Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

The Thing

You know that Trumpy scheme where Republican controlled state legislatures could constitutionally send loyal electors to override the popular votes in their states and vote for Trump? What blows me away is that there is an assumption that there is that kind of congressperson willing to "vote in" a fascist dictator. I mean, who thought this up? This idea came from an "other" that reads our constitution in a different light and then assumed he had soldiers in our state legislative bodies. I'm assuming that we have been invaded. Probably for a while now. I think they came in from Alaska, that's my guess.


people who have never had children or raised children, should never have weight in any discussion regarding parenting.

While we all were children at one point, and some of us were not raised well by our own parents, or even raised at all, we have zero say in how to parent or what parents think if we have not had children ourselves.

I'll clarify though, everyone does have and should have input in how to protect our communities children, but when it comes to things like complaining about families going to restaurants, outdoor recreational places, schools, movie theaters etc, you have no weight kn any discussions on these if you have not actually had a child.

Id say its kind of the same thing about how men have no say in what a woman chooses to do with her body because well, hes not a woman right?
Well, if you aren't a parent, your opinion is irrevelevent.

Also, quit referring to children as "offspring." That dehumanizes them into a subhuman reference, and I hate to break it to all the haters on us breeders, but uh, our children actually matter in this world.

News flash too, you can have children without increasing carbon emissions! Don't hurt your brain trying to look into it.

Trump is a killer

I believe Donald Trump intentionally downplayed Covid in order to thin the herd. Anyone who continues to support Trump after hearing the tapes is morally defective. And there's a lot of people still supporting him and willfully spreading dangerous misinformation. With that in mind, I am very scared living in America.


I have to help load customer's cars with their groceries. Customers who are perfectly able bodied in many cases. It can be a lot of really heavy stuff and also often times a lot of heavy stuff with lighter stuff that fills up vans, truck beds, and SUVS.
All part of the job and that's cool and fine. I don't need a gym membership. I get paid to work out.
Here's what bothers us:
When you park far away, and we have to push all this heavy stuff on the rough terrain, bumpy concrete.
When your vehicle is a mess. Please take care of that shit beforehand.
We cannot and will not get in your vehicle.
When you want things packed a certain way, and start ordering us to pack it your way with how you see it in your mind, but we already have a plan and do not have a glimpse into your mind. So do it yourself then, please.
When you move stuff we just loaded into your car because again, you want it a certain way. Again, do it yourself because you are not helping and making it all complicated.
I have succeeded at this 100% of the time. I know how to load a car efficiently. It's visioning space and object. Like chess, seeing a few moves in advance.
Lastly, 99% of the time, after all of that physical work, we walk away without your generosity, but baristas will cry over not receiving tips.

The ultimate union busting

For 40 years the GOP has been attacking organized labor quite successfully. The GOP has and continues to use gerrymandering to keep control of our Federal Government, enacting policies that the majority of the American population finds unacceptable.

What can we do? I say surrender. It's time to dissolve our association with the Union of states that comprise the federal government. The GOP wants to deny our most populous city of federal dollars that we pay into a system rigged for red states. It's time to stop this madness.

There is no compromise in DC, it is "all" or "all by whatever means necessary" for the GOP and the hell with the blue states..

Im Gonna RIP that Shit off your face

I would love to tear off every chin strap coming into my grocery warehouse that supplies food solely to restaurants and food carts. I've had two customers, could be the same guy, call me afraid, scared, and liberal for asking nicely to wear their masks. I watched another coworker say that to some asswipe carrying mask in his hand, when asked to wear it, he said it was broken. But my coworker prevailed and said you still need to wear it. Broken is a new excuse from can't breathe, look funny, don't believe in them, my rights. For some reason too, for me, they have no problem mouthing off when they don't to any of my coworkers. I cannot comprehend the chin guard. For fucks sake, this is why I wanna tear it off your stupid, ugly face. You won, you got into shop, so you take it off, then probably mask up again on your way out, probably do not too. Here'a the thing fuckface. You look stupid no matter your motive. Just so you don't have to attempt to put one on, don't come in for the shit you need for your restaurant, period, exclamation.. Also, you work in a restaurant or food truck. Are you maskless in there you princess pussy, baby dick adult? I asked what's your restaurant to which you became nice because my coworker was there. You were too chicken ass scared to say where. I hope you're out of business soon. I don't care your political stance, religious belief, science, moral ethics or rights. I started coughing at people I walk by with my mask on. No worries, buddies, my mask is on when I cough. I'm just gonna start coughing uncovered all day. It's just weed.

The Futures So Bright

There is and will be a continued debate with education. It will be the newest war on how it's conducted. In person versus virtual? Theres pros and cons to either view. There is for two sides to everything. But I'll say this, now that the door is open for online learning, wait and see how many parents and teachers will opt for it to be a type of class that will be normal and a program being offered where you can select between online or a real class. Millions of adults already spend a bunch of their free time online with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc, it can't be denied.

Mark my words.

Role Models

When did death threats become such casual fair? Starting to wonder how it effects the youth when they see irate adult people acting so aggressively without a single repercussion. Threatening murder is just an expression, kids, with zero effects on anyone and a whole lot of you feeling ultra macho and accomplished after bullying the fuck out of someone, especially if they are largely innocent(???) Human decency and empathy are for (enter politicized scapegoat). Feel life going outta control? Definitely don't look at the system or culture or billionaires, just pick on an easy target to get your rocks off. The worst of humanity on neon display...maybe I'm being too sensitive, because threatening murder is just low level terrorism. Just people expressing their heartfelt feelings against the *actual bullies, right?


Person who works in office but not same company, to client: You don't have to wear a mask. Do you mind if I don't wear one? (client gleefully assents)

BUT I MIND and I have to work in the same GD air as you every single day. Plus, laws and all that.

I'm ranting here, because I have no recourse at this point, having tried all available avenues. I'm also whining; I have a job and my own office, and am lucky in many respects. The Golden Rule has whizzed off into the ether like a deflating balloon. Spew unto others as you would have them spew unto you.

Troubled Mind, Must be the Blues

strange mind these days. It's not despair. I won't compare depression because, ah I won't go there, but certainly hopelessness. on the other spectrum, there's moments of happiness, but it's not excitement or elation. it is what i can only say as like a blank stare. I find myself up at 1 am, having slept maybe an hour or two with work in 5 hours, after also not sleeping last night. this distracted mind goes to the computer. I detest social media, or internet surfing, or news. but i found myself watching some Youtube. I saw a highlight of MLB. what? There are virtual fans in the home run stands? That is not only creepy but mind altering. Like seriously, am I on drugs?
Then i saw late night with either Jimmy which started up last night apparently. They have staffers as fans, but with masks on, but the hosts need not it, I guess for the message "we are normal", but still taking the virus very seriously, but how seriously can you take it without mask? I saw them do a social distanced hug because what? a real hug is the wrong message? But you aren't wearing masks anyway? And now 6ft is in question all together? I've wondered watching live music when some of the band is wearing a mask, and one is not? I'm confused, puzzled at what's happening now. it's a bombardment of contradictions.
I know for sure, all these entertainers are nothing without a live audience. kind of again, contradicting that art is personal and if you can't do it for yourself, you can't do it for anybody else, but I contradict myself with the statement art must be shared.
I feel bad for athletes, how can they get pumped up in a silent stadium?

Cash Only

I'm sick of cheapass fucking scheming fucking losers trying to board bus with cash.
Come the fuck on.
You don't know?
You really don't know?
Look at the position you are putting the driver in.
Like what the fuck can they do?
Not let you on, and then feel bad.
Don't be a selfish fucking loser fuck face putting a civil servant in that position.
Be an adult and fucking pay.
Or walk.

What Fire?

Back to normal, everyone.
New normal or whatever the fuck we are calling it these days.
Or resume as you were the rest of you, which was not caring to begin with.
I don't understand.
I no longer see social distancing wherever I go, at least a few times a day, especially within groups, at work, or walking, or travelling, or like today at the mall. But said groups, some will have masks, some will be eating, sipping drinks, smoking. Families too, walking joyfully down the streets in groups of five with no masks.
How does anyone know what is going on with the other?
All caution has been tossed into the toilet.
It's really seeming as if this whole thing is a hoax, and Americans are proving it, not necessarily by disregard or rebellion, except for those that have been living that way from the start, but plainly from moving forward like something like nine eleven just goes away with time.
Or maybe it's that I'm a loner and have no friends.

The Feelings

I thought I could catch a quick rinser before the kettle blew, so I was barely awake. I went downstairs to use the shower so I wouldn't wake up everyone else. The pre-dawn had that familiar edge of optimism. But as I turned the corner and flipped on the bathroom light something came over me, like a heavy cloak. It was fight or flight. My ears were ringing, 110% awake. I reached out with both hands, one to fight with and one to wrestle the bath towel off the rack, give it the death rattle, and toss it hard into the shower. Low and behold, a Big Brown the size of a silver dollar crawled out, unharmed and unfazed, from under the heap and jumped straight at me. I screamed . I ran. I chased. It got away. The kettle was going off. The children were crying. "They could sense my fear. I couldn't tell them the real truth. How did I know she was in there? I don't know.

We Don't Need No Thought Control

I doubt it is ever parents or kids saying schools should stay closed forever...like how long does this shit go on, and those of us who suffer literally no consequences from school closures yell at desperate parents because well, WELL beCAuSe. There's a point where we have to look and think, and sometimes we look and think about the consequence of throwing an entire generation under the bus...oh wait, I mean ANOTHER entire generation under the underside of an already crowded bus underside. I wonder, is it bitterness of underbus group #1 that asks other groups to suffer too because company is nice, or is it the original group who threw us under here that said "tough luck". Leave them kids alone!

Women's Rights!

I said it. That's my rant.

P.S. I hope Ruth can RIP but these times are troubled.