THURSDAY, APRIL 28

8:00 FOX THE O.C. Sandy and the boys travel to "Leisure World" to visit Grandma Nana (and get their geriatric freak on).

9:00 WB MOBILE HOME DISASTER Finally, an extreme makeover show for those who need it most: hillbillies and their trailer homes!

FRIDAY, APRIL 29

6:30 MTV2 WONDER SHOWZEN Season Finale! Tune in for what the creators are calling, "our most despicable episode ever."

8:00 FOX SPIDER-MAN--Movie (2002) Teenager gets bitten by radioactive spider and develops weird powers. (Which doesn't work--I've tried.)

SATURDAY, APRIL 30

8:00 ABC HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE--Movie (2001) Teen gets popular by engaging in witchcraft. (Which doesn't work--I've tried.)

10:00 COM SOUTH PARK Back to back episodes where the titles say it all: "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina," and "Die, Hippie, Die!"

SUNDAY, MAY 1

9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Gabrielle throws her prison-bound hubby a going away party--complete with soap-dropping male strippers!

9:00 FOX FAMILY GUY Series Return! Brand new episodes of the series I don't remember asking for (followed by the even crappier debut of American Dad).

MONDAY, MAY 2

9:00 FOX 24 When President Logan goes all chickenshit on the terrorists, ex-Prez Palmer steps in to save the day!

TUESDAY, MAY 3

9:00 UPN VERONICA MARS Finally! Veronica puts finding lost puppies on hold to investigate who drugged and assaulted her last year!

10:00 FX THE SHIELD Vic and the newly reformed Strike Team get back to doing what they do best: busting heads and stealing drugs.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4

8:00 ABC LOST Boone's funeral is ruined when the castaways get into a fistfight!

9:00 ABC ALIAS When Syd discovers her dad has been hiding the fact that he's dying, she threatens to kill him.