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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋
In “weather” news: Expect another balmy Portland week with highs in the mid-50s and a possibility of showers arriving tomorrow. In “laughter” news: GUYS! Hurry, hurry and snap up those tickets for this Friday’s (March 27) laugh-filled edition of THE UNDISPUTABLE GENIUSES OF COMEDY. It’s our yearly comedy show featuring the best of Portland’s comedians and super special guest, Matt Braunger! 😍 Trust me, you need these big laughs right now, so grab your tix for Friday night’s show at Revolution Hall before it sells out! And now, in “news” NEWS….
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• White House border czar Tom Homan (under orders from Trump) has cooked up a terrrrrible plan to send ICE agents to the nation’s airports—perhaps at some point even the Portland International Airport (PDX)—to supposedly help alleviate long TSA waits brought about from the partial government shutdown which was caused by Republicans wanting to exorbitantly fund ICE. (Do you see some irony there? Same!) The ICE agents (who will be paid, as opposed to TSA agents who will not) will supposedly be guarding exits or checking passenger IDs—a move many compare to World War II gestapo officers stopping citizens and checking their papers. While the biggest threat is for larger airports, PDX officials say our TSA wait times have not been particularly long, even with the influx of spring break travelers. (And it should also be noted that while people of color have long been singled out for suspicion by TSA agents, the addition of ill-trained ICE agents could make an already bad situation infinitely worse.)
The Portland Thorns drew their largest-ever crowd for a home opener (21,321)—and to top it off, they secured a shutout victory against Seattle.
Despite two early red cards, the Thorns’ tough defense and two early goals propelled them to a smooth win in an absolutely electric Providence Park.
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 20, 2026 at 11:45 PM
• In an agreement with the teachers’ union to help trim their big budget deficit, Portland Public Schools came to a decision on Sunday to shorten the school year—and that means three fewer school days, the addition of one unpaid holiday, and (most importantly to the educators) no teacher layoffs. The new agreement means the public school year will end on June 5, canceling the June 9 day of instruction, and getting rid of a grading day on June 10. In addition there will be no school on May 1, while Memorial Day (May 25) will become an unpaid day off.
You already know and like the locals behind this new women’s sports documentary fest, Portland Panorama’s line-up is stacked, and a snack-sized review of Project Hail Mary. We are noshing on cultural bites, here in Art Snack!
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 20, 2026 at 1:33 PM
• Today in “well, that sounds sketchy”: The Oregonian is reporting that Amazon purchased more than $100 million in internet services from a small fiber-optic business called Windwave Communication in Morrow County… and the owners just happened to be local public officials who had the power to grant Amazon some big tax breaks as well as property acquisitions for giant data centers in the area. 🤔 HMMMMMM. Last year the Oregon Department of Justice brought charges against eight people with connections to Windwave, saying that these insiders were trying to buy the company for much less than it was worth while trying to hide their business dealings with Amazon. While the Seattle-based company was originally paying Windwave $2.4 million for services in 2016, that number skyrocketed over the years—as Amazon pushed for tax breaks and property—to a whopping $120 million by 2022. Windwave’s ownership includes four public officials from the area, and according to Michele Okoh, a professor at Lewis & Clark Law School, the sketchy situation “raises questions about whether they’re making decisions for the benefit of the community or the benefit of their pocketbooks.” Once again for those in the back: 🤔 HMMMMMM.
• After a recent flurry of music venue closures and openings, we’ve got questions. The first one is… ummm… what’s going on? Why, if Portland is such a music city, is it so difficult for venues to stay open? Hotshot Mercury writer Ryan Prado digs into the issue talking with City Council President Jamie Dunphy and the owners of several Portland music venues.
It’s time for another noggin scratchin’ edition of the best trivia quiz in town, POP QUIZ PDX!
This week: ridiculous Republicans, celebrity statues, and whether or not nude sunbathing and go-kart racing should be allowed in Portland public parks. See how well YOU score! 🧠— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 19, 2026 at 12:54 PM
IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• For what it’s worth (and trust me, it isn’t much), President Trump says the US is postponing a threatened strike on Iran’s power plants after claiming he’s “had talks” with a “respected” Iranian leader. The postponement is expected to last five days, at which point the president will assumedly give the go-ahead for strikes on the country’s energy infrastructure unless Iran agrees to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, a major oil shipping channel. For their part, Iranian officials are claiming that there were no negotiations, and that Trump backed down from his threats after an overwhelming backlash from Americans—including the MAGA faithful—who are losing their minds over skyrocketing fuel prices. Sooooo… believe you want, I suppose!
NEW: More than 11,000. That’s how many US citizen children have a parent who has been detained under Trump, our new data analysis shows. When Doris Flores was separated from her four-month-old who was still breastfeeding, she turned to her pastor for help.
www.propublica.org/article/trum…— Mica Rosenberg (@micarosenberg.bsky.social) March 23, 2026 at 2:49 AM
• Two pilots are dead and several passengers were injured after a fatal crash between an Air Canada Express passenger jet and a firefighting vehicle on the runway at New York’s LaGaurdia airport. The vehicle was apparently given the go-ahead to cross the tarmac to respond to another plane that was reporting a strange odor, when the jet—which was carrying more than 70 passengers—hit the vehicle head on. Roughly 40 passengers and crew members were sent to the hospital, some for serious injuries, as an investigation into the crash continues.
• One of Trump’s top pet peeves, mail-in voting, is coming before the US Supreme Court today. The case involves a Mississippi law which says that, as long as ballots are postmarked by Election Day, mail-in votes can be counted even if they arrive later. The Republican National Committee—heeding the words of their dark lord and master—argue that ballots must be received by Election Day if they are to be counted. If the Supremes agree with the democracy-haters, then that could upend mail-in voting in 13 states (including Oregon) that have such a law. Trump is utterly convinced that overturning this law (AKA voter disenfranchisement) will help his party stay in power, forgetting that the current law actually helped one of his predecessors—George W. Bush—win his hotly contested race for president in 2000.
• In support of shitty colonizers, President Trump has ordered a statue of Christopher Columbus to be placed outside the Eisenhower Executive Office Building which is adjacent to the White House. The statue is an exact replica of the Columbus statue that was toppled and thrown into a harbor in Baltimore, Maryland, during the racial justice protests of 2020. While the administration labels Columbus as “a hero,” history and… you know, facts… remember the explorer as responsible for the exploitation and genocide of native peoples in the Americas.
Cinderella has been kicked out of the dance early for the second straight season.
— The Associated Press (@apnews.com) March 23, 2026 at 8:01 AM
• Former special counsel Robert Mueller—who famously investigated Trump and Russia’s accused meddling in the 2016 presidential election—died over the weekend at the age of 81. Because he is nothing less than disgusting, Trump responded to Mueller’s passing on social media by callously typing with his tiny fingers, “Good, I’m glad he’s dead.” (It should be remembered that Trump had zero patience and called for retribution against those who said similar things after the death of Charlie Kirk.)
• And finally… on this Monday morning, please enjoy this tiny turtle plotting its world domination.
@turtlesurvival Our turtles are evil laughing their way into spring 😈🌷 Since the weather is warming up, we’re starting to see more turtles coming out of their leaf burrows to bask in the sun. And soon, many species will be fully out of brumation, enjoying the warm weather and causing mischief at the Center. To learn more about our Turtle Survival Center in Cross, SC—and the 25+ turtle species we care for—visit our website, linked in the bio! 🐢 Indochinese Box Turtle (Cuora galbinifrons) IUCN Red List Status: Critically Endangered 🎥: Cris Hagen #TurtleConservation #EvilLaugh #BoxTurtle ♬ original sound – Turtle Survival Alliance
