Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

Borderline Personality disorder

I have BPD, and also PTSD. The one trait of BPD that I dont have is that I dont currently self harm and I havent since I was a teenager which was about 15 years ago.
But im just noticing there will never be a time where I will ever even come close to neurological. I try alot, but I can never get there. Im always afraid of being abandoned because I was, literally abandoned as a child. I will always be suspicious of peoples intentions because I have literally experienced so many people that I trusted doing things that harmed me.
So, sometimes I do feel like I'm a wast of air and space because being this messed up in the head has no hope of ever getting to normalcy.
I dont know if it matters, but if you can try to fight against stigmas of personality disordered people, it would help those who are like me.


I do not feel a ounce of that it is safe of letting my children go back to public school, with everything going on, I as a parent will not allow my children in public school.

A simple ask

Hey, fellow humans! i know that we are all feeling disconnected & alone, on so many levels. And i know that we try to do the small things that connect us with the world. You need it, i need it.
But please, please, can we take a step back from, say, opening the door for Women?
3 times today, i had dudes stop, open & hold a door for me. And literally stand there & wait for me to walk through.
The first dude was an older, bald guy, driving a truck with american flags. His mask was far below his nose as he held the door.
What am i going to say?
My son, who lives with me, is a heart patient. This virus will kill him.
Of course, none of these people know this. And that is the point.
Please, please, please stay back. Give us space. Let go of what you used to know.
It will probably save a Life.

Breaking News!

Portland grows some balls! Finally the elected representatives of the people are negotiating a police contract that includes what the people want. What's next? OMG, don't tell me the cops will be prohibited from summarily executing those in emotlonal crisis! Don't tell me they won't be able to act like an occupying army! I'm waiting to see if the PCC can hold its own against PPA threats/defiancce/pouting.


why is bill gates buying up so much farmland. should there be a limit to how much a person can own farmland. or maybe, a cap on wealth obtained predominantly through trust and theft. what kind of food is he going to plant. corn, soylent green, more money trees?

Be Nice to the Vet!

Hey, be nice to the people working in the veterinarian's office. We are working extremely hard. Your local clinic is doing the very best we can so suck it up bitches and stop yelling at us for everything. Veterinary professionals lead in suicides by professions, topping dentists. It’s not because of the animals and the death, or even the abuse. It’s the people who treat us like ass. So, you bought a 3000.00 mutt, but you don’t want to pay 150 for an exam and vaccines, and dewormer. We are not in retail we are in medicine. You want to sue because your dog died from the heart failure, we told you about several times, but you declined to treat? Fuck you. We are listening to people complain about wearing masks, not being allowed in the building, the fact that we are booked, the fact that you have to wait, that you have to drop your pet off for x rays. I have had several COVID-19 tests because we keep getting clients call to tell us that they tested positive the day after they brought buddy in and as it turns out you were waiting for the tests results and didn’t bother to let us know you were concerned about being sick. We are short staffed because we have staff either out with COVID-19 or quarantining because they have been exposed. We can only do so much. Just be fucking nice, be patient, be thankful we are even there for you to scream at. Also “designer” dogs without AKC papers are just expensive mutts.

Good Work!

As I've said I hate this job, I don't wanna do this crap, I hate my boss, I don't wanna go to work today. A job is just a job I do for money. Another day in paradise. Living the dream. Humdrum dumbdumb.
If I don't like what I'm doing, I know where the door is. Easier said than done. My goal is to try to make work just a part of who I am no matter I do. A job is a job, most of them are shit. Even in the career of choice, that can become old and painful too. Why take the joy out of doing what I love? Why not make joy out of everything I do?
I've wondered if Presidents, Politicians, Religious Leaders, Doctors, Lawyers, Security Guards, Police Officers, Firefighters, and anyone in more influential and with bigger impact on big life issues ever went to work on any day, and just wanted the paycheck, to cruise on in, and work half ass, like I see many of the rest of you working at some warehouse, office building, or grocery store waiting for the day to be over, and doing the least work you can do, how can we ever count on a good job fulfilled with integrity and pride ever be trusted upon?
I'm sure this happens in these bigger roles too.
Like these door security guards I walk by on the way out at Walmart checking out the newest news on their phone. If you really were doing your job, you would've seen me in front of you paying at the self checkout. Instead of looking at my receipt and somehow verifying that the crap I have at the bottom of my bags are paid for which you cannot see anyway.

Cats' Rights

Check me. I hate birds more than I hate cats. Cats suck but what are you going to do about it? Fuck your bird feeders. My cat, that I barely like, or even know it's current name, is smart. A survivor. Fuck you for shooting at cats in your backyard, that's covered in bird feeders.

Hey, Dumbass

It's real cute how you squander your time. Fighting the fight. Reality: you sit around writing your musings on cars, and buses, and shit in your communistic netherworld and, surprise, you get sent to re-education camp, in your little perfect world.


How much do you charge?
Everyday, I walk by many, many, many people sitting in their cars, engines running, heat likely going, and lights on. I do not understand it. Its been posted here before.
Must be nice being able to sit in your car, engine and lights on, heater and radio on for your 15 min breaks, lunches, or waiting for something/someone, basically killing time.
Must be nice having money to waste on all that gas.
Must be nice thinking that gas and resources can be that expendable to you.
Must be nice not caring about wasting energy and not caring for the environment.
Its only when you have whatever it is that its okay to waste it, right?
I think not.
And so I've realized what it is that bugs me most about this action. Its like the movies when cops or bad guys are in cars doing stakeouts and surveillance, essentially spying.
But thats not most people are doing. Most people are looking at the phones. So whats dumber than sitting in your car with all your luxuries wasting away? Sitting in your car looking at your phone.
I dont understand what I don't do.
I won't do what I dont understand.
I dont have a car anyway, and I wouldn't sit in my car and look at my phone if I did have a car.


I can never avoid not being weird. I either say something out of norm, or have mannerisms that are off. Im not excusing this, or justifying it, but I wasn't taught social norms. I was bullied throughout my schooling, and was moved to many schools so never actualy made friends.
I lived through neglect, homelessness and foster system. Living in many homes and group home facilities.
I try so hard to be normal, I wish I was. I wish I never experienced anything ive lived through.
I'm in college trying to gain a degree, I just got a job even working in the public.
People always stare at me like I'm a freak because I act like a person who doesn't know social norms, ques or how to hold normal conversations.
Sometimes I wish I could die because how can I live a quality life, be productive at work and school, if I can never learn to socialize normaly?
I'm 31, its too late to learn developmental stages that should have been met years ago.

Funny How That Works

Reports from the Capitol rioting indicate that there were cops and ex-cops among those assaulting the center of our democracy because they don't believe voting is legitimate if it doesn't go their way. Then we find out the guy who threw a fire extinguisher into the backs of some cops' heads was an ex-firefighter. Maybe we should consider withdrawing some of our worship of those in official uniforms and start demanding not only the same accountability as we demand from ordinary citizens, but more, considering that the men in uniform have exponentially more power. We could start by rejecting any calls from the police unions to give cops more 'tools,' more immunity, more money. They shown they misused all three in the year of protest just behind us. Make them prove they are dedicated to the highest ideals of the role given them in society—not just to a paycheck and a pension. Just a modest proposal.

Big Man I Wish

you board a crowded bus and started walking to the back, loudly saying something and swearing. I caught energy of "mother fucker this, better move that." Then we happen to exit at the same stop yet you're blocking the rear exit and just standing there barking more shit, so I can't exit until you finally let me go first, instead of exiting your dumbass out first. Then you're yelling more shit as I exit. The bus driver was aware of your hostility when you came on, but bus drivers don't do anything for fear of altercations or bring stabbed, so I understand. So I said a loud "what!" To you. I didn't hear all your rants earlier nor was I curious to listening to another entitled, know nothing, do nothing all day loser, self privileged asshole, dominant angry man. I really, really wished I could've punched you in the face to put you in your place of simply delusional behavior. You were looking for trouble or had some bad day. Bad day for what? Not getting your free meal from somewhere? Or asked to wait in line wasting your time from all your important, and contributing activities you do all day?
We no longer live in human civilization people.

The Wheat from the Chaff

Friendly reminder that the freedom of the press is directly tied to the freedom of speech. People suck, things they say suck. But you know what sucks WORSE? Not being able to say anything at all, or complain about things like, I don't know, the ruling class. Enemy of the enemy isn't quite a friend, or something we even need to tolerate. The way I hate certain flavors of ice cream, but that doesn't mean I sacrifice ALL ICE CREAM just to remove one or two that I think are distasteful.

You floppy fuck

Trim your goddamn floppy ass shoelaces! You come floppin into the room and those piss soaked strings a flappin away. Someone then tells you and you tie them and THEN you touch other things with your piss fingers. FUCKIN A. You are mid forties or some old shit. Figure it out you look like you are 8.

And buy a belt. Better yet; trim the laces into a belt you crusty old flap