Let’s get one thing clear: I love the Italians. I love their
booshy mustaches. I love their “spicy meatballs.” I love their mafia.
I’m not a huge fan of their dressing… I prefer “ranch.” I love their
Cher in Moonstruck. I love their Pizza Hut. I love their “Mama
Mia” (not the movie, but the song from ABBA—AND YES, I KNOW THEY
AREN’T ITALIAN). And I love their way of running all their words
together, like “fuggedaboutit” and “wassamattayou?” and
“supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”
Unfortunately the Italians (WHOM I LOVE) can be a weeeeeeeeee bit
touchy when TV stereotypes them. And I hear where you’re coming from,
Italians! As a native of Alabama, I am so furious about the constant
stream of stereotypical “hillbilly” images on television, it’s nearly
impossible to concentrate on mating with this pig. In fact, I’m so
angry, I’m tempted to put down my moonshine, and ask my sister wife
(and cousin wife) to write an angry missive to the networks (since I
ain’t got enough learnin’ to know my letters yet).
Therefore I understand you are upset by the new MTV reality
show debuting this week, Jersey Shore (Thurs Nov 3, 10 pm). For
the uninitiated, Jersey Shore is like The Real World for
young Italian douchebags. It features eight “guidos”—their
stereotype, not mine—living in a beach house on the Jersey Shore
doing stereotypical guido things, such as applying copious amounts of
hair products, drinking, fighting, working on their abs, exhibiting
armpit stains, having sex, working on their tans… and I mentioned
applying hair products, right?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the show has upset the Italian American
organization UNICO, who thinks Jersey Shore should be cancelled
because it “relies on crude stereotypes and highlights cursing, bad
behavior, and violence.” But it’s not just Italians who are offended!
The year-round residents of the Jersey Shore are angry too, claiming
these “guidos” are actually from New York State, and are entirely
unwelcome in the area. Or as one Jersey native commenting on MTV’s
website bluntly put it, “MTV sucks! The real show should be how the
locals kick the **** out of all the guidos every summer. There
[sic] a bunch of **** **** them and **** MTV. Jersey doesn’t
need this ****.” (People from Jersey kind of talk funny, don’t
they?)
HOWEVER! Here’s one thing to remember: If there’s one truth we all
hold to be self-evident, it’s that REALITY SHOWS ARE NEVER, EVER
“REAL.” Without a single exception, reality shows are fakier than Fakey
McFakerson pretending to be the grand marshal of the Fakeytown’s Annual
Fake Orgasm Parade. And while there certainly may be a number of
abdominally obsessed, hair product-loving douchebags in the world, they
don’t speak for an entire region or culture, any more than Hogan’s
Heroes is an accurate depiction of Nazi war camps. (For that I
watch The Hills.)
In addition, Jersey Shore looks HILARIOUS—so follow
this advice: Temporarily drop your disdain for stereotypes, pop open a
jug of moonshine, and enjoy this trashy show with your
wife/sister/first cousin and your pig/lover/dinner. That’s my plan,
anyway.
