OMG GIANT PENGUINS ARE REAL!!!!!!! It's totally true, I swear to god. Look! The BBC wrote about it:
The fossil of a giant penguin that lived 36 million years ago has been discovered in Peru... The bird, named Inkayacu paracasensis, or Water King, waddled the Earth during the late Eocene period.
Okay, so there aren't any Giant Penguins still around today. They're all extinct. But still, GIANT PENGUINS!!!! AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!1!!
The fossil was found in Reserva Nacional de Paracas in Peru. The scientists nicknamed the penguin "Pedro" - after a scaly character in a Colombian TV series.
Okay, okay. So they named him Pedro. Shut up. Still scary.
It was about 1.5m (5ft) tall and nearly twice as heavy as an Emperor Penguin, the largest living species.
Five fee...? Wha? COME ON. That's not "Giant." That's not even "Tall."

Actual GIANT PENGUINS are at least 20 feet tall and spit poisoned razorblades, and their talons can shred a man without even touching him. That's right: Telepathic talons. So you can keep your "Pedro" and your "fossils" and shove it. Me? I'm keeping my eye out for REAL GIANT PENGUINS.

Stupid BBC News.

  • Fuckin' a right that's what a real giant penguin looks like.