Thanks to blog tipster A Seventy for sending in the news that Beaverton is in the midst of a rebranding process that involves the release of a new slogan.
What is the catchphrase of rebranded Beaverton? Shoot!
That’s what I’ve always thought of Beaverton! The best of everything in Oregon! According to the consultants, “the blue color of the city’s name represents responsibility.”
Right. We can do better. Leave your own Beaverton slogan in the comments and I’ll put together a blog poll of the best of ’em.
Beaverton: We Have Chain Stores
Beaverton: Less white than you’d think.
Beaverton: At Least It’s Not Hillsboro!
Beaverton: Making 10 year old boys laugh since 1893.
Beaverton: Generic, and proud of it!
I live there, so let me take a stab.
Beaverton: Gates close at 11!
Beaverton: 10011101001100011!
Beaverton: We just added lanes to Hwy 26!
Beaverton: Better schools than Portland!
Beaverton: Food cart schmood cart!
Beaverton: Ensuring Democratic victories since 2010!
Beaverton: Where Your Dreams of Being An Artist Go To Die
Beaverton: We’re elbow deep in Beavers.
Beaverton: Our intersections can fit football fields.
Beaverton: the cul-de-sac capital of Oregon!
Beaverton: Tons of Beavers!
Beaverton: Don’t think of it as a sea of strip malls, rather a sea of minimum wage jobs.
Beaverton, yes we do mean vagina.
Beaverton: SO MANY TARGETS AND OLD NAVYS !!!111!
Beaverton: not as white as Portland, and not as smug, either.
or
Beaverton: where the taco carts aren’t run by white hipsters trying to cash in on the latest foodie fad
Okay, those both suck.
How about:
Beaverton: go ahead and laugh, pussy, your 800 sq. foot condo cost more than my house and would fit in my garage.
Yeah, that sucks too. I give up.
Beaverton: THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST of you… I mean, Oregon.
Almost Bieberton.
Beaverton: Designed By Committee
Beaverton: OUR COPS FUCKING HATE YOU!
Gaah! #4 beat me to it.
can’t miss a chance to make fun of hillsboro.
Beaverton: Reminding Portlanders that life could be much worse since 1893.
Beaverton: In Times of Crisis, Can Transform into Beaver-tron.
1. No slogan, just an upturned beaver butt and tail expelling those lines to the left of “Beaverton.”
2. “At Least We’re Not Hillsboro”
3. “Born from Beavers”
4. “Just 20 Minutes of Hellish Traffic West of a Better Place”
5. “Because You Have Kids Now”
6. “The Tenth or Eleventh Best of Oregon, If We’re Being Honest About It.”
7. “No Longer Slyly Referring to Ourselves as SW Portland”
8. “We Have Burgervilles, Too, Why Won’t the New York Times Write Up Our Vibrant Food Scene?”
9. “Life’s a Little Cheaper Here”
10. “Still Far, Far From Tualatin.”
Sorry just noticed my 3 ripped off mrbowers. Apologies!
Beaverton: No you can’t.
Beaverton: One chain sushi place away from the whole set!
grr typo, it’s my #2 that I shouldn’t have dropped on you.
Beaverton: Pedigree white people with DUI’s
Beaverton: More beavers that Cougarton.
Beaverton: Plate or Party Platter?
Beaverton: Uwajimaya.
Beaverton: our cops may hate you, but at least they won’t kill you.
big ups to CC for “because you have kids now”
Beaverton: It’s ‘on!
Beaverton: A Suburb of Portland
Beaverton: We also go by Beavatron, which sounds cooler.
Beaverton: Because you gave up
Beaverton 2: Electric Boogaloo
Beaverton: Where the FUCK am I?
Beaverton: number number number number number SW number number number Street.
The Other Gresham
Beaverton: Sterile, Safe, and Corporate
VAGINA! (Get it? Apparently several of you already did.)
Beaverton: Where God Once Emptied His Bowels.
Beaverton: where cab’s bring downtown duchebags after they leave Aura
Beaverton: Only a block away from Nike Global Headquarters
Beaverton: Me and Joneser Had The Same Idea!
Beaverton: Nobody told us
Beaverton: Exactly like living in a coma.
Beaverton:
*So close, but yet so far*
*short for beaver town!*
*Damn you craigslist apartment listings, I thought I was moving to Portland*
*sounds erotic to deranged men*
*not enough wax in god’s ear to tame this wild beast*
*well groomed*
Only 10 minutes to downtown Portland!
Beaverton = Portland – bikes + chain stores
Beaverton: We don’t sound like a place in Hawaii.
11. “The Blue Color of the City’s Name Represents Responsibility”
12. “Portland’s Goiter”
13. “We’re Gonna Win You Over! Ha, Not Really.”
14. “God Help You If You Tell Our Children You’re Gay”
15. “Proud Sister City of Birobidzhan!”
16. “We’ll Do Those Things You Like That Other Cities Won’t Do”
17. “Probably The Best Place On Earth In An Alternate Universe”
18. “A Chicken In Every Pot, and Fourteen Cars In Every Garage”
19. “We Have the Gigantism Problem Under Control Mostly”
20. “America’s Windy, Breezy Big Easy Apple By The Bay of Big Shoulders & Brotherly Love”
Beaverton: Home of children and their unhappy parents who are ripped on vicodin and oxycontin!
Beaverton: who wouldn’t to be another dick jammed in here?
(omg two levels!!!!)
21. “KEEP BEAVERTON BLAND”
OK, I’m done. Please mail my Yakov Smirnoff Memorial One Topic Riffsplosion Award to 4755 SW Griffith Drive.
Beaverton- You can still tell out of town family and friends that you live in Portland.
Beaverton: Same Deserate Portland Posturing with a Little Cologne and Makeup
Beaverton: We’re not in Kansas anymore. Honest.
Beaverton: Not even interesting enough for an ironic Mercury “Best of” edition.
Beaverton: The kind of place that needs a rebranding process.
Beaverton: Remember breast implants?
Beaverton: At least there’s the H-Mart, or is that Tualatin.
Beaverton: The time is now, the place is Chevy’s Fresh Mex.
Beaverton: Fuck this shit
Beaverton: It feels just like you’re back home in California.
Beaverton: The best some people can do.
Bieberton, Oregon: “I thought you’d always be mine, mine.”
Beaverton: Metro leadership with suburban flair!