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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋
Fantastic news, food lovers! The Portland Mercury‘s PIZZA WEEK IS BACK, BAY-BEE! That’s correct, starting today and through Sunday, April 26, the Merc’s highly anticipated and beloved Pizza Week will feature one-of-a-kind, creative slices across 70 locations. Even better? Each slice is just $4 or, at participating venues, you can get a WHOLE DAMN PIE for $25! So what are you waiting for? GET TO EATIN’. (And as an appetizer, eat up this NEWS.)
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Portland’s Volunteers of America (VOA) scandal continues to get even worse. Nearly two weeks after announcing what they said would be a “temporary” closure of their women’s drug and alcohol treatment center, in which they suddenly, and without warning, discharged a whopping 47 patients (leading to some of them relapsing), VOA Oregon now says it will permanently close the facility and lay off all of its staff. VOA Oregon is claiming it was facing mounting operational expenses which led to the closure—however, their announcement comes shortly after complaints were filed with the Oregon Health Authority over potential legal and ethical breaches surrounding the sudden discharges. Sounds extremely sketchy, no? Our Courtney Vaughn has all the details in her investigative report.
• A tough playoff opener for our Portland Trail Blazers, who traveled to San Antonia last night to take on the Spurs in game one of the Western Conference playoffs, and were soundly beaten, 111-98. While the Blazers’ defense was strong as always, it was no match for the indomitable Victor Wembanyama, who scored 35 points and hit five out of six of his three-pointers. This means the Blazers have some planning to do in anticipation of game two of the series, which takes place tomorrow (Tuesday) in San Antonio at 5 pm.
• In far more disturbing sports news, Portland’s Central Catholic’s private high school has forfeited two of their varsity baseball team’s games after at least one player reportedly uttered a disgusting racist slur during a pre-game huddle before two separate games earlier this month. In response, Central Catholic forfeited two games last week, and canceled two in-school learning days today and tomorrow. However, they also put an end to a petition to forfeit the team’s entire season that was posted by one of the school’s Black teachers, who said he was “pressured to take this petition down for my own safety and the safety of others.” The Oregon School Activities Association is reportedly in contact with the school and is looking into the situation, as Central Catholic’s baseball team is expected to continue their season this Tuesday.
• In his State of the City speech on Friday, Mayor Keith Wilson countered the narrative posited by the city’s developers and wealthy business class that Portland is in an economic “doom loop,” saying “Can we all agree that Portland is getting its main character energy back?” The mayor pointed to lowering crime rates, increased investment in downtown, and 1,500 new overnight shelter beds—though made no mention of his campaign promise to end unsheltered homelessness… probably because, according to numbers from Multnomah county, 3,000 additional people became houseless since Wilson took office.
• In an absolutely blistering written opinion, U.S. District Judge Mustafa T. Kasubhai absolutely hammered Trump toady/Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s attempt to restrict federal funding for gender-affirming care for minors. The opinion follows Kaubhai’s December ruling in which he sided with Oregon and 20 other states in finding that Kennedy’s declaration was unlawful and cruel. “Secretary Kennedy’s unlawful declaration harmed children,” Kasubhai wrote. “This case illustrates that when a leader acts without authority and in the absence of the rule of law, he acts with cruelty.” So far the federal government remains silent on the judge’s opinion.
• As the “boom” of artificial intelligence continues to careen along with hardly any guard rails in sight, what’s to become of “natural intelligence”? In the latest edition of THE BLACK BYLINE, author Donovan Scribes digs into the runaway train of AI and how its “helping hand” could lead humanity to even deeper disconnection.
• Soooo… how do YOU choose to get around town? You certainly may have your preferences when it comes to transportation mode choices, but how well-informed are they? In our transportation issue on the streets right now, your friends at the Mercury set out on a very scientific race across the city (during rush hour and with a variety of transpo modes) to figure out once and for all the BEST way to get around Portland. Spoiler alert: Hijinks ensued. Spoiler alert two: There was some cheating. Spoiler alert three: I was maybe probably absolutely the one doing the cheating.
• If you love Korean and Italian food, has our Katherine Chew Hamilton got a hot tip for you! Food cart Nice Time specializes in fresh pasta, and alongside Italian and Italian American staples like fresh tomato, basil, and burrata spaghettini drizzled with bright olive oil, you’ll find Korean-inflected dishes like gochujang ragu ravioli and perilla mushroom pasta. Get ready to drool with this Mercury review!
IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• In a blink-or-ya-missed-it move, the Trump administration secured the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz late last week… only to see the door slammed in their face once again by Iran—a move that sent gas prices rocketing skyward. (Only one ship had made it through the strait during the scant 24-hour window.) Today Iran is vowing retaliation after the US boarded and seized an Iranian cargo ship on the same week a shaky ceasefire between the countries is scheduled to end. That said, the US and Iran are still planning to engage in peace talks this week, with Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian saying that the current situation “benefits no one.” Unfortunately for everyone, Trump is once again sending in Vice President and ridiculously underqualified dolt J.D. Vance to fuck up the talks… so maybe instead of saving up to send your kids to college, you might just want to focus on filling your tank?
• US importers hopped online early this morning to collect what could be $166 billion in tariff refunds after the Supreme Court batted down Trump’s economy-wrecking tariff plan as unconstitutional. The refund portal went online at 8 am this morning eastern time, as thousands of business owners have already applied for payback from Trump—though if you expect these business owners to return any of that money to the consumer… well, dream on, dreamer. You’re living in late-stage capitalism, don’tchaknow.
Conservatives made at least 4,235 attempts to ban books in 2025, only five less than the record set in 2023. According to the American Library Association who released their annual list of the most frequently challenged books, more than 90 percent of the ban attempts are coming from conservative political action groups, such as “Moms for Liberty” or government officials rather than individual parents.
Today in “it’s time to panic,” robots can run faster than you now: “A Chinese android just ran a half-marathon faster than any human ever.”
And finally… me, whenever I try to sing karaoke.
