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Good Morning, Portland! It’s supposed to be 80 degrees today. 1) THAT IS UPSETTING. 2) GO TO THE RIVER. 3) DON’T actually go INTO the river; just stand around it, and talk with your friends. This is your annual reminder that Portland’s gracious mountain-fed streams are cold as heck. Don’t race your friends to the other shore. We especially insist you refrain from this if you’ve been drinking.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Portland finally has a street fee. On Wednesday, City Council voted 9-3 in favor of a new fee for the transportation bureau, which will be tacked onto Portlanders’ water bills starting in January. Not everyone is happy about the new charge (!), but councilors and transportation leaders say it’s needed to start fixing the city’s streets and other assets (potholes!). Previous City Councils were unable to muster the political will to get a similar revenue stream passed, but the new group of city leaders were able to get it done in less than a year.
• Mayor Keith Wilson made some waves Wednesday, proposing during the City Council meeting that the city should float a support program for new grocers, which does nothing to bring Sheridan back [shakes fist at sky]. The idea is already in his proposed budget and would grant $100,000 to new supermarkets. Then Wilson memo’d Portland City Councilor Sameer Kanal, asking him to drop a proposed ban on masks for law enforcement officers, which would also require they wear clear identification. A large inspiration/purpose for the ban is to require federal agents to identify themselves, and Wilson argued that it might cause the Trump administration to come down hard in response.
• Home Forward CEO Ivory Matthews will resign May 1 amid questions about travel she reportedly made on the public’s dime. Portland Housing Bureau interim director Micheal Buonocore will assume leadership of Multnomah County’s housing authority for the next few months. AND YES Buonocore is the interim director because Mayor Keith Wilson and Deputy City Administrator Donnie Oliveira put the Portland Housing Bureau’s former director on administrative leave without cause in October 2025.
• Today in OKAY? TRICKY! Sauvie Island sunbathers will need an extra parking permit to put their cars anywhere near the humble holm’s Columbia River beaches this summer. But this is just on the weekends, and it’s an attempt to control the abysmal traffic that can clog up the isle’s roads. IYKYK, right? The extra pass—Sauvie Island Beaches Pass—is $10 per day and $30 for the summer duration of June 15-Labor Day. Car people ALSO need the traditional Wildlife Area Parking Permit they’ve always needed (also $10 for the day, $30 annually) which entitles one to park some wheels in what is actually a bird habitat all year long.
• Today in bird egg thievery, Oregon State Police Fish and Wildlife Division has an all points bulletin out for an obvious bro-of-interest who was caught on camera with his hand in an osprey bird nest, located along the railroad trestle, near Rivervilla Park in Milwaukie. It’s hard to imagine a more incriminating set of photos than these:
• The late ’90s and early 2000s were a hard time to be a Trail Blazers fan. Some of you are nodding sagely at this statement; some of you are quixotically tilting your head. Well, Netflix’s new documentary Untold: Jail Blazers explores this era, largely through interviews with players-turned-coaches Damon Stoudamire, Bonzi Wells, and Rasheed Wallace. For the Mercury, Joe Streckert reviewed the new doc and found it more than a little snide about Portland itself. And that’s not even really a judgement. That’s just what happened.
• Did you know Björk starred in a witchy black-and-white fantasy film as a teenager? Second Run returns with deets on The Juniper Tree, 3 Women, and other dreamy repertory screenings at local cinemas this month.
• Portland Playhouse is going somewhere it’s never been: to a pineapple under the sea! In the Playhouse’s new staging of The SpongeBob Musical, actors embody singing sea creatures—as they stare down the apocalypse and play their own instruments.
IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• A new price tag dropped Wednesday for the US’ war on Iran. Pentagon officials gave their first public estimate for the cost of the war SO FAR—THIS IS JUST SO FAR. And it’s $25 billion.
• As part of offering that estimate, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth appeared before the House Armed Services Committee, on Wednesday, to call politicians who didn’t want to do war and explosions “feckless,” like he was in a middle ages role playing game or something. Hey, how many US military service members have died as part of Operation Epic Fury? That number is now 14.
• Despite rising gas prices, which are contributing to inflation, the US economy is holding tight. Economists think it’s because everyone just got their tax refunds.
• The Onion‘s recently-acquired Inforwars may be forced to shut down tonight. According to a note on Bluesky, this is related to Texas court filings and nobody knowing who owns what. 💁♀️
• Several lawsuits are seeking to head off plans to close the Kennedy Center and halt dubious renovation plans, which remain largely undefined. NPR reports that one lawyer introduced the issue of trust, pointing to “Trump’s claim that his ballroom design for the White House wouldn’t interfere with the building,” which was quickly demolished soon after.
• Is this NEWS? IDK Do you want to know that Subway Sandwiches is serving up $5 subs again? For the hard times? Sometimes you just have a hard time at a Subway Sandwiches, and I WOULD NEVER JUDGE YOU. I would join you. Hold up—there’s more than just sandos on the unnecessarily-capitalized Fresh Value Menu. For those limiting the substance that Subway has been discouraged from calling bread, they’ve also got Protein Pockets wraps.
• Sending you into Thursday with this singing-to-the-Teams-beat energy. Although, to be clear, you are to call off today, if it would be not irresponsible to do so.
