Fall Arts 2016

Fall Arts & Culture Guide

It’s Peak Art Season in Portland. Here’s Your Game Plan.

Food and Ink

Cooks Tell the Stories Behind Their Tattoos

PICA Puts Down Roots

At This Year’s Time-Based Art Festival, the Stakes Are Higher

August Wilson, Guns, and Fractured Fairy Tales

Here Are the Mercury’s Fall Theater Picks!

Martha Grover’s Messy Lives

The End of My Career Author Is the Voice of Portland Right Now

Big Big Wednesday Is “A Beautiful Object”

The Local Literary Journal Looks to the Future

Wordstock’s Challenge: Too Many Readers

2,500 People Were Expected at Last Year’s Festival. 8,500 Showed Up. Here’s How the Organizers Plan to Meet the Demand This Time Around.

Your Guide to the Symphonic Season

There’s a Lot More Than Pokémon in the Oregon Symphony’s 2016/17 Concerts

Every holiday it’s the same thing: people saying “gimme, gimme, gimme!” So... why should we be left out? Here at the Mercury, we want some “gimme,” too! That’s why we’re giving you a helpful, handy list of all the cool, totally awesome stuff we want this year. Sure, you can get these for friends and family, too... as long as you get them for us first. You’re welcome!

Editor-in-Chief WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY’S Wish List

Bull Run’s Barrel Strength Straight Bourbon Whiskey

It’s not easy being the editor of a newspaper, especially in these days of Trump working diligently to imprison me. On the upside? There’s liquor, which not only helps me get through the day, but also ups my bravery by 1000 percent. Now, I’m a bourbon guy. And while my go-to booze is the delicious honey and caramel flavor of Temperance Trader Straight Bourbon Whiskey from local distillers Bull Run—I think I deserve the best on their shelf, don’t you? That’s why I’m wishing for a bottle of their Barrel Strength Straight Bourbon Whiskey. Dipped directly from the barrel without any further dilution, booze reviewers Crafted Pours says this whiskey has notes of “rich caramel, charred oak, chocolate, leather (!!), and cinnamon” which is currently causing a flood of lustful drool in my mouth. Help me face the next four years (and today) in style. Get me this booze. Bull Run Distilling Co., 2259 NW Quimby, $80

See See Racer Stripes Red Tee

While 2016 wasn’t exactly the best year of my life, I did make one amazing purchase: A cherry 1974 Honda CB550 Four. It runs like a goddamn dream, I look a-may-zing on it, and it’s a fun conversation piece wherever I go. And it’s especially appreciated at See See Motor Coffee Shop that sells coffee, yes, but also has a terrific side shop filled with great products for the classic cycle enthusiast. Sure, I could get you to buy me one of their wicked hot helmets, or racing jackets—but why be greedy? I will happily settle for their red Racer Stripes Tee, which is a mixture of cotton, polyester, and rayon and has the vintage feel of a striped high school sports jersey, and is emblazoned with a classic dirt bike cuttin’ some cookies—which is what I want to do each and every day. Make it a medium to fit my sexy frame. See See Motor Coffee Shop, 1642 NE Sandy, $35

The Prince Zine (Fourth Edition)

I don’t care who knows it—I miss Prince! Ever since that sad day of his departure on April 21, 2016, I’ve been listening to his music, rewatching his movies, and still erupting into fits of tearful laughter over the “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” about Prince from Chappelle’s Show. And the more I learn about Prince, the more I want to know! That’s why any Prince-lover (particularly me) would love a copy of this essential locally produced treasure, The Prince Zine. Now in its fourth edition, this gorgeous zine, written by Mercury arts correspondent Joshua James Amberson and illustrated by Rachel Lee-Carmen, has been updated to include all events up to October 2016. It’s smart, funny, and a loving tribute to the artist formerly (and currently) known as my favorite artist. Etsy, etsy.com/listing/69912652/the-prince-zine- the-revised-and-updated, $5

Fit Pack

Being an insanely busy dude means I have little time and patience for bullshit. So it’s the tiny things that drive me insane... like trying to squeeze my gym stuff into my backpack that also has to carry my laptop, reading material, and copious snacks. Oh, and it has to look good, too! That’s why I would like you to purchase me the Fit Pack from Aer. It has a front-load main compartment for my stinky gym clothes, a padded laptop pocket, and a “quick access” pocket at the top for small things like my phone or teriyaki beef jerky. Plus its ballistic nylon black exterior is stylish as eff. And it’s not all that expensive. Don’t you want me to look awesome while I’m walking next to you, and not be the least bit insane? Great! Get me the Fit Pack. Machus, 542 E Burnside, $120

Sector Nine A.E.V. Longboard

I’m a multiple transportation sort of guy, and get around via car, train, bike, motorcycle, walking, and... yes, skateboard. While a person may be fine with just one car, bike, or motorcycle, there is really no excuse for not having as many skateboards as humanly possible. I currently have three, and now I want another one: The Sector Nine A.E.V. Longboard. It comes with a five-ply vertically laminated deck, Gullwing Pro III trucks, and 61mm Nineballs wheels. And it... is... GORGEOUS, with swooping airbrushed teal and burnt orange lines, and a vintage classy feel. I get around—in style. And with this sweet-ass longboard, I’ll be more stylish than ever. Cal Skate Skateboards, 210 NW 6th, $149.95

Who? oil photo by KindTyme

Copy Chief JENNI MOORE’S Wish List

Buckshot 2.0 / Buckshot Pro Speaker

The Buckshot 2.0 is worth the price, because it’s a waterproof, really cute little speaker with impressive sound. But while the Buckshot Pro may only have slightly better sound quality and is merely water resistant, it also quadruples as a flashlight, tableside lamp, and USB power source. Oh, and it comes with an elastic strap so you can attach it to your bike handlebars (or a pole, what have you) so you can cast light on your path while you listen. Yep it’s basically the perfect gift for any outdoorsy, active, or music-loving Portlander in your life. (Cough cough—ME—cough!) CORD, 2916 NE Alberta, cordpdx.com, $39.95-79.95

Lemolo Day Pack

This backpack is one of the last of its kind, since Portland designer Elias Grey of Lemolo Baggage has sadly decided to end his bag-making era. The Lemolo Day Pack has a gorgeous water-resistant canvas shell with an interior that’s lined with extra-protective heavy cordura nylon. With belt-like straps that need to be unfastened and refastened, it’s not a quick-access bag—but it would be a perfect addition to a frequent-flier outfit, or simply a day of being well-prepared and fashionable. Sooooo pretty! CORD, 2916 NE Alberta, cordpdx.com, $200

Who? Vape Pen with Jilly Bean cartridge

This pen is functional and totally reasonably priced; it’s the pricey-albeit-long-lasting oil cartridges that make this item wish list-worthy. And when Attis Trading Company gets the Jilly Bean strain in stock? You’ve gotta bite the bullet and take action because their case will go quick. We women in particular love the Jilly Bean strain for its mood elevating properties that balance out monthly hormone swings and make way for a euphoric high. It’s also a strong aphrodisiac, so ummm... I would recommend taking a couple draws to “ready” yourself for some winter sexytime. That’s what I would do, if someone were nice enough to get it for me. Attis Trading Company, 7737 SW Barbur, attistrading.com, $40

Shwood Sunglasses

Full disclosure: Eric Singer, the founder/designer of Shwood sunglasses, was seriously hot shit back in 2001 at Ackerman Middle School in Canby, Oregon. (That’s obvi not my reason for wanting them!) So it wasn’t super shocking when he launched his own line of artisan wooden-framed eyewear in 2009, which then became the best product—besides Christmas trees—to come out of my hometown. Nowadays you’ll see cheap knockoffs everywhere that imitate the original wooden sunglasses, but Shwoods are made from natural materials with high quality craftsmanship and wood manipulation—GOD, THEY’RE SO SEXY. They’re the perfect accessory to compliment that “PNW lifestyle” look that I’ve subconsciously adopted. Available in various styles, textures, and colors (stone, titanium, and acetate), the glasses are named after various Oregon towns and landmarks. I’m particularly fond of the Eugene frames in walnut, the dark speckled Hayden Acetate, and also the intricate Canby Pinecone style. Until I finally get my own pair, I’ll be envious whenever I see these on somebody else. Feel free to buy them for me! Various retailers, see shwoodshop.com, $129-295

Striking Distance Stun Gun

Are you a female or queer individual who’s anxious about having their pussy grabbed in public, or being the victim of other violent acts under Trump’s regime? Totally understandable. (Merry Christmas!) And if you’re not comfortable or ready to exercise your right to bear arms? Fear not! There are other options in the way of self-defense and preparedness. Damsel in Defense is a line of stun guns and other safety-related items geared toward women. I’m particularly interested in the Striking Distance Stun Gun, a wand-style device that provides an extra 12 inches between you and a would-be attacker. It also has upwards of six million volts running through it, so it’ll be effective at zapping through clothing if need be. My favorite part: it makes a pretty intimidating noise that could be used to scare off freaky wild animals as well (FUCK YOU, RACCOONS!). There aren’t any restrictions for its use in Oregon, it doubles as a powerful flashlight, and it comes in both black and pink! White male friends of mine, invest in my safety and you can add it to your list of completed reparations. Damsel in Defense, mydamselpro.net, $60

Managing Editor ERIK HENRIKSEN’S Wish List

Quiet Comfort 25 Acoustic Noise Cancelling Headphones

Hi, my name is Erik, and thanks to a whole bunch of awful things, 2016 was the worst year of my life! And you know what kept droning on and on throughout, making it worse and worse, hammering into my ear like a goddamned sharp, rusty nail? PEOPLES’ VOICES. 2016’s excruciating election made

everyone feel entitled to blather on and on about inane bullshit—and so my number one plan to make my 2017 just a little bit better is to make it more quiet. Please help me achieve my hermitude by getting me some headphones like rich people have—Bose’s Quiet Comfort 25 Acoustic Noise Cancelling Headphones will, of course, play the new Wolf People album at eardrum-bleeding levels, but also? They’ll block out all other noise. Including voices. Bose, Pioneer Place, 700 SW 5th, bose.com, $299.95

Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition

A shrunk-down version of the machine that helped define my childhood, Nintendo’s NES Classic Edition is just like the original Nintendo—except BETTER. “Better” as in it already has 30 of Nintendo’s greatest classics installed—from The Legend of Zelda to Final Fantasy to Super Mario Bros. to Excitebike to Metroid to Ninja Gaiden to Castlevania to I COULD GO ON. And “better” as in it comes with an HDMI cord so it’s easy to plug right into the TV. Add in the miniaturized but still-classic retro design—it’s a tiny little baby NES!—and ta-DAH! I have a new best friend! Anyways, these things are selling like crazy—like “crashing Amazon when they went on sale” crazy—so you’ll have to do quite a bit of legwork to track one down for me! Thanks in advance! Fred Meyer (if you can find one in stock), 3030 NE Weidler, fredmeyer.com, $59.99

Strangers in Their Own Land by Arlie Russell Hochschild

The 2016 election didn’t teach Portlanders anything so much as give us a brutal reminder of what we already knew: That our city looks nothing like the rest of the country, where Americans feel so much fear and uncertainty that they voted for Donald Fucking Trump in a desperate, doomed attempt to usher in any kind of change agent. With Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right, sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild ventures into the conservative heartland—speaking with, and listening to, those who live in the America that the coastal cities have long ignored. Starting this January, America will be their country—we’re just living in it. And if we want America to get better, our first step is to understand them the best we can. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, powells.com, $27.95

Arcanum Unbounded by Brandon Sanderson

And you know what I’m reading right after that? SOME MOTHERFUCKING FANTASY, with magic and weird animals and ninjas and wizards and all that wacky shit! Brandon Sanderson is one of the finest writers working in the genre—conjuring massive, immersive worlds filled with likeable, inventive characters. Sanderson also does something not even his contemporaries like George R.R. Martin or Patrick Rothfuss can match: Devise rules and systems for magic that are clever and cool enough to set any D&D geek’s heart a-flutter. Arcanum Unbounded: The Cosmere Collection brings together a slew of Sanderson’s shorter works, including a new novella set in his fantastic Stormlight Archive series! *puts on rich-person headphones* *opens book* *disappears forever* Annie Bloom’s Books, 7834 SW Capitol Highway, annieblooms.com, $27.99

Annual Northwest Forest Pass

Sure, the weather’s shitty now, and it will be for a few months yet. But come spring—or hell, just come a time when the Northwest isn’t utterly miserable with rain—I get out of town almost every weekend, finding one of Oregon or Washington’s kazillion trails to lose myself on (sometimes literally) (okay, frequently literally). Portland is great for a number of reasons, but right up at the top is our proximity to stunning wilderness that’s perfect for hiking, fishing, camping, and more. And the cost to explore is minimal: a tank of gas or a friend with a car, a sandwich, a bottle of water. The only mandatory expense, in fact, is a Northwest Forest Pass, which grants access to a sprawling array of spots in Oregon and Washington—and the funds it raises ensure that our trails, campgrounds, and bridges are maintained. So really, this isn’t just a gift for me—it’s also a gift for our beloved Mother Nature. (But mostly it’s for me.) Next Adventure, 426 SE Grand, nextadventure.net, $30

News Reporter DOUG BROWN’S Wish List

It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis

I stumbled onto Sinclair Lewis’ writing about a year ago and have since read two of his novels I consider to be among my favorite books: Babbitt (1922) and Main Street (1920). Now I’d like to get my hands on and crack open another Lewis book. It Can’t Happen Here, published in 1935 during the rise of Hitler and European fascism, is about a fictional charismatic and demagogic populist American politician who wins the presidency. I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but I feel like it may be an appropriate time to own and read this one. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, powells.com, $7.50 (used)

Classes at Newspace Center for Photography

I generally have enough stuff cluttering my apartment. What I don’t have enough of? Skills. That’s why I’d love to take some photography classes at Southeast Portland’s awesome gallery and photography resource nonprofit, the Newspace Center for Photography. Along with a bunch of other cool photography stuff they do, they’ve got a range of single- and multiple-session classes ranging from the practical “Learning to Use Your DSLR” and “Photography Fundamentals” to “Expanding Photography: Creative Techniques.” I’m a self-taught photographer with a decent Instagram account; I’d love to be taught photographer who’s legitimately good at photography, and I know Newspace can help. Newspace Center for Photography,  1632 SE 10th, newspacephoto.org, price varies per class

Chrome Industries’ Barrage Pro Backpack

This is going to be my first winter commuting to and from work on a bike, and I need a waterproof backpack that can haul a whole bunch of shit. This is that heavy-duty, high-capacity backpack. When I bike, I sweat a lot, even in cold weather—so I need a backpack that can hold my work clothes and a thick jacket, along with my laptop, my DSLR camera, and lenses. With my current backpack’s 31-liter capacity, that’s just not feasible. This bad-boy has nearly twice the capacity, has a roll top, is waterproof, reflective in traffic, made in America, and is guaranteed for life. I want it. Chrome Industries, 425 SW 10th, chromeindustries.com, $350

“Poncho” Fenders from Portland Design Works

Sticking with the bike-commuting theme, I could definitely use some fenders for the rainy, shitty winter. I’d love a set from a local cycling gear company called Portland Design Works. Those folks are awesome and you should buy things from them. The “Poncho” fenders are lightweight and cover everything, they’re polycarbonate, and, importantly, they’re sturdy and rattle-free so it won’t be obnoxious to have them. Also, they’re not too expensive. Let’s do it! Portland Design Works,  ridepdw.com, $69

Bikram Yoga

Keeping with the “I don’t need much more stuff” theme, I’d love to do some Bikram Yoga. Yoga is expensive, and I’d like someone else to pay for it. Thanks, wish list! I did Bikram for a month or two before moving to Portland earlier this year and it was great. Despite the fact that the yoga system’s founder (Bikram Choudhury) is apparently a creep, the yoga’s great, and he’s not teaching it here. It’s time again for me to plant myself in an extremely hot and humid room and sweat my ass off for 90 minutes while attempting to do 26 postures that will take years to get good at. It’s a legitimate kick in the butt, but the post-Bikram high is real. Bikram Yoga SE Portland,  7070 SE 16th, bikramseportland.com, price varies per package

Food Editor ANDREA DAMEWOOD’S Wish List

FINEX 12” Cast Iron Twin Spring Grill Pan

If 13-year-old Andrea knew the way 32-year-old Andrea obsesses over finely-crafted cookware, she’d kick my ass. But there’s no denying the gorgeous work that local cast iron company FINEX is doing. These heirloom-quality pieces stand out thanks to a spiral-spring handle designed to cool quickly so you can move the damn thing, and an octagonal shape to allow for pouring in six directions. I’ve got my eye on the grill pan—FINEX has a super-smooth computer machined surface, which means my food won’t stick as I achieve my wintertime indoor grilling goals. The grill pan is modeled after outdoor barbecues, so the juices drip off immediately, thus ensuring your pork chops and asparagus are seared and not simmered. The price tag burns just a little bit, but I sure as shit know my steak won’t. FINEX, available at many Portland stores and at finexusa.com, $225

Departure Peking Duck Dinner

I’ve always had an aversion to Ohio, except for the movie A Christmas Story. That scene where the Bumpus’ hounds eat the holiday turkey and the family ends up in a Chinese restaurant with a Peking duck smiling at them!? From Dec 1–30, I too wish to throw my basic poultry to the redneck neighbors and have a fine dining experience from Chef Gregory Gourdet at downtown’s Departure Restaurant + Lounge. Gather a group of up to four people and give Departure at least 24 hours’ notice, then you’ll be set for a feast of Peking duck that’s cured, blanched in honey and Chinese wine, and served with a housemade plum sauce, scallions, hoisin, and cucumbers. It all comes with li’l round mandarin pancakes for maximum sensory satisfaction. AND THEN, the chefs take all the bits of meat left on the bones and make a savory duck fried rice. Sounds so good, you’ll shoot your eye out. Departure, 525 SW Morrison, departureportland.com, $99

North St. BAGS’ Woodward Convertible Backpack Panniers

My life with my current panniers is like one of those cheesy infomercials where someone, typically in black and white, is shown struggling mightily to operate a cheese grater or chop her own salad. I have to pack my pannier just so, so it stays waterproof and still clips closed. When I have to walk anywhere with my panniers, the straps dig painfully into my palms, leaving red marks for minutes!! (This is where the big red X floats over my predicament). What would I (have you) pay to relieve me of this misery? Would you guess one payment of just $249?! That’s what it takes to get me into a North St. Bags’ Woodward convertible backpack pannier! It’s local, it’s super well made, and gosh if I don’t think I’d look banging in that teal color with snazzy silver/gray reflective stripes. Order now, and you’ll receive thanks from one very grateful and happy-palmed food critic! North St. Bags, 2716 SE 23rd, northstbags.com, $249

Hydro Flask 16-oz Coffee Mug

I usually spend too much on coffee to afford a better mug in which to transport it. I’ve loved many a travel mug in my day, but after borrowing a friend’s Hydro Flask over the summer for a hike, I’m convinced this top-tier cup and I are meant to be. Made by a company based in Bend, these mugs are hyper-insulated and do a very serious job of keeping hot drinks hot, and cold drinks icy cold. They’re what Mr. George Thermos meant to make when he crafted his mint green receptacles in the 1870s (this is not true; I do not know the history of Thermoses). I owe it to the hard work and big ass eco-footprint that creating good coffee causes to make sure it doesn’t wind up unappetizingly lukewarm when I’m finally able to drink it. REI, 1405 NW Johnson, rei.com, $24.95

Wild Feminist Crew Sweatshirt

Judging by the way Wild Fang’s merchandise is depleted, I know I’m not the only one who has spent the better part of November scream-crying in despair and wondering what the fuck to do. I’ve long admired Wild Fang’s feminist series of clothing, but balked just a little at this Portland icon’s prices—$40 is more than I want to pay for a T-shirt, no matter the message. Now that I’ve set up some recurring donations to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU, Wild Fang’s “Wild Feminist” sweatshirt (just $10 more than the T-shirt and with 100 percent more fuzziness) seems like the kind of splurge that belongs on a wish list. Wait, scratch that. I’m buying this one for myself right now because I’m a nasty woman and I want the world to know it. Wildfang, 1230 SE Grand, wildfang.com, $50

Music Editor CIARA DOLAN’S Wish List

Revival, Vol. 2: Live Like You Mean It

Tim Seeley’s Revival series is a few years old, but I’m new to comics and just stumbled upon Volume 1: You’re Among Friends. The rural noir follows the story of a small town in Wisconsin that experiences a strange phenomenon called “the Revival”—basically a bunch of people who’d recently died come back to life one day and can’t be killed. Elderly folks who were ready to fly up to fluffy cloud heaven are pretty peeved about their new unkillable status, and some get violent. I am generally bored out of my gourd by zombie shit (vampires are much sexier, obviously), but Revival’s like a beautiful hybrid of Stranger Things and the first season of Fargo. Books with Pictures, 1100 SE Division, $14.95

“Very Old” Leonardi Balsamic Vinegar

If balsamic vinegar were to be poured straight down my gullet once a day, I’d live for hundreds of years. It’s been my favorite food since childhood, and I’ve yet to develop an ulcer (that I know of). Once my friend went to Italy and brought me back a fancy vial of balsamic syrup, and let me tell you something—I drank it straight out of the bottle. I tried to think of where the fanciest balsamic vinegar in Portland would live. Turns out, it’s at Zupan’s. They want me to give them $249 for some “very old” vinegar. I won’t, but if someone else were to get it for me I’d be pleased. I’d probably get superpowers from drinking such a fine elixir. If you want to be friends with a superhero, buy this for me or the other vinegar fiends in your life. Zupan’s, 3301 SE Belmont, $249

Guy Fieri “Keep Cookin’” Signed Chef Hat

A few months ago, celebrity chef Guy Fieri came to Portland to film his fantastic TV show Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I repeatedly reached out to him on Twitter and Blogtown, but he brazenly ignored my multiple requests to break bread and chat about our shared interests (cool hairstyles, shiny cars, grease). Though he rejected me, I just can’t get off the Fieri train—Triple D is hands-down one of the best programs available on television, rivaled only by his other show, Guy’s Grocery Games (Triple G). While perusing Ebay, I found this chef hat Guy signed that says “Keep Cookin’.” It’s got a certificate of authenticity, so you know it’s the real deal. Plus, it’s reasonably priced at just under $100. If someone bought this for me, I would proudly strut my stuff around town wearing it. Ebay, ebay.com, $99.99

Weyes Blood’s Front Row Seat to Earth on Vinyl

Last month Natalie Mering released her fourth full-length under the name Weyes Blood (formerly spelled Weyes Bluhd), Front Row Seat to Earth. With a deep, inky timbre that sounds like Enya moved to Malibu, Mering gently pokes and prods at “the end of days” on her new record like it’s a beached whale baking in the sun. These are the kind of apocalyptic folk songs a mermaid would sing while watching civilization collapse from the sea (she even plays one in her music video for “Seven Words”). Backed by an electro-pop choir, on “Generation Why” Mering sings each letter of the reckless phrase “YOLO” like it’s a sacred rite. Given the coming uncertainty of 2017, Front Row Seat to Earth might just be the perfect soundtrack. Everyday Music, 1313 W Burnside, $19.99

Donation to the American Civil Liberties Union of Oregon

Newsflash: An orange turd and his egg-headed sidekick are headed to the Oval Office in a couple of months, and they want to take away some of our constitutional rights. What better time to donate to the ACLU of Oregon, a non-profit organization dedicated to defending those rights through litigation and lobbying! The ACLU is specifically concerned with maintaining and protecting free speech, voting rights, women’s rights/reproductive freedom, racial justice, prisoner’s rights, LGBTQ rights, immigrants’ rights, and so much more. It’s super badass and important and you should give them your money. All donations made to the Oregon branch are tax deductible and shared with the national foundation. ACLU of Oregon, PO Box 40585, Portland, aclu-or.org, $100

Senior Editor NED LANNAMANN’S Wish List

Beer, and Lots of It

It’s going to be a rough four years, and I’m going to need some beer. A lot of beer. Not to blot away the pain of reality, just enough to dull the senses after a hard day in the trenches fighting the intolerance and obfuscation that are going to be the hallmarks of American society under a Trump presidency. Luckily for you, holiday-gift-giver, Portland’s flagship beer emporium Belmont Station sells gift certificates, and you can buy me one. $50 should be enough to get me through the horrors of the inauguration, but please feel free to tack on more if you’re so obliged. Think gift certificates are chintzy and want to actually lug home some heavy bottles for me? Can’t go wrong with Oregon breweries like pFriem, Double Mountain, the Commons, or Upright. But a gift certificate allows me to pick my own poison, and with other liberties certain to be curtailed, would you deny me this one? Belmont Station, 4500 SE Stark, $50 (or however much you deem appropriate)

The Kinks: The Mono Collection

This lavish box set collects the UK mono versions of the first seven Kinks studio albums on vinyl, from 1964’s breakthrough “You Really Got Me” (on 1964’s Kinks) up to 1969’s opus Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire). Since stereo rock recordings weren’t really a thing until the late ’60s, this is the finest representation of the Kinks’ first string of classics, with an all-analog mastering chain and a deluxe book to go along with it. There’s also a live album and a bonus two-LP set of odds and ends (although not a comprehensive one, sadly—several klassic Kinks B-sides didn’t make the kut). My particular favorite is 1966’s whimsical, quintessentially British Face to Face, although in a box that includes some of the greatest albums in history (Something Else, The Village Green Preservation Society) there’s not a dud in the bunch. The Mono Collection doesn’t actually come out until December 16, but that gives you plenty of time to save up for a copy to put under my tree. Music Millennium, 3158 E Burnside, $199.99

ACME Farms + Kitchen Locavore Boxes

Home-delivered meal kits are all the rage these days, from Blue Apron to Plated to HelloFresh. But Bellingham, Washington-based ACME Farms + Kitchen are located right here in the Pacific Northwest and use small, local producers for their meal boxes, and this past January they began delivering to Portland doorsteps. Various sizes are available, with vegetarian, gluten-free, and paleo options to choose from as well. The best part is that unlike some other services, you don’t have to sign up for a subscription, although you might want to after trying out their Locavore Trial Box ($30), which contains ingredients for a well-rounded meal for four. I’d like for you to get me a Large Locavore Box, competitively priced at $95 and enough food for five meals that can feed three to four. That should be enough to tide me over for two weeks. portland.acmefarmsandkitchen.com, boxes range from $30-155

Really Good Movies

Although Netflix’s original programming is getting better and better, their movie selection has gotten pretty terrible as a result. Thankfully FilmStruck debuted just a couple of weeks ago, and it’s a streaming service curated for appreciators of good film. With access to the impressive catalogs of Turner Classic Movies and the Criterion Collection, Filmstruck’s library is wow-inducing. Sign me up, and I’ll get cracking on Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, in which a grassroots uprising defeats a thieving band of bandits, and Andrei Tarkovsky’s Stalker, a sci-fi parable made under an oppressive regime about the importance of environmentalism. Why would I need to watch these now, you ask? Oh, no reason. filmstruck.com, yearly subscription $99

A Paid Subscription to the Newspaper of Your Choice

I don’t know if you heard about this new president-elect of ours, but he really, really doesn’t like the press. In fact, the Tangerine Nightmare’s campaign was absolutely unprecedented in terms of the barriers it threw up to press access, and his woefully inept transition to office so far hasn’t been any different. What makes this worse is that his racist voting coalition is either tragically gullible or willfully ignorant of the facts: Bogus conservative news sites flourished on social media during the election cycle, with made-up anti-liberal garbage posts circulating online at almost twice the rate of proper, vetted, fact-checked news articles. This sickening reality means that American journalism is in a precarious state, and there’s no better gift to give me, or anyone you give a damn about, than knowledge. While the Portland Mercury is free and will always be, one of the most important gifts you can give this year is to supplement your readership of this fine paper with a paid subscription to a national news outlet that’s also fighting the good fight—the New York Times and Washington Post are at the top of the list—or even a local one, such as Portland’s own Oregonian, which, despite its shortcomings (such as NOT endorsing a presidential nominee for 2016), employs dozens upon dozens of hardworking journalists who keep an eye on the ground level of politics. If you value your freedom, there is no better time than right now to support the press. nytimes.com, washingtonpost.com, oregonlive.com, subscription rates vary

News Editor DIRK VANDERHART’S Wish List

Rose City Rollers 2017 Season Pass

Call it a bandwagon thing if you want, but the only Rose City Rollers bout I’ve ever been to was one of the more enjoyable live sporting events I’ve seen. It’s all in the speed, the grace, and the violence (also: the nachos and beer). So I’m keen on getting down to Oaks Park more often—especially now that the Rollers are international champs for the second year running. This is where you come in. I’m not asking for much, just a season pass for the 2017 season, which includes admission to more than 35 bouts, a framed poster, early admittance to events, 15 percent off merch, and more! I’ll pay for those sweet, sweet ’chos on my own dime. rosecityrollers.com, $275 for a general admission season pass

Lillard McCollum ’16 T-shirt

It’s no secret that the year 2016 has been a particularly odious stain on the tapestry of human progress. We were all sort of slouching toward January 1, hoping that the arbitrary “reset” would offer some relief—and then the election happened. Now we’ve got nothing ’til 2021, at the earliest. Drink the pain away, if you must. As for me, I’ll be searching out the back of the wardrobe, and retreating into a fanciful and imaginary reality of my own invention. To your first two questions: Yes, there will be talking animals, and yes they’ll have a full complement of accents. Help me gird my new world with this tee from Grafletics, which presupposes an existence in which Trail Blazers sharpshooters Damian Lillard and CJ McCollum were on the presidential ticket (and strongly suggests they were victorious). I need this (in medium). We need this. Boys Fort, 902 SW Morrison, grafletics.com, $28

Oregon Garden Art Rain Chain

Lately I’ve been increasingly taken with the notion of rain as an accessory. They say we’re heading into a La Niña year, and that means it’ll be colder and wetter than normal. I want that frigidity to look good trickling down my living space. So get me a rain chain! Oregon Garden Art in Coos Bay offers a beautiful copper-colored number, dotted occasionally by little locally made stoneware bowls. It’s a big step up from the garish and suffocating downspouts my home has at present, and I’ll bet it even makes a nice tinkling sound in the middle of particularly nasty drenchings. Beautiful. oregongardenart.com, $132.99 for nine feet

The Portland Press

I’m as dismissive as you are of the twee, too-expensive artisanal trinkets that line the shelves of Portland’s ever expanding empire of boutiques. I’m also fast approaching Honoré de Balzac-levels of debilitating coffee addiction, which overrides all other concerns. So I’m asking for this twee, too-expensive, but cool idea: a well made French press that attaches to any wide-mouth mason jar. The Portland Press is the brainchild of two Portlanders, and it’s made locally. More importantly, when your first jar inevitably chips or cracks, it’s easy to find another. Balzac killed himself with coffee, and I like to think he’d have used the Portland Press, were he alive today. bucketpdx.com, $79

The Swagway X1

Damn it, Portland, you won’t stop marching. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m fine with that—supportive even. We’ve all got to fight a Trump presidency in our own ways. It’s just: I’m a reporter, and what you’re doing is newsworthy, and so your desire to walk quickly becomes my mandate to walk, which is hardly fair. It was on either my third or fourth pass of City Hall during a recent anti-Trump rally that a solution struck: a hoverboard! These bad boys aren’t as expensive as they were in their heyday a year ago, and when’s the last time you read about one exploding? It’s been weeks, right? Can we agree, then, that the dangers have abated, and that what we’re left with is a practical means of urban transportation that allows me to DO MY JOB with minimal effort? Do your part for a vital democracy and pick me up the Swagway X1, which I like purely because of its name. Black would be great. Swagtron.com, $299.99

Senior Editor MEGAN BURBANK’s Wish List

Rejected LaCroix (“Male Tears”) Print by Kate Bingaman-Burt

I’m turning 30 in April, and though I still get carded ALL THE TIME, I’m hoping to stay youthful as I say farewell to this past foolish, beautiful decade of young adulthood. How will I continue to look like a vampire who got bitten at 17-and-a-half? By drinking the tears of men, of course! And local artist/beating heart of the design community Kate Bingaman-Burt has the perfect print for this: “Male Tears,” part of her beautiful Rejected LaCroix series, which combines two of my great joys in life—ardent misandry and lightly flavored seltzer—into a jaunty, blue-hued image of the most delicious drink I can imagine. I’d like one for the office and one for home, please. We’ll need refreshments as we place our hexes on Steve Bannon. Buy Olympia/Land Gallery, 3925 N Mississippi, buyolympia.com, $18

A Wrinkle in Time: 50th Anniversary Edition by Madeleine L’Engle

After our awful president-elect squeaked into office through a vestige of slavery called the Electoral College, despite Hillary Clinton’s handy popular vote win, I cried, donated to abortion funds, called my mom, ate and drank and ran and shopped my feelings, and found some very real comfort in re-reading books from my childhood featuring smart girl protagonists battling the forces of evil. Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time is one of the best in this genre, with special resonance because I identified strongly with Meg Murray when my mom read it to me as a kid. (We have the same name AND poor attitude, she is me!) Plus it’s now available in a gorgeous 50th-anniversary edition, featuring sparkly retro cover art. Join me in my book club! We need our heroines now more than ever. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, $20.85

Bridge and Burn Flannel Bird Shirt

Local badass women’s clothing company Wildfang makes the best shirts. Their house line Ultimate Short-Sleeve Button Up is a dream for those of us with long torsos and the style goal of dressing like an androgynous French pop star from the 1960s. I’m slowly collecting this menswear-inspired treasure in every available color. But when it’s dark at 4 pm and I need an outfit to wear while I read my true-crime stories on the couch and drink whiskey with black tea and do what I do every day, Pinky—plot to destroy the patriarchy—only a long-sleeved flannel will do. I want this one, from local clothing company Bridge and Burn. Get it for me. Wildfang, 404 SW 10th & 1230 SE Grand, $108

A donation to the Network for Reproductive Options or the CAIR Project in my name (or Mike Pence’s!)

It’s not a secret that I love Hillary Clinton and wanted her to be president, so the first question friends and family asked in the days following the election was if I was okay. I wasn’t. None of us were. But the next question they asked made me feel a little bit better: “What can I do?”

One of the things I think we should all be doing to resist the sexist, racist ignoramus the majority of voters didn’t support is to give as much money as we possibly can to organizations that advocate for reproductive rights at the state and national levels, and not to forget abortion funds, which will likely bear the financial cost of Mike Pence and Donald Trump’s promised gutting of Roe v. Wade. Dismantling Obamacare—which made birth control unprecedentedly accessible through obliterating copays for it—will also likely result in more unintended pregnancies. America is already an abortion-hostile country, where the procedure is routinely inaccessible, requiring women who need it to pay out of pocket for incredibly expensive procedures, or cross state lines to see a provider. Abortion funds fill in the gaps in access by helping out with the costs of the procedure and related expenses, like travel and hotel stays. The Network for Reproductive Options and the CAIR Project are two local abortion funds. They need our help, and they’re going to need more of it over the next four years. Please give. Network for Reproductive Options, nroptions.org, the CAIR Project, cairproject.org, $1000 (c’mon, this is a WISH list)

The Elimination of the Electoral College

No joke: When my mom recently asked me what I wanted for Christmas, this is what I said. Previous impractical intangibles I have asked for: admission to the graduate school program of my choice and for Barack Obama to win the 2008 election. I got both of them, so why not this? Despite excited chatter about faithless electors, the route to eliminating the Electoral College is boring, wonky, and will take a long time if it happens at all, but it may be possible through something called the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact, a bill individual state legislatures can pass saying they’ll give their electoral college votes to the winner of the popular vote. Once states totaling 270 electoral college votes sign on, the loophole that handed the presidency to popular-vote losers Donald Trump and George W. Bush will be closed. Just so we’re clear, this is not an instant fix and we should not pin our progressive hopes and dreams on it—it doesn’t even go into effect until the 270 goal is reached. That said, 11 states totaling 165 votes have signed onto the compact, and Oregon isn’t one of them. Given that we’re one of the states screwed over by the apportioning of electoral votes, I think we should be. It’s all I really want for Christmas. FREE, contact your state legislators at oregonlegislature.gov