BABYLON A.D.
Vin Diesel’s latest sci-fi opus wasn’t screened for anyone ahead of time, and in a recent interview, the film’s disgruntled director, Mathieu Kassovitz, admitted “I’m very unhappy with the film.” Blaming studio interference from Twentieth Century Fox, Kassovitz says the version of Babylon A.D. being released is “pure violence and stupidity.” “The movie is supposed to teach us that the education of our children will mean the future of our planet,” Kassovitz told AMC.com. “All the action scenes had a goal: They were supposed to be driven by either a metaphysical point of view or experience for the characters… instead parts of the movie are like a bad episode of 24.” Whoa. Various Theaters.
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED
Director Julian Jarrold was last responsible for the nauseating Becoming Jane, and at first, it looks as though he’s going to handle Brideshead just as clumsily. This film, like Evelyn Waugh’s book, is told from the perspective of Charles Ryder (slightly-too-old Matthew Goode), an upper-middle class striver completely out of his depth—but the filmmakers don’t do enough to remind us that Charles is our narrator. The voiceovers are scarce, the cinematography (by Jess Hall) is square and pompous when it should be dazzling, and the score (by Adrian Johnston) thunders when it should be stricken with awe. Still, the acting is more nuanced than the screenplay for Becoming Jane ever allowed. Soon we’re sucked in to the life of poor, desirous Charles, who goes up to Oxford to read history and finds himself fraternizing with a flaming creature named Sebastian Flyte (Ben Whishaw), whose idea of fun is snacking on plover eggs gathered by hand at his ancestral home; lecturing his teddy bear, Aloysius; and getting roaring drunk before noon. Unfortunately, the film doesn’t linger at Oxford for long, and the remaining point on the love triangle—Sebastian’s sister, Julia (Hayley Atwell)—is always present, but only fleetingly interesting. ANNIE WAGNER Hollywood Theatre.
CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: DELIRIUM
“Everything in Cirque du Soleil is wet and French and gay and on fire at the same time.”–Patton Oswalt Cinetopia.
COLLEGE
A new “outrageous comedy” that was, apparently, too outrageous to be shown to critics, College follows three high school seniors who visit a college campus. Shenanigans with frat boys and sorority girls ensue. Various Theaters.
CONSTANTINE’S SWORD
Oren Jacoby’s documentary Constantine’s Sword, based on James Carroll’s 2001 book, is a contrived look at, basically, why Christians hate Jews. A former Catholic priest, Carroll has tried to examine this issue through way too many historic and current examples, and just when you think the film could go in an interesting direction—such as when Carroll examines how mega churches in Colorado Springs try to recruit converts from the local Air Force academy, or when the film takes a look at the connection between the papal hierarchy and the Third Reich—Carroll inevitably takes it back to his own self-importance, leaving the viewer wanting something more that doesn’t involve him. CARLY NAIRN Hollywood Theatre.
DEATH RACE
Brutal and loud and silly and gory and full of big explosions and even bigger breasts, Death Race is the sort of movie that people who don’t like to enjoy themselves will cite as evidence of our shrinking attention spans, or of the spillover of reality TV onto movie screens, or of the demise of cinema as an art form. But there’s another way of looking at Death Race, too: Sure, it might be all of the above things, but it’s also really fucking fun. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
DIRTY DANCING
Practice your lifts and turns! Dirty Dancing graces the patio screen at Plan B tonight, part of the summer Sinerama series. After Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey knock the socks off the crowd at Kellerman’s, push back the bar’s picnic tables and get ready to show off your own moves when the DJ starts spinning. And remember: Nobody puts Baby in the corner. AMY J. RUIZ Plan B.
DISASTER MOVIE
Another “comedy” from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, AKA the dipshit fuckheads behind Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, Date Movie, and Scary Movies 1-4. Not screened in time for press, for some bizarre reason, but hit portlandmercury.com on Friday, August 29 for our review. Various Theaters.
ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD
Gorgeous and melancholy and surreal, Encounters is the result of director Werner Herzog’s trip to Antarctica, where the National Science Foundation sent him to interview the brave, strange souls who work at the remote McMurdo research station, and explore the unforgiving, alien landscapes that stretch out around that tiny speck of civilization. Herzog’s charmingly gloomy voiceover floats over cinematographer Peter Zeitlinger’s stunning visuals of Antarctic volcanoes and the otherworldly ocean ecosystems that thrive underneath thick shelves of ice, and the filmmaker’s usual mopey reflections set a tone that’s at once uplifting and somber (he calls the Antarctic “a seemingly endless void” at the film’s outset, and things only get more cheery from there). It’s nothing short of astonishing. ERIK HENRIKSEN Hollywood Theatre.
THE FALL
If contemporary kids’ movies are to be believed, children’s imaginations are glib, computer-generated videogame-scapes, full of skateboarding giraffes and wisecracking sea turtles. Alongside Guillermo del Toro’s recent Pan’s Labyrinth, Tarsem Singh’s The Fall refuses to countenance this candy-coated version of a child’s brain—taking us instead to a darker and far more interesting place. ALISON HALLETT Laurelhurst Theater.
FORBIDDEN PLANET
The 1956 sci-fi classic! Living Room Theaters.
THE FREE FORM FILM FESTIVAL
As one might predict, a sampler of the submissions that constitute the experimental Free Form Film Festival is a stoner’s banquet of psychedelic odes to Star Wars‘ Emperor Palpatine, cat-centric psycho-dramas, and the expected hits ‘n’ misses from a bag of mixed-nut film hacks. With YouTube looming threateningly over the longevity and relevance of the underground film festival circuit, these events emphasize the importance of a strong curatorial eye. That eye behind the Free Form fest isn’t heavyweight-strong, but I wouldn’t pick it last for the team, either. MARJORIE SKINNER Rererato.
HAMLET 2
In Hamlet 2, the ordinarily very funny Steve Coogan (Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge, 24 Hour Party People) plays Dana Marschz, a loser whose dreams of being an actor have given way to becoming a lousy high school theater teacher. Marschz is so dull that his wife (Catherine Keener) begs him to start drinking again, even though he’s a recovering alcoholic. Anyway, when the school threatens to cut the drama program, Marschz writes a play and casts his rough-and-tumble students. The play—a sequel to Shakespeare’s Hamlet that features Jesus and a time machine—is astonishingly bad, but it quickly becomes a lightning rod of controversy. Hamlet 2 is appealingly off-kilter, but it feels choppy, like large segments ended up on the cutting room floor, and the film doesn’t do Coogan justice. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters.
THE HOUSE BUNNY
Produced by Adam Sandler, The House Bunny stars Anna Faris as an idiot savant/Playboy Playmate who becomes house mother to a sorority that’s full of freaky weirdos. (Except for one played by Superbad‘s Emma Stone, who is so freaking adorable I can’t even stand it.) The House Bunny is about as formulaic as it comes, ripping off Revenge of the Nerds and Animal House, and probably because it’s written by the team behind Legally Blonde, it reeks of that film’s ditzy lead character, too. Still, in terms of Adam Sandler-related comedies, I guess The House Bunny is more Happy Gilmore than You Don’t Mess with the Zohan—which basically means this movie is pretty enjoyable, especially if you are approximately 19 to 22 years old and/or a wee bit high. KIALA KAZEBEE Various Theaters.
IN SEARCH OF A MIDNIGHT KISS
It’s New Year’s Eve—probably the worst night of the year to be alone—so sad-sack Wilson (Scoot McNairy) lets his friends talk him into posting a Craigslist ad with the hopes that he’ll find a tongue-wrestling partner before midnight. He meets Vivian (Sara Simmonds), who’s crazy, confrontational, and kind of a bitch—but she’s totally hot, and definitely interesting. She and Wilson spend the hours before midnight getting to know each other as they wander through downtown LA, which is shot in wistful but unpretentious black and white. Writer/director Alex Holdridge’s Midnight Kiss is a simple, funny date movie that won’t make the men in the audience want to slit their wrists; sidestepping the standard chick-flick bubble bath, it feels both romantic and real. NED LANNAMANN Hollywood Theatre.
KABLUEY
I feel sorry for the “quirky” film genre: It’s taken such a drubbing over the last few years that it might be impossible for an even slightly flawed example to succeed. Writer/director Scott Prendergast’s Kabluey is a likeable, if not loveable, case in point of the browbeaten genre, with its sunny, oddball characters and over-arching need to make the audience laugh. Doltish slacker Salman (Prendergast) moves in with his sister-in-law (Lisa Kudrow) to help take care of her two hellion kids, because her husband is fighting in Iraq. Salman gets a part-time job with a corporation as their flier-distributing mascot—a huge, bubble-headed blue blob—and he’s driven out to a barren wasteland every day to stand by the side of the road, where he holes up for hours and watches cars go by, his fliers blowing in the wind. With a semi-star cast and a general, amiable aesthetic, Kabluey is a decent bet for those of you who can still stand a bit of whimsy rammed down your windpipe. COURTNEY FERGUSON Living Room Theaters.
THE LAST MISTRESS
See review. Cinema 21.
THE LONGSHOTS
Not screened for critics, this family dramedy has Ice Cube playing a former football star who teaches his 11-year-old niece how to play the game. Also, it is based on a true story. Also, it was directed by the one and only Fred Durst. GHAYAHA BRAIN EXPLODING Various Theaters.
LOVE COMES LATELY
A film based on short stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer, and also a film that was not screened for critics. Living Room Theaters.
ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW
Portland filmmaker/performance artist/writer Miranda July’s 2005 film Me and You and Everyone We Know is built on an eclectic script that captures a handful of awkward moments between humans. While it’s strange and artsy, the film is also quietly hilarious, making it the only movie with instant message poop jokes to ever win the Cam éra d’Or at Cannes. SM Broadway Metroplex.
MIRRORS
A horror flick starring Kiefer Sutherland as a disgraced alcoholic cop, in which Drunky McShootsalot discovers that eeeeevil entities are entering our world through—wait for it—bathroom mirrors. Not screened for critics, thankfully. Century Clackamas Town Center, Century Eastport 16, Cornelius Stadium Cinemas.
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR
Two very long hours of CG wankery, wherein skeleton soldiers fight an obscene amount of clay warriors, while the actors unsuccessfully try to look like they’re epically involved in the blue-screen battle. But all is not completely lost in this stale popcorn flick—remember Tomb of the Dragon‘s secret weapons, AKA Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li, who prove that it’s not such a bad idea to put lipstick on a pig. But even their great (albeit short-lived) fight scene can’t save the film from an overall feeling of “meh.” COURTNEY FERGUSON Various Theaters.
MY PRETTY PORTLAND
See Portland! Film! Party!. Art Institute of Portland.
A NIGHT WITH FRANK ZAPPA
A classic Frank Zappa concert, recorded live in Stockholm in 1973. Clinton Street Theater.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
Pineapple Express is a hilarious throwback to goofy, low-budget ’80s comedies and action flicks, plus everything Cheech and Chong have ever done. It also boasts a jaw-droppingly great performance by James Franco, and this is a sentence I never thought I’d type. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
THE ROCKER
Bitter, developmentally stunted drummer Rob “Fish” Fishman (Rainn Wilson) gets a second chance when his teenage nephew’s band loses their drummer, and soon he’s hanging out with the kids: the schlubby nephew, the brooding pretty-boy singer/songwriter, and the cute indie-chick bass player, all of whom are effortlessly likeable. Transcending its School of Rock premise, The Rocker is cute and goofy fun, with a few smart laughs and plenty of stupid ones. If a few shot-to-the-groin jokes don’t bother you, The Rocker just might have you raising your fist in the air. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters.
ROLL BOUNCE
Don’t let the whole “rapper-turned-actor starring in a movie about roller disco” thing fool you. Roll Bounce is actually a smart, sweet film, and Bow Wow is super cute! SAHAR BAHARLOO McCoy Park.
THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2
The cinematic equivalent of simultaneously experiencing PMS, menopause, and postpartum depression. ALISON HALLETT Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing, Century Clackamas Town Center.
SIXTEEN CANDLES & THE BREAKFAST CLUB
Settle the debate over whether The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles is the best movie of the ’80s, with both of the John Hughes flicks playing back to back. Also, don’t forget to wait for the awkward shift in the lefty atmosphere every time Long Duk Dong comes onscreen. MS Clinton Street Theater.
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
Delving into the creatively bankrupt timeframe that he’s already exhausted with Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, executive producer George Lucas has assigned director Dave Filoni with inventing a plot in the middle of a story that everybody already knows. The awkward results: Jabba the Hutt’s son gets kidnapped, and Jedi Knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi (along with Anakin’s chirpy new apprentice, Ahsoka) are tasked with the rescue. There are rumblings about how this huttnapping affects the overall fate of the galaxy, but none of it really matters; The Clone Wars‘ creative team is more interested in exactly how goddamn annoying they can make the warbling tadpole that is Jabba’s son (tragically, he’s referred to as a “huttlet”), or how many dumbshit nicknames they can come up with (Skywalker becomes “Sky Guy,” R2-D2 is “Artooey”), or how they can try to cover up the obvious fact that The Clone Wars is just the first three episodes of the upcoming TV show, clumsily glued together. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
TRAITOR
See review. Various Theaters.
TRANSSIBERIAN
See review. Fox Tower 10.
TROPIC THUNDER
Ben Stiller plays Tugg Speedman, a depressed, lonely action star whose best years are well behind him. Meanwhile, Jack Black is Jeff Portnoy, a maniacal drug addict/actor who’s best known for movies like The Fatties Fart 2, and Robert Downey Jr. dons blackface as Kirk Lazarus, an award-winning white method actor who, while playing a black man, can’t break character. Ever. The three are on location in Vietnam, filming an adaptation of a memoir by war veteran Four Leaf Tayback (Nick Nolte, with hooks for hands, literally) that’s being directed by some British guy (the ordinarily marvelous Steve Coogan, whose sole qualification for this job is an English accent). They’re all watched over by an overweight, disgustingly hairy bulldog of a studio exec who’s so foul that you can practically see stink lines wafting off the screen. Tom Cruise plays the studio exec. If you can’t tell already, there’s entirely too much going on here: Tropic Thunder wants to be a comedy and a slam-bang action ride, but the violence is too grisly to be funny, and the concepts keep folding in on each other. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters.
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Woody Allen’s three previous movies took place in London, and it seems he’s finally left Manhattan behind altogether. Vicky Cristina Barcelona functions well as a fluffy bit of tourism, but even more so than as a Spanish travelogue, the movie works—as with much of Allen’s work—as escapism into the world of mysteriously wealthy people. As for the much-ballyhooed kiss between Scarlett Johansson and Penélope Cruz, it’s pretty tame. The real fire comes from Cruz’s performance; she’s riveting and hilarious as a passionate, possibly insane firebrand, and whenever she shares the screen with Johansson, it’s easy to forget that Johansson has all the charisma of a wet paper bag. NED LANNAMANN Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Center 10 Cinema.
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE
If you’re feeling nostalgic for the series, do yourself a favor and rent a few seasons of The X-Files on DVD. If you still have any fond feelings toward the franchise, it’s unlikely that they’ll survive the first 10 minutes of this film. ALISON HALLETT Laurelhurst Theater.