THOR: RAGNAROK Cue a million nerds googling Ragnarok.
  • THOR: RAGNAROK Cue a million nerds frantically googling "Ragnarök."

Marvel did a big, Apple-style PR event today, where everybody thought they were going to trot out Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange but nope! Instead they just told everyone on the planet what movies they'll all be obligated to watch from now until 2019, a point in time that is so far in the future that the world will probably have ended by then. Sorry, Inhumans!

The lineup, all of which comes after this spring's Avengers: Age of Ultron and this summer's Ant-Man:

May 2016: Captain America: Civil War—I rewatched Captain America: The Winter Soldier the other night and man that movie's great. If Laura Poitra's Citizenfour and Glenn Greenwald's No Place to Hide are the definitive accounts of the Edward Snowden leaks, Winter Soldier is the louder, explodier, funnier expression of the popular reaction to those leaks. Civil War will pit Captain America against Iron Man in what I imagine will be an extension of those themes, but with Robert Downey Jr. wisecracks. Okay!

November 2016: Doctor Strange—He'll be played by Benedict Cumberbatch! OR WILL HE??? (I hope that while Marvel's PR stunt was going on, Cumberbatch was in a bar a few blocks away, knocking back shots with Joaquin Phoenix.)

May 2017: Guardians of the Galaxy 2—Marvel's most recent hit still hasn't landed at Portland's beer theaters—that's how good it's still doing in first-run. The only person who doesn't like this movie is the Mercury's own Dirk VanderHart, which means we all have another reason to boo at Dirk. BOOOOOOO, DIRK! BOOOOOO!

July 2017: Thor: Ragnarok—Maybe it's their science-fantasy tone or maybe it's my man-crush on Chris Hemsworth, but so far, the Thor movies might be my favorites of the Marvel movies. They aren't even the best, they've just got the best vibe to them. I realize I am alone in feeling this way, but fuck you guys, I'm stoked for more Thor.

November 2017: Black Panther—Hey, look, a big-budget superhero movie starring a black person! (Specifically, 42 and Get On Up's Chadwick Boseman.) About time! As I have never read any Black Panther comics, I assume that his super power is that he is very, very sneaky.

May 2018: Avengers: Infinity War (Part I) You like your Avengers movies, huh? Well, get ready for more of them, because this isn't even it.

July 2018: Captain Marvel—Portland writer Kelly Sue DeConnick is currently helming the Captain Marvel comic, and has established quite a fanbase for the character; this'll be Marvel's first (and loooooong-awaited) film starring a female superhero. Naturally, I was hoping DeConnick would be writing this thing, but it looks like she was as surprised as anybody.


November 2018: Inhumans—The Inhumans are like a crappier version of the X-Men—but unlike the X-Men, their movie rights aren't owned by one of Marvel's competing studios! So we're getting an Inhumans movie, which will probably be like a crappy X-Men movie, because no one knows or cares about the Inhumans. Then again, a while ago I probably would have said the same thing about Guardians of the Galaxy, and look what that turned into.

May 2019: Avengers: Infinity War (Part II)—More Avengers, more Avengers, Avengers all the goddamn time. It's hard not to think that this one (or the first part of Infinity War) will feature a markedly different team of Avengers—likely some of the Guardians of the Galaxy, maybe, or any of the other characters Marvel's introducing between now and 2018. Swapping in new Avengers saves Marvel money, and Marvel likes nothing more than saving money.

DC still has all of their stuff coming out too—Batman v. Superman, two Justice Leagues, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, etc.—which means that if you were hoping this superhero cinema fad was going to fade anytime soon, well... sorry. It'll be a while yet until you can stop rolling your eyes at me every time I get overly excited about how much Captain America hates the NSA.