Oh, poor Ian Lafferty (Josh Zuckerman). Like so many kids stuck in the rigid formula of teen sex comedies, he desperately wants to "get his nut." But standing in Ian's way is 500 miles of open road, a nonstop parade of wacky hijinks gone wrong, and his ever-looming virginity. Welcome to Sex Drive, which might as well be named Losin' It 2008, or American Pie VIII: Stifler's Revenge.

It's all pretty much the same.

After meeting a girl online, Lafferty—a desperate high school loser who's just one piping hot fuckable pie away from being the new Jason Biggs—steals his homophobic brother's muscle car and heads from suburban Chicago to Knoxville in order to lose his virginity south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Woo-hoo! Along for the ride are his girl-next-door crush Felicia (Amanda Crew—the new Jennifer Love Hewitt!), and his best friend Lance (Clark Duke, who resembles a troll).

Along the way, the teens cross paths with a group of Amish—since the producers never saw Kingpin—fresh off rumspringa and ready to par-tay. Cue the gratuitous boob shots, jokes about technology, and a barn-rockin' cameo by Fall Out Boy (it truly is the devil's playground). From there, Lafferty & Co. continue south, narrowly avoiding a bathroom glory hole (OMG! That is so gay!), the dangling testicles of a redneck in a trailer (OMG! That is so gay!), a prison scene complete with rape jokes (OMG! That is so gay!), and learning some true life lessons about friendship and love along the way (OMG! That is so gay!).

While Sex Drive has its redeeming moments—Seth Green is excellent as a smart-ass Amish car enthusiast—the movie is pretty much the same old teenage virginity-losing mad scramble. But, alas, right on the cusp of taking a trip to the boneyard, the protagonist realizes that there are more important things in this world than laying pipe, and thus a Life Lesson is learned. But, much like the real thing, it all ends up feeling awkward and regrettable in the end.