I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

Haven't you heard this too?





Of All The Things People Missed

Mudhoney's "Don't Fade Away" is the fucking closest thing to Jimi since Jimi.

This is not a test. You are failing.

It's time to grow up.

I know things are scary right now. I know a lot of you will do anything to cling to whatever sense of security you can during these times. But its time wake up and realize what it is you are maintaining and empowering at the expense of others.

I realize that some of you are effectively professional liars and storytellers but isn't rule #1 "don't get high on your own supply." There are limitations to how far you can bend the truth. There are limitations on how much you can manipulate objective reality. And once people get a whiff of your bullshit, they have harder time swallowing it than they did in years past. You can still say whatever you want to say "no one will noticed this", "i can't believe its not butter", "everything is fine", "this guilt won't eat my soul away", "i didn't do anything wrong", "why shouldn't i keep it" or other corrupting mantras. But what you don't notice is that people can tell when you don't believe it. Some noticed the shift that happened from using your energy to convince and convert others to your more recent exhaustion from doing your best to convince yourself "it's all going to be okay." The more you have to lie yourself and expend energy to maintain that self-deception, the less energy you have to maintain your deceptions of others. The additional challenge is that others are also exhausted from years of pandemic life and less indulgent of your ego massaging at the expense of others.

If you want to feel better stop lying and start doing the work.

Are you children who need to be distracted from reality? Or are you adults who can make things happen on behalf of yourself and others?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

My heart goes out to Eugene and its artistic community. Please extend our deepest sympathies to everyone impacted by the tragedy and let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

That's all you had to say on the subject. But some of you chose to use the event as an opportunity to further your grievances and score some social media points.

It's obvious you can identity when people are experiencing pain. You know all the right words to say when you are in front of a crowd. But maybe you've gotten to comfortable, too lazy, or are just losing your touch, but recently it's becoming more and more evident that the mask is slipping.

Eugene experienced an all too imaginable tragedy. Some of us reached out to the community to offer our help. Some of us cried at another example of senseless violence against innocents. Some of us recognized that this is a time to be thoughtful and considerate with our words and actions given the seriousness of the event.

And some of you, used this as an opportunity to bolster your own ego and fractious grievances with the media. Listen, if you want to add media critic to the rest of your fake credentials, you do whatever makes you happy. But manipulating the context tragic events you have little knowledge of to suit your narrative is as disgusting as it is revealing.

In the future, please recognize its customary to offer words of condolences and support before capitalizing on death and tragedy for political points.

Hard to Say Goodbye

My therapist ended with me...in the middle of a pandemic. She felt like I needed more than she could offer but my attachment style is like "she was all I needed." OK so maybe I see her point. But we are also in a pandemic, please don't leave me...oh wait maybe that's my attachment issues speaking again. But it still fucking sucks. It's embarrassing to admit how much I am greving the relationship...do therapists get how much they mean to us!? Please don't for her about me... and my attachment shit.

Ironically after avoiding covid for a whole year while working in an ICU, I get covid from work the week after we end. There has to be some deeper symbolism there, right? If only I had a therapist who could break it down for me.

- a devastated client

Stupid with a Gun

Right-wing males claim to be "real" men, yet they're the most timid, most triggered, and most scared people in our entire country. One moment, left-wingers are "soi-boy" snowflakes who drive Volvos and drink lattes, and the next they're violent extremists-marxists-communists-fascists... whatever their right-wing masters tell them at any given moment.

And like good little sheep, they'll happily swallow what their masters feed them (like SF born, wealthy family raised, Rhode Island prep school alum Tucker Carlson), and mindlessly regurgitate it until they feed them another lie. And being the obedient sheep that they are, they'll simply say, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?" because they want the lies and they want the fear as it justifies their pathetic world view. It validates all the poor decisions they've made throughout their entire life and places the blame on someone else... liberals, immigrants, people of color... LGBTQ people... anybody but themselves must be to blame for their sorry lot in life. The really sad and scary thing about all of this is... they actually have the right to vote.

Let's also be very clear: These timid, triggered and fearful "men" are also extremely dangerous, since part of what makes them feel like "real" men is having an arsenal of weaponry.

Like I've always said: Stupid with a gun is a dangerous thing.

Earth to Portland

It was great to learn that the government may at least be putting on a better show of doing their job when it comes to the terrorist activity of internationally organized gangs like the proud boys.

What shocked me was Portland's reaction on twitter and social media. After years of calling out the patriot prayer and proud boys' violence and fascist behavior, what makes these people suddenly change their tune, start advocating in defense of their behaviors, and excusing participation in violent organized crime?

It's a curious and bewildering reversal.

End Unfair Immunity

I don't care how many "nice" or "community benefitting" things a corrupt cop does. We need to stop giving the police a pass just because there are some in our community who think they've contributed some good. I disagree with that stance. It shouldn't matter who you are, or what you've done in the past, or whether or not you are an elected official, or how many kittens you've saved, or how many old lady's you've had cross the street, if you committed a crime you shouldn't be able to circumvent due process just because you have friends and supporters in the right places.

Who the fuck YOU THINK YOU ARE?

You weren't wanted here to begin with. You've had sticky fingers since
I've known you. You were not allowed on my block. I go outta town and you
are fucking my roommate. Since then you have managed to stay around
by fucking another roomate. You went to prison, for boosting I told your fuck buddy
you weren't welcome here, he didn't listen. I catch you spooning on my sofa with your
boyfriends bestie, what a fiasco that was. I found my rain gear in your laundry. You finally left. All of a sudden you are back, no where to live, hook back up with roomie.
He almost went to prison because of that fiasco for domestic. He's an idiot to let you back.
You stole my high end watch and give it away, because you thought it belonged to
someone else. I guess I have to tell your family you are still on dope, and boosting.
Your Mom went across the pond, and her house was broken into.....

this is a promise with a catch

"And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Dear Dr. King,

Thank you. Thank you for your divine service bequeathing us a shared history to be proud of. No matter what they say of Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Washington or any of those tiny men with powdered wigs; we know who the founder of our shared future is.

You made us what we will become. You interpreted our shared dreams. You taught us how to believe when we were tired of believing. The faith you placed in us still powers revolutions around the globe and beyond.

You taught us what it means to be loved, not just by our fellow man, but to be loved by God. And while we may still quibble on the definition of that small word or its big idea, we together are beginning to understand that whether we are theistic or atheistic or pantheistic, agnostic or ignostic, Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu or Animist or Spiritualists, whether we choose teachers from the New Age or the Old Testament, whether we find confidence and comfort from Norse legends, English nursery rhymes, Hopi myths, or other stories shared in honor of human potential.

No matter the culture we are assigned to as a diplomat from birth, we each are here for the same simple purpose described by one writer as this

"to be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe."

We thank that Creator for the blessings of time on Earth and providing America with the compass of our one true King.

May the hands of God and Man bless our humble work in service of your dream.


I’m so confused

I’m tired of everyone telling me what I can or can’t be. I am an adult. I have done very well for myself and my family. In fact, I’d say I’m probably smarter than a lot of you out there. But I don’t understand why no one wants to recognize this or why they treat me like I am a child. It’s so disrespectful.

My boss basically hired me for my comms skills, because I’m an excellent strategist. And now he keeps trying to micromanage my own Twitter account. Number one, back off old dude, you are out of your elements. and number two, my personal Twitter account is my personally, you do not get to boss me around in my personal life, I am your employee not your slave.

This guy doesn’t realize that once the pandemic ends we are all leaving his stupid ass anyway. He was born rich (or at least well off) and never really had to work or hustle for anything. He keeps ignoring my advice that he’s paying for and then trying to control me. I am like, no, that’s not what you are paying me for. And that’s a terrible way to start a negotiation about new terms.

It’s way past time for people to be showing me the respect I really deserve. Words are nice, but I’d you knew what I could really do, you’d be treating me with a lot more respect.

I’m tired of being ignored. I think it’s time I tell them the truth.

Thanks for posting this, I just needed to see my rant somewhere in the world. Cheers.

The Supreme Court of Hypocrisy

January 13th, 2022: "The U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday blocked President Joe Biden's COVID-19 vaccination-or-testing mandate for large businesses."

Covid rules at the Supreme Court:

2021: "COVID testing. Arguing counsel and co-counsel planning to attend argument are asked to take a PCR COVID test on the morning before argument."

"COVID precautions. The Court asks that attorneys wear masks that cover the nose and mouth at all times within the Court building, except when actively eating or drinking."

2022: "BUILDING CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC. Out of concern for the health and safety of the public and Supreme Court employees, the Supreme Court Building will be closed to the public until further notice. The Building will remain open for official business."

You and I have memories

I felt another wave of relief. Things are still hard, but they seem to be getting easier. I acknowledge that after all the trauma we've experienced together it will never happen quick enough. I can acknowledge that there are also things we can do to project more confidence and pick up the pace.

Healing is a process and not an event. It's a painful process. I broke my leg a few years back, and I remember trying to move my foot to double check what happened. I had just broken my leg, I felt some pain, but it wasn't until I tried to move it did I feel a crashing wave over my body and scream out for help. Help did come. I was able to get my leg in a cast, and eventually surgery. And it was the recovery that was painful. The day I broke my leg, my body responded to dull the pain, but after that automatic response dulled through out my recovery. I was prescribed pills to help me through the pain. It never seemed enough. It was a tricky balance to decide how much pain you yourself can tolerate each day. I couldn't imagine making that decision for someone else.

Eventually, after pushing myself through the pain, through the physical therapy, readjusting to the lack of pain pills, I made it through. In no small part thanks to my doctors, and family, and friends who helped me through it. Who checked in on us. Who made us meals. Who made the pain a little more tolerable and reminded me of the progress I was making.

My leg will never be the same. I joke the metal in it makes me part machine.

And now I can tell when a good storm is coming.

Dear Senator Sinema

Senator Sinema:
Wow! What a day you had yesterday! What an impact on the country! In one day you embarrassed the President, stabbed your party in the back (while making the Republicans very happy), sold out minorities and others who will lose their right to vote and gave start to the end of this democratic experiment.
In your speech (which deviously preempted anything the President was going to say) you talked in contrived emotional tones about the filibuster as if it were a dear friend, as if it were a safety valve for our nation, as if it were a treasured legacy from the Founding Fathers when it is a relatively recent bureaucratic relic from the Jim Crow era, as if it's some tool of civility or compromise when the Republicans are actively exploiting it to block legislation that would protect our preeminent and foundational right – the right to vote.
You appear to be a self-serving, self-absorbed and aloof, grandstanding pretender with no sense of history, no sense of the weight and gravity of the moment, no sense or consideration of the impact of your actions on the lives of others. With your performance you have almost assured that this country is well on its way to hell in one of your designer handbags.
Yes, that was quite a day, the consequences of which will play out for generations.

I might go to bed now I've got work in the morning

And now here he was sitting on the couch in my apartment meters from my bedroom. I saw him walking down the street blocks away from me, I was tempted to wave but couldn't muster the courage. And then he flagged me down. I'm thankful the distance hid my blushing. I don't know exactly how it happened. It all seems a blur. We grabbed a coffee nearby; I'm having trouble remembering what we discussed. I remember needing to grab something in my apartment nearby and inviting him in. I watched him take off his coat. He asked for some tea and then sat down on the couch. Without hesitating I said, "Brilliant!" in the worst British accent that ever left my mouth and started making the tea; I didn't ask what kind he wanted. I made small talk while the water heated up. I was incredibly frustrated to find myself anxiously waiting for the water to steam. It was a chai tea I added honey and vanilla soymilk to. I placed the cups on a plate to bring them over to the couch. He complimented the lay out of my apartment. THE PAINTING! That's what we were talking about. It was strange, I wanted desperately to grab my pen and notebook and hide behind them. I felt exposed. I felt revealed. I already felt naked. He asked me my thoughts on the painting. I told him it was only a print, but I had seen it before hanging in a museum. I told him about how the interplay between the blues and the reds just spoke to me. He asked me my thoughts on the brush strokes. I moved my hand to push my hair behind my ear. My clumsy hand somehow hit his cup.

I spilled the tea.