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Hey, Portland! Good morning. It’s gonna be rainy today, with temps in the low 50s. There’s even a winter weather advisory in the Cascades! Happy April.
Speaking of April, you may be aware that it’s April Fool’s Day. What tricks should I pull on you, dear Good Morning, News reader? Just kidding. I would never trick you <3
On a completely separate note, I’ve been tasked with relaying the information that Pizza Week is cancelled this year. But don’t worry, because we’re replacing it with something even better: Beans week. That’s right: At two or three participating local restaurants, you will be able to purchase a bowl of plain, unseasoned beans for the low price of 20 bucks each! I’m told there will be some variety in what kinds of beans are being served—you’ll have a choice between Great Northern, lima, and kidney.
Haha. You’ve been fooled, I’m sure. (I have to be super clear about my lies because I’m an ethical journalist and also I fear what would happen if anyone actually believed Pizza Week was cancelled. PIZZA WEEK IS NOT CANCELLED!!!! And that’s God’s honest truth. But we might have bean week anyway.
Okay, let’s get to the news.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• With the city and state facing tough budget cycles and the oft-repeated talk of Portland’s “doom loop,” observers from across the political spectrum agree that the city’s economic situation is not what it needs to be. But exactly how to bolster the region’s economy is up for debate. While some seem to believe tax incentives are the best way to bring business investments to the state, progressive advocates want state leaders to focus more on things like social programs and green jobs. To quote one such thinker, Portland’s efforts to revitalize should be based on “what we want to be as a community” instead of “what anybody else thinks of us.” Read more in Abe Asher’s article here.
• City and state leaders want to use public money to renovate the Moda Center, with (now-official) new Trail Blazers owner Tom Dundon twisting their arms with apparent threats to take the team out of Portland. We all know about this already. What we weren’t aware of until the Oregonian reported it yesterday is that this ragtag group of elected officials and civil servants have been speaking about the Moda Center deal in CODE, perhaps so the public wouldn’t get hold of the news. The code name they’ve chosen is “Project Mt. Hood,” which city spokesperson Cody Bowman said “is meant to reflect the scale and significance of the Moda Center to Portland.” It may be unfortunate for the contentious deal that Mt. Hood is an active volcano. While it may not be expected to blow up in the immediate future, it will at some point.
• Speaking of the Blazers, our team beat the LA Clippers yesterday by 10 points, notching an important win for the postseason. (I can’t really explain how the postseason works, sorry, but I just know it’s good they won.) Last night’s win came at the end of a more interesting game than their blowout victory against the Washington Wizards on Sunday. Sometimes, a little suspense can be good.
• Mercury film critic Dom Sinacola has the scoop on The Super Mario Galaxy Movie.
IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• Always a good sign when the government wants to make it harder for people to vote! To be honest, the US government has a long history with embracing voter suppression, but President Trump is definitely more open about his eagerness to disenfranchise those who wish to participate in democracy. Yesterday, Trump signed an executive order that seeks to task the federal government and the US Postal Service with “enhancing the integrity” of mail-in voting. The order insinuates there is a huge problem with fraud and illegal voting within the mail-in voting system, which is not true. Actually, it’s just a good system that makes it much easier for people to vote—Oregonians would know. The order seemingly sets out to make the act of mail-in voting a bureaucratic nightmare for everyone involved. It would make it a requirement for states to send over their voter rolls if they want the USPS to transmit ballots to the states. Oregon leaders have already refused to hand over voters’ personal information to the feds, and a judge said they didn’t have to do it. The executive order is likely to be blocked in court, but if it gets up to the Supreme Court, who knows! They’ve already signaled an interest in making things harder for mail-in voters.
• Speaking of Trump and the Supreme Court…the president was in attendance this morning while justices heard his administration’s arguments in favor of ending birthright citizenship. Because he is racist and hateful, Trump sought to end birthright citizenship through an executive order when he re-entered office last January. That order was immediately blocked in lower courts and eventually found its way to the highest court, where arguments are currently being heard. It’s very unusual for a sitting president to attend oral arguments at the Supreme Court. In fact, it’s never been done before. But Trump is just so eager to ruin people’s lives that he’ll drop everything to be there. The Supreme Court is expected to make a definitive ruling by early summer.
• Trump’s choice to start a war on Iran has been a complete disaster in a multitude of ways, and his decisions during this time have mostly seemed baseless and random. (Surprise?) In another twist, Trump announced yesterday that he expected the war to end in “two to three weeks,” promising the US would be “leaving very soon” and that gas prices would “come tumbling down.” Sure. He may have a new idea in mind today, as the White House has announced he’ll be providing “an important update” about the war this evening. No further details were provided. Meanwhile, Ebrahim Azizi, the head of the Iranian Parliament’s National Security Committee, said the Strait of Hormuz would not reopen for the US, and announced that “47 years of hospitality [from Iran to the US] are over forever.”
• A new Quinnipiac poll shows that while Americans are increasingly using AI in their daily lives, their trust in the technology is decreasing, and they think it’ll do more harm than good. STOP USING IT, THEN!!! It’s not mandatory, you know. Not yet, at least. Keep those synapses firing while you still can! A little more than a quarter of participants said they have never used AI tools—down from a third last year.
• Finally, hope your day goes a little smoother than this. BYEEE!
