Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

Out on my bicycle today

Post vaccine clarity here, for those who are uninitiated, WOW, all the feels. Over the last few days, can't help but reflect on some of my anger and behavior over the last year. I didn't know where to say this so here is it. I'm sorry. I am sorry, random skateboarder, for yelling at you to fix your mask, or to the lady who walks her dog near my house, or my neighbor who had their family and friends with them and made me ancy. I realize now, that with all of the mortality being forced in our faces, I reacted in ways that were in retrospect, a bit deplorable. I really treated some people like shit, and even acted a little violent. My fears made me a tyrant beyond "reasonable responsible citizen", and post-vax clarity has made me realize just how polarized I was acting. This isn't easy for any of us, and so much has been, and still feels, pretty unclear. But what is clear, is that I want to be kinder, more tolerant, and more understanding, of people and their choices, as my "new year" resolution. Thank you, Portland!


DEAR ENSIGN RO SHAM BO

Here we are again.

I can't say there weren't better offers along the way, but none of them seemed as right as you.

I'd never thought we'd get this far Portland, but we're doing it, we are almost through the pandemic and getting even closer to everyone being inoculated with the vaccine.

I'm starting to remember what hope is. I'm starting to remember all kinds of things, but mostly how weird and majestic this big town called Portland really is.

There are still a few, well quite a few, oddities and conundrums in this mad mad mad world, but I guess the sense that wheels are starting to move again and we are at least heading in the right direction.

I recognize that this space was mostly for rants and stuff, but I want to hold on to this feeling of contentment for a bit.

Way to go on making it this far Portland!

Do your best to keep it as real as you can


The Same Bus Ranter, Part Two

Your buddy saw you and started chatted while standing instead of sitting in the seat next to you. Okay, explain dummy, you're freaked out over a cough. You and your dumb friend are too dumb to realize that he doesn't need to stand to talk to you. He is above you, where all his mist is falling right in your head, trust me through the mask. Clearly you don't care about social distance or you would've sat in the seat other than the one in front of me. Or does that intrude your personal space for your friend to sit next to you? That's not it either. You dummies just didn't want to sit next to each other but you sure were blabbing up a storm. And you're freaked out over a cough? You wanna control who coughs on a bus. You wanna control where you sit on a public bus. You wanna dictate how the ride goes for you on a public bus, all to which from the start when I said why are you sitting in front of me, you responded because it's a bus.
Thats right moron, it's a bus, a public bus. You don't get to make your rules of where you sit, who gets to cough, and if your friend can sit next to you. Which believe me was not an issue of your friend sitting too close to you. It was an issue of you sitting in the wrong seat, then you two dummies, too dumb to realize that yes, people can sit next to each other and they usually do when they know each other. It doesn't mean one row, one person which why would rules matter to you anyway when you already sat in the do not sit seat dummy.


Not The Same Bus Ranter

You sat in the "Do not Sit" seat in front of me. Crowded bus. Social anxiety for me has worsened due to Rona. Rona aside, I never care for crowds, always frustrated with packed buses, always like personal space.
I understand you're too dumb to understand a do not sit sign. I don't understand your disregard for rules but then again I do understand because now that Rona is no longer an issue and we're back to public shootings, you get to act out your capacity for being a part of the city of Morons. So you started scratching your back and your gross pimples right in front of me where you aren't supposed to sit. I coughed.
You turned and boy did you make a crying fuss about how rude that is, how it's a bus, how it's a public space, you can sit where you want. I jumped in why are you sitting in front of me. Again, you are too dumb to realize what seat you're in. I said go catch a cab if you want private space. Let's face it, the Rona idea has also got you freaked out over coughs. Give me a break. More, if you're really concerned about Rona, and it's not that either, your senses are just heightened because of it, and any cough puts you in hysteria, your dumb dumbass wouldn't have sat in front of me in the do not sit seat. Common sense too much for you?


les incompétents

I’m fucking IRATE!

What the fuck were you fucking thinking?!

How could you have been so careless?

I thought you were smart! I supported you! I vouched for you!

Now I hear that you put our entire uprising in jeopardy by working with shady cops?!

You’ve seriously set us back years with your stupid fucking corrupt behavior.

We’ll push through, we’ll find a way to clean up the fucking mess you left us with. But come the fuck on, what were you thinking?

Do you realize all the projects you’ve compromised with this amateur bullshit?

We are against cops because they are fascist! How many times have you shouted that yourself!?!
Why would you fucking trust them with anything?

You stupid fuck. You got played BIG TIME and now your are going to leave us holding the bag.

Fuck you! You fucking traitors!

May Karma greet your days.


Police Accountability

Body Cameras.


BottleDrop bags. Good idea, but poorly executed

So corporate lobbyists for the grocery industry did their magic and lowered the limit stores have to accept to 24 if they provide a drop box. The law says "a dealer redemption center must be available for persons to return beverage containers to the dealer redemption center during any time that a participating dealer is open between the hours of 8 a.m. and 8 p.m." but guess what? About 3 out of 4 times, I go to Fred Meyer on Hawthorne or Glisan/60th, it's so freaking full that I have to go back another time or go to a different spot. I know a whole lot of people have been frustrated with it but this isn't getting better. Things have been hard during the pandemics and this just isn't right.


Sweden

...IS BANNING MASKS AND DID NOT LOCK DOWN???? I MEAN WHAT?!
I guess those tall mountains make them look down on things the rest of us do???
Did Greta Thunberg yell "how dare you?" at COVID so it's all good?!
Trump was one thing. BUT THIS. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE


Stop in the proper place

Hey! Dumbass driver. You know when you come up to a stop sign or traffic light and you have to stop? Well, there are these things in your lane you have to stop behind. Sometimes it's an 8" white bar. Sometimes its a large white 'X'. Sometimes it's a green box. In all cases you are to stop BEHIND them. Not on them. Not in front of them. Stop getting all bent out of shape if you find yourself having to back up, or otherwise move out of the way, because a bus or large truck needs to turn and take up the space you are not supposed to be occupying. Those pavement markings are there for a very good reason and that reason is not for you to be so fucking ignorant of.


Stop the ecocide. Stop borrowing from tomorrow.

anti-capitalist shampoo

1/4 cup Bronner's liquid castile soap
1/4 cup canned light coconut milk
1 teaspoon olive oil
1 teaspoon baking soda
some essential oil, if you fancy

Add all ingredients in a container, lid it and shake it 'till it gets foamy, keep in fridge, lasts two weeks. Shake before using.

If experiencing build-up or waxiness, make an after-shampoo rinse with apple cider vinegar or white vinegar and water, about 3 tablespoons vinegar to a cup of water.

Stop cutting down trees and stop buying useless garbage. fuck capitalism and love your neighbors. protect what ecosystems we have left. stay on the trail and leave no trace. Our home is dying.


full fathom five.

What we've seen speaks for itself.

I'm no longer scared of the others, no matter what country or planet they are arriving from.

It's clear we need their help to move things forward and as we have been unable to settle our society issues and differences on our own. Maybe we can look to these aliens to help us.

Humans seem to breed violence and destruction where ever they go, and in turn respond with violence and destruction in an attempt to dissuade further violence and destruction.

It don't always understand humans. Such strange creatures.

Perhaps they learned something about our world and the people in it before they joined us in Portland and would be willing to share pieces of their science and culture with us. God I hope so.

Sure anytime distant cultures come in contact with each other people talk Cortez and the somehow inevitable exploitation and destruction of one culture to make room for the more advanced. Sure humans have more than just a tendency to do that, but it doesn't always have to be like that. We've come into contact with other species and not destroyed them. It might be rare but it happens.

Look at dogs. Dogs are nice. Everyone likes dogs.

I for one welcome our new best friends.


Soccer Rises above Health

Only in an elitist hypocritical hipster town like Portland would the soccer stadium be open while wild draconian virus actions are taking place everywhere else. Do you not see the hypocrisy?! What, did the snooty Pearl District Timbers fans whine loud enough? Idiots! Stop playing games with people's lives and END THE MADNESS!!!


Get a Clue

Your reporters need to crack Roget's Thesaurus and get a clue. Last night wasn't the first "riot" of 2021, it was the first police riot. Leaked emails show that NYPD's terrorist squard was deployed against BLM protestors last year and one of their tactics was planting people among the protestors to create chaos and violence. Do you think the other 18,000 police departments in the U.S. don't use similar tactics, either officiallyi or—like the Hardesty operation—on the down-low? Last night showed provocation by police, threats to shoot peaceful protestors (clue: taunting the cops isn't violence, it's protected speech, particularly when the protest is ABOUT police violence and impunity. Police brutality and impunity is a local issue. Portland must get control of the PPB and ensure that they know who is boss: the people. No more testi-lying, no more pretexts to hassle poc, no more military-style violence against our community, no more sucking at the taxpayer by useless overtime and useless training, no more hiring people with no college degrees, no more harassment of females, no more union activity to double-down on qualified immunity, a law that even judges hate and despise. Do it, Portland, make your voices heard—tell the Mayor you want the police to clean up or get out.


new strategy?

if tax dollars cover the damages of police buildings, or if the damage of buildings make it affordable for outside investment companies to buy damaged properties with pennies from the local owners who can't sell their mom-and-pop-dream-shop (driving prices up, pushing regular folks out), aren't we just shooting ourselves in the foot instead of sticking it to the man? we are making it easier for the white man to fiscally steal out locals from our city and their insurance and our tax literally bails them out, like the reckless teenaged sons they are. just starting to wonder if there are better strategies.

by the way, what happened to the money donated to support Black families and causes? some traitor in the midst buying homes in Beverly Hills. we getting played. maybe we should stick to supporting local communities instead of brand name charities whose donated funds turn into mansions for one. smh.


Thank you Starbucks employees

You guys are seriously the shit. Literally every location I visit is staffed with the NICEST people (okay there is one that's got a little bit of that Portland toxic bullshit goin' on, but it will remain nameless and I just avoid that one anyway). But THE REST of the stores are fucking awesome. Hopefully, I'm a good customer. I try and be nice and not imposing, chat it up when it feels appropriate, and be fast when there's a line behind me. I wish I could be a regular somewhere, but I'm always on the move all over the place. So thanks again for showin' up and doin' it right day after day. This dude right here appreciates it.