Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

most friends suck

Don't sell a car to a friend, we all know why.
Don't rent to friends, you wont be friends.
My roomies have taken the covid rent break
to full advantage. Lazy drug addled scum.
Guess what fuckers Dec 1st is almost here
which means eviction notices are coming.
Please don't cry it's cold and wet out.
You done it to yourselves. Lazy boosting fucks,
can't wait till the 1st.

Next Year Baby

I keep hearing and seeing words and talk about how 2020 sucks. No fucking doubt. Worst fucking year in all my 40 plus years on earth. I also hear how 2021 will be better. How? When the new year starts, all 2020s troubles are supposed to go away? Like as if an election result means protests for change need not happen anymore? In reality, seriously, what's it gonna take for stadiums and concerts to resume to 10s of thousands in attendance? Like suddenly, okay guys, let's pack the Arlene Schnitzer again, magic, poof, all better now. Viruses, wild fires, tragic deaths, and police brutality will not suddenly end. How will we get there? Is this merely hopeful and positive thinking? It is this thinking that has the bigger let down in my opinion. This will take a while. I have a feeling I'm going to walk out one day, years from now and say, "when did that happen? Oh okay, we don't need to wear masks anymore?" I think, seriously the best thing is to do is go along for the ride and not fight anything.
Oh yes, I guess I haven't taken a shower in a week.

This Is Why

You had ten minutes to get your shit together. We waited at the same bus stop for the same bus. This became known later. 10 minutes to have your fair ready. So you board and now with your multitude of pockets, your fair or money can't be found. Driver is waiting and we all are. There you are for the first 3 minutes searching for it furiously in all your pockets. Then driver takes off because you're still looking. Your mask is off the whole time but you sit up front still looking for whatever. Another 3 minutes later, you find something and put your mask on. You negotiate with the driver now because you don't have enough money. I will commend you. Good job getting your mask on. I know that's difficult to do with 10 minutes beforehand. That's not enough time. Good job paying what you could. Times are tough and 2.50 is too much. I don't know if this is comical or upsetting.

You Don't Have to be Old to be a Mom

Whats with these young girls these days sporting the mom pants look? Is that what they call it?
I'm sure its been happening for a while though now as I'm not hip to what's hip.
I can only describe it as oversized jeans especially big around the hips and waist, almost hiked up to the breaststroke, not really.
But it looks like that.
Always young girls too.
I think the idea is it looks nerdy, outdated, and dorky, but that's exactly the thing that's makes it cool.
Its a little sexy too.
Ah, crap. Sorry mom.

Your Ass

The fuck is up with guys showing their asses while peeing?
That’s what your fly is for dumbass. The last thing most guys want to see is your bare ass when they walk into the bathroom.
Pull that shit up and pee out your pant hole you clowns.

Do We Need to Start a Class War?

Or the better question: have we been fighting one our whole lives without fully acknowledging it? Which side do you think is winning these days? Do they say things like "nothing to see here, no man behind the curtain or anything, be a good peasant and shove it"?

Fuck Kroger. This isn't Fred Meyer anymore

My current partner works for one of the many Fred Meyer stores that are not actually Fred Meyer anymore. I've heard nothing but horror stories since Kroger purchased the chain, and during this pandemic it seems to only be getting so much worse. Workers are being spread so thin, being pulled from different departments to cover those who are out sick (while still being expected to run their original departments), being pushed to take more and more and more hours, regardless of if it's good for them, and I've been living with this horrible dread and anxiety, knowing that they can't keep this up for very much longer before the whole thing falls apart. It seems extremely clear at this point that the people in charge are only concerned about the money that can be made off of the situation, and see their employees as entirely expendable. I know a lot of people see going to the grocery store and their one 'going out into the world' activity that is necessary and therefore shouldn't be questioned, but did you know you could get groceries delivered? Did you know you could sign up for curbside pickup where you don't even need to get out of the car? I know there isn't a perfect solution to this whole mess, but rushing to the store to buy up TP, or using grocery shopping as an excuse to break quarantine needs to fucking stop before grocery store workers start dropping like healthcare workers.

Rules I make but don't follow

Every multnomah county commissioners gets paid $117 thousand dollars a year. I know that isn't the same as a doctor gets paid, but it is significantly more than all the families in Multnomah county who are low income or poverty level. The same families economically impacted by school closures and business closures, are the ones told to follow these orders, are the ones told schools must stay closed. But one commissioners thinks its pretty okay to vacation in Hawaii while telling her constituents to follow these rules. Commissioner meieran.
So, why aren't these public servants withholding their tax covered salary? They have the luxery of getting this passive income simply serving on a baord for the county while forcing mandates that prevent poor families from making money.
How can you even support that?

Wow vroom vroom Mr. Loud Cars neighbor

Somebody's compensating for something, with his obnoxiously noisy engines. I have the most fucking annoying neighbor in the history of annoying neighbors. My neighbor is going to drive me nuts (pun not intended) with the noisy engines and car repairs and revving engines every. single. fucking. day. Even after 10 at night. (He's been reported.) Why are there so many douchey car owners hereabouts? Do they have no comprehension that they are in a neighborhood with a lot of people around who are mostly all stuck at home cuz of Covid? I think he probably has hearing loss by now.

Pathetic Cheapasses

A ton of folks try riding Max free, hoping no fair inspectors are on the prowl. I get that. Try your luck gambling. Its always younguns too.
Whats so pathetic is you with your honored citizen pass. So happens, fair inspectors are on board, "do you have an ID to show you're an honored citizen?" You go, "no i don't." Okay, "you need an ID to buy this pass." You go, "I don't know, thats what my brother told me to do."
Are you 4 years old? What logic made you think you are an honored citizen, "claiming" you knew nothing about such a fair versus an adult or youth pass? Your excuses were just as pitiful as the reasons for no masks. All for what? A little over a dollar more to pay?
And yes I agree with the earlier post. All the time I ride Max, at least a few, at least a third of passengers don't wear masks and I guess this is not the fair inspectors job, eh? To top that off, sometimes you can see up to 10 fair inspectors on 1 train, during the lowest traffic time of day. What is up with that?

Is Santa Coming to Town?

I wonder on Santa's situation this year with CoVid?
Will he be able to travel?
What are parents explaining as to why Santa will come or not come because of a virus?
Is he a superhero and immune to CoVid?
Or are parents disclosing the myths of Santa?
Or buying less or no presents from Santa?

Should be fun

War of the Words

What the hell did the internet do to people's brains? The hatred, the lack of restraint. Look guys, there is a time and place for the above behaviors, but it should not be your go-to attitude. And this isn't just about the young'uns, I'm directly calling you olds too. Get your shit together, people, and ask yourself why the F you are so mad, and whether or not your self absorption is worth verbally abusing someone else. Preach love, practice abuse? Go the f outside and stare at the trees, practice being nice to someone, make a goddamn journal of your haughty taughty tight-ass opinions. I repeat -PUT THE KEYBOARD DOWN and take a blood pressure test while you're at it. Sometimes, you don't get what you want. Sometimes, not everyone is you and doesn't share your ideas. GET THE F*** OVER IT.

We heard you!

"More than 70 million people voted for Trump because they feel like their voices aren't being heard." What a load of horseshit! We've heard them for years, and still hear them every day. They say things like, "Blue Lives Matter," and, "Fuck your feelings," and, "We can't rebuild our civilization with someone else's babies!" We hear them shouting about their guns and how their god hates anybody who doesn't look, live, or love like them. We heard every racist, misogynist, homo- and transphobic word. They voted for Trump because they knew EXACTLY who he was and what that vote meant. They voted against their own self-interest, just to "own the libs." So let's drop the fucked-up pretense that they are just sad, misunderstood, abandoned "real" Americans OK? We don't need to understand them, we don't need to accommodate them, we just need to outnumber and outlive them. The demographics are inescapable.

Civil Liberties My Ass

Great so now li'l D wants to start a war with Iran because he thinks it's the only way he can stay in office. I mean I get it, he owes hundreds of millions, broke dozens of laws and melania will probably divorce him and start her own network but are we really going to let him get away with starting world war 3? Man 2020 sucks!

Watch Your Step

There are so many things to worry about these days. Trump, Biden, Rona, social justice, stupid property taxes, homeless, no fucking sun, spiders, etc. But let's not let our guard down, people. The Crows are coming.