Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

Hey Bret Weinstein

Free speech gobbledygook aside, would you please kindly shut the fuck up? Haven't you done enough damage, or is your ego so engorged with horse dewormer to give a care? Oh, and please, ingest copious amounts of ivermectin, and then tell us how you feel. Idgit.

No cause anger

-Me driving back from an overpriced chain grocery store in Portland for wine. I turned down our greenway to our house which is probably a block or less off the greenway. There was a runner on the right side coming towards me, there was a Dad and his Daughter on the left side on bicycles coming towards me. You on your bike in a hurry trying to pass the Dad and his Daughter on their left. Me driving real slow, and navigating carefully trying to create as much room for you all as possible. You obviously trying to take up as much room as possible because I was driving a car and you were angry. Me with my window down, you made a comment as you rode by which I think was this "...should stop diving down here!" Or something to that effect. Me surprised and mumbled; "Fuck you." You didn't hear.
Me glad I didn't say it louder as the Dad and Daughter were very close on their bikes to my car also. You need to pull your head out of your ass you entitled fucky! It's a fucking greenway douche! CARS ARE ALLOWED ON GREENWAYS! This is a route I always take you fuck wad! My home was less than a block away on the green way. Me= everything above starting with "You need to pull your head out of your ass you entitled fucky" and on going I WISHED I COULD OF SAID TO YOU PRIVATELY.

Thank you, JoAnn

Once again, you're asking for a fully funded expansion of a non-cop emergency response system to help heal our streets and make them safer. I hope this time you'll have the support of the other city commissioners — but I'm not sanguine.

You're asking for $1,081,080 to up-fund a program most Portlanders sorely want. But do we have the money, after the city has paid out more than $3 million in settlement costs related to Portland cop abuse and law-breaking?

I hope the "moderate" do-nothings on city council will finally do the right thing, and let the entitled, wealthy business and land owners fend for themselves.

Cannabis Legal In Oregon But Not At...

I've never been a big user of cannabis but after becoming disabled I found it helped with nerves & anxiety as well as increased my appetite and helped me get to sleep at night.

Imagine my surprise upon moving into an assisted living facility here in Oregon and learning that the Federal Controlled Substance Act, passed in 1970, prohibits the possession of cannabis, or any cannibis product, on the premises of any facility which receices federal funds!


Perhaps the 62% of officers who believe in science and received their vaccines as soon as they could as part of their commitment to the safety of all Portlanders should officially strike until Wheeler provides some measure of TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION for his role in obstructing and obfuscating the Police Union “leadership’s” role misusing city resources to smear, libel, slander and otherwise fraudulently attempt to tie Commissioner Hardesty to a crime she had nothing to do with.

At this point his consistently inept inactions provide few options for those attempting to frame these complicated issues in the form of a simple question:

“Was there a quid pro quo?”

City of Urine

I have a small bladder, and it can be really tough sometimes, especially now with COVID precautions. My job has me in a car 40+ hours a week, driving through out the metro area. Pre-Rona there were restaurants and gas stations where I'd stop to pee.

Now though? Nothing's open for bathrooms. Nobody wants you if you just need to pee. The city dropped the red portapotties all over, but those are too disgusting to use. I mean, really bad. Use your imagination then add a multiplier.

Luckily though, the city decriminalized peeing and pooping in public!

So now I just find a quiet are of a parking lot (or parking garage (I'm looking at you Safeway Powell/Chavez!) and pee all over. I'm respectful, I'm not peeing on cars and I don't let people see my dingus, but I know I've been noticed before. Oh well, it's legal!

Portland is the city of urine!

Working on mysteries without any clues

It’s salt and straw for heck’s sake.

You came here for the weird flavors. You researched it ahead of time online. You’ve had your friends recommend what you “have to try.”

We’ve been standing in line forever.

It’s your turn.


Dear City Commissioner MM.

You replaced a firebrand woman activist on city council, and your record so far, at best, is lackluster. My take is that you are a friend of developers and the landed gentry, and you appear not to be a strong advocate if police reform or of women's reproductive rights. You talk a good game, but your actions (inaction, really) speak louder. On closer look, there's no there there.

Help Wanted Writing Help Wanteds: Food Service

Please stop writing Rockstar ice cream scooper. Please stop writing Sandwich Artist. Please stop saying 20 dollars an hour including tips. There is no ice cream scooping rockstar. You can’t afford a rockstar. There is no green room or groupies. You want me to eat all 30 flavors, have sex with your customers in the walk in and vomit into a coworkers purse? I’m guessing no. A sandwich Artist? Are you kidding me. Do you want your sandwich made any way I fucking want to, when I feel like it and maybe not at all? No, that’s not what you want. And 20 dollars, Tips included. No. You don’t pay tips so while go ahead and mention that tips in general at your business are 5 to 7 dollars an hour. Say 13 an hour or 15 an hour, because that’s your contribution. Also, if you write a fucking page and a half about what you want me to be able to do for you, I recommend that you follow up with writing what the pay and benefits are. There is nothing like asking someone to be professional and fast and efficient and run the whole store for you but you’ll determine pay based on experience. Fuck you! I want numbers before I consider you. Lastly, some of you think it’s okay to ask for a resume and not even say the name of your business. Close your doors and go home.

Wednesday, 9:30am

West Burnside and 2nd. You, comfy male cop in your prowler, shooting a snarky comment at a homeless woman crossing in front of you (she had the "walk" sign). Think about your shitty attitude toward Portland's unwashed masses, think about your self-loathing bitterness about your high-paid job, then think about quitting and leaving Portland for good. You suck.

Same as it ever was.

Multco grand jury, comprised of the cream of our citizenry, gave Portland Police Officer Curtis Brown a pass for shooting and killing Michael Ray Townsend last June. Collins keeps his high-paying job on the city's goon squad, and Townsend's loved ones get to mourn without compensation for their loss. Portland has a long, grimey history of police corruption and brutality, with no independent oversight or accountability. Look it up. Nothing has changed. Nothing will change, as long as Lovett and Wheeler and "pro-cop" collaborators continue to capitalize on our fear and cover for a wildly broken community safety system. The money Portlanders pay for dirty cops and their legal settlements, pales in comparison with the human toll and misery. But a glut of pro-forma "advisory committees" and equity window dressing should solve all our problems, right? How did we get to this unholy inferno of deceit and chicanery? How will this play out in the next few coming years?

Safeway Marketing Scheme?

So after endless emails from Safeway containing 'my weekly savings' I finally decided to perform the arduous task of pressing my finger down a fraction of a millimeter on my mouse to click the 'unsubscribe' button. Lo and behold I'm brought to a page that offers the standard boxes to check/uncheck and unsubscribe. The catch? First you have to log into your account in order to 'make changes' to your communication preferences. Only problem? I don't HAVE a Safeway account. Nor do I want one because in order to do so I have to give them my phone number under the following condition: "By choosing text message communications, I agree to receive recurring automated or prerecorded marketing phone calls and text messages from or on behalf of Safeway and its affiliates at the number provided above"

This is bullshit right? Is there something I'm missing here?

Can anyone answer this?

I'm noticing a lot of cars racing around Portland streets, speeding, weaving, blowing red lights — with no license plates and no temps. What's the deal? And where are the police making sure people don't break the traffic laws? Seeing a lot more accidents on surface streets and at intersections. What's going on?

We all need this

It makes me want to buy school supplies.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.

Those are the phrases that continue circling round our consciousness this morning.

I owe you my life.
I owe you the world.
I owe you the stars.

I'm so proud of you. I'm so appreciative of you. I can't express how lucky I feel to know you are reading this and smiling.

Life is clearly one of the strangest things we've experienced yet. It makes me happy to share these delicate little pieces of it with you.

Keep up the great work. Don't let the bastards get you down. Stay groovy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.