is it even an authority I recognize?—we can all agree that bookshops are great, and we all might be a little happier if we went to one. Portland Book Week has added to these pre-existing good vibes with a number of fun events, organized across more than 60 bookstores. The Mercury's Lindsay Costello put together ten picks you must not miss!

• Before we descend into the shit-fire that is national politics, please take a moment to enjoy Poison Waters on a mechanical bull. Has anyone more darling ever lived? DOUBTFUL.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• On Thursday, disgraced temp Elon Musk and President Donald Trump engaged in a weird flame war on their respective social media platforms Twitter and Truth Social. Like dueling divas at opposite ends of the club... no, they aren't that cool... like rain-soaked conspiracy theory dudes trying to share a single community center lobby, they barbed back and forth, with jabs that sounded high stakes but which will probably carry the consequence of so much stanky evaporating water. Musk claimed that the President appears in the Epstein Files, which were released in late February. Trump's Truth Social account responded "the easiest way to save money in our Budget (sic), Billions and Billions of Dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts." Leading up to the spat, Musk has been criticizing a massive bill that Republicans are attempting to push through legislation by way of reconciliation process. Fans and haters alike piled to their screens to speculate that Musk might be making maneuvers fueled by unrecommended doses of ketamine. The NYT reported on Musk's seemingly intensifying drug use last week. 

• Now for the TLDR, the horny text recap:

IN OTHER NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Palestine would like to stop having a war in it.

• Ukraine would like to stop having a war in it.

• Trump said some unprofessional, undignified stuff in front of Germany’s chancellor, Friedrich Merz—which likely only confirmed the chancellor's expectations of Americans.

• If this is the last funny video I ever post, I'd better go out big—or just really express some personal truth, or BOTH: