Jay-Z
As I look at the swath of ridiculously affordable seats still available for Jay-Z’s “4:44” tour on Ticketmaster, I’m gonna assume Portlanders aren’t familiar with just how monumental Sean Carter’s career has been. Let me guess: You haven’t gotten around to listening to 4:44 yet—you’re too broke to afford Tidal, too lazy, or simply don’t care—and in any case you’re mad at Hov for needlessly putting Queen Bey through hell. While that’s totally valid, 4:44 is the Brooklyn rapper’s most honest, “conscious” masterpiece yet. And I mean, for god’s sake: This is the man who gave us “Big Pimpin’,” “Hard Knock Life,” “Run this Town,” “99 Problems,” and “Public Service Announcement”—just a few of roughly 30 hits he’ll be performing on Thursday. So take it from someone who’s seen him in concert twice: Snatch a ticket and go watch a true master take the Portland stage for the first time in over a decade. It’d be great if Portland didn’t have a stereotypically lame turnout, especially when there’s a possibility Beyoncé will be—HALP! Someone hand me a paper bag to breathe into! JENNI MOORE
8 pm, Moda Center, $27-723
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
The number of reasons to check out The Last Jedi are equal to the millions of dollars it’s sure to earn: What fresh insanity will writer/director Rian Johnson inject into this 40 year-old film series? What cranky, scruffy wonders will Mark Hamill unleash as Old Man Skywalker? Will Rey turn to the dark side? All great questions. But the best reason to hit the theater? This is the final performance of Hollywood legend Carrie Fisher, and you’d be silly to pass up indulging a treasure that rich if you had the opportunity. BOBBY ROBERTS
Various Theaters, see Movie Times for showtimes and locations
The Mountain Goats
Life doesn’t have many hard-and-fast rules, but here is one of them: Never pass up a chance to see the Mountain Goats. John Darnielle has been killing it in the literary scene the past few years (if you haven’t already, hit Powell’s and pick up his acclaimed, haunting novels Wolf in White Van and Universal Harvester), but the best way to be thrilled and moved by his clever, melancholy tales is to hear him sing them into a microphone over guitar and drums—not many bands are this smart, and not many bands are this fun to see live. Plus, all proceeds benefit the nonprofit Oregon Institute for Creative Research. ERIK HENRIKSEN
John Mulaney
With the Broadway run of his Oh, Hello show with Nick Kroll in the rearview, writer and comedian John Mulaney has wasted no time in getting back to his stand-up roots. There are few greater joys in life than watching Mulaney’s childlike sense of wonder fuel his vivid storytelling and absurd observational comedy, and if his first three specials are any indication, the “Kid Gorgeous” tour could be the funniest thing you’ll see all year. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
7 pm, 10 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $25-35
Lil Jon
A crunk-ass Christmas party from the only elf in all the land with the bonafides to host such a thing. YAYUHH
8 pm, Trio Club, $20-1000
Sheetlejuice
Ru Paul’s Drag Race season six winner Bianca Del Rio and writer/director Peaches Christ present their drag stage show parody of Beetlejuice live at the Aladdin Theater.
7 pm, Aladdin Theater, $40-120
Charlie Parr, John Mark Nelson
It’s hard to believe that country blues guitarist Charlie Parr is a modern-day musician from Duluth, Minnesota, but it’s certainly encouraging that musicians like him still exist. The accomplished guitarist (and doppelganger for Cheech) is seemingly unaffected by our image-driven musical age, his weapons of choice being a resonator guitar, an acoustic 12-string, a fretless banjo, and a husky mid-range voice that complements his plucking. Parr will restore your faith that there are still musicians who don’t need eyeliner or a laptop, but just want to play a mean guitar. ROSE FINN
8 pm, Mississippi Studios, $15-17
Alice Merton, SYML
2017’s December to Remember gets a strong shot of some classy dance pop from Europe’s Alice Merton with support from Seattle’s SYML.
8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $17
Queer Horror: Batman Returns
Carla Rossi celebrates Queer Horror’s first birthday and the Christmas season by presenting Batman Returns, a film that checks the “horror” box with the presence of Danny DeVito’s grotesque, bilious Penguin, and fits under Queer Horror’s women-centric focus through the landmark performance of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. Batman’s (kinda) in the movie too, as the idealized self-insertion of director Tim Burton, which makes for a fairly inaccurate traditional adaptation of the character, but a fucking fascinating examination of the neuroses and fetishes that fuel one of cinema’s most famous Disney dropouts. BOBBY ROBERTS
8:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre
Don’t forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!