When you watch as much television as I do, you start to realize a few things. For example, you may realize that you have a very sore ass. Or, you might begin spotting what we in the sitting-on-our-ass-all-day biz call “trends.” Take, for instance, the late ’70s, when practically every show was a bra-less sitcom. Or the mid-’90s, when the trend was snoozy hourlong dramas like ER, and the egregiously boring Law & Order (I know you may disagree, but C’MON!! They repeat their own story lines more than I do!!).
Well, it doesn’t take a brainiac to figure out what trend we’re knee-deep in now; and that’s the “capitalize on human suffering” trend. Though network executives like to call them “reality shows,” in what “reality” do people starve themselves in Africa for a chance to win a million bucks and an SUV? No sir, “human suffering” is the order of the day, and is clearly the point of such shows as Survivor, The Weakest Link, and a brand spankin’ new show called The Chair. This creep-a-thon features contestants who are strapped down and grilled with tough questions while being physically harassed. In a nutshell, it’s like having a gynecological or prostate exam, only to realize it’s your boss doing the poking!
However! Here in the States, nobody does human suffering better than NBC’s Fear Factor (Mondays, 8 pm), which has just started its second sicko season. Jar-head host Joe Rogan (formerly of NewsRadio) forces six contestants through a series of gut-churning tasks that would make Charles Bronson crap his britches. These include (but are not limited to) lying in a pit covered with live, wiggling rats, eating sheep eyeballs, gargling cocktails of cockroaches, driving a car off the top of a three-story parking garage, riding a very angry bull, and bobbing for plums in a tank filled with snakes. And naturally, the producers would like it to seem like these are normal acts of physical endurance–rather than acts of torture that would make Adolf fawking Hitler envious!
Regardless, while all of these shows raise serious questions about so-called entertainment and human dignity, all I can say is, “THANK GOD FOR THE JAPANESE,” whose run-of-the-mill variety shows make ours look like a trip to the taffy factory. Don’t believe me? Well, SCREW YOU, PAL, because you can see it all for yourself on the video Japanarama! Psycho TV from Japan (http://too-far-east.tripod.com/japanarama). This two-hour tape features scenes from a multitude of Japanese shows that showcase all sorts of deviant (and hilarious) behavior.
For example! Name one American TV show where you can witness any of the following: a human catapult, from which the contestant is flung off a cliff (but not before his clothes are torn off); pro wrestlers throwing skinny guys into a tub of glue, onto an electrified plate, or into a tank filled with sharks and chum; contestants being covered in butter, which is then licked off by a pack of dogs; a spirited game of tug-of-war, except with strings attached to bare nipples; and finally, a hungry Komodo dragon that’s unleashed on a man who has raw meat taped to his head.
And trust me, I would be the first in line to report these travesties to any number of human rights organizations–if only it weren’t so god damn FUNNY. My hands are tied!
