ERIK: Sweet! We just got back from Miami Vice, the big screen update of our favorite TV show ever, and the movie we’ve been most excited for all summer. No—for all of our lives.
ADAM: Yeah, we’ve seen it! Before you! Which makes us… which makes us gods.
ERIK: Indeed. So Adam—did it live up to your expectations?
ADAM: My expectations have been blown awa—
ERIK: IT WAS AWESOME! How do we fit all of Miami Vice‘s awesomeness into a mere 400 words? It’s times like these that I ask myself: What would Crockett do?
ADAM: What would Tubbs do?
ERIK: They’d get to the point. They don’t fuck around. So Adam, what did you like about the movie?
ADAM: Where do I start? White supremacists getting shot in the face, how it was really, really violent, the gun battles, and—of course—the go-fast boats!
ERIK: I see your points—but as we’ve already labeled this a “point/counterpoint” debate, I suppose I should counter one of them. So: True, there was much riding around in these “go-fast boats”… yet I believe on the Miami Vice TV show, they were called “cigarette boats.” Why the change?
ADAM: It’s because we’re not as smart as we used to be in the ’80s. Also, smoking’s bad. Look what it did to Don Johnson.
ERIK: Okay, here’s what I liked: I liked how it was really pretty, I liked how the Phil Collins song from the TV show played over the end credits, I liked when Tubbs was like “Let’s take it to the limit—one more time.”
ADAM: You know what I didn’t like? Socks. There are socks, on feet, everywhere in this movie. You never saw socks in the TV show! And Don Johnson only shows up in three scenes—
ERIK: Liar! He doesn’t show up at all. Which is what I hated about this movie. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx were alright as Crockett and Tubbs, I guess, but they were no Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas!
ADAM: Yes, but who is?
ERIK: Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas! So why weren’t they in it!?
ADAM: Cigarettes. Cigarettes killed them. Moving on, I thought the film was really intelligently stylized. With most scenes shot at sunset and all the color palette electric and neon and dusky, the cinematography was truly—
ERIK: Wait—what? Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas are dead? Weird. Anyway, should we recommend Miami Vice to those poor bastards who haven’t seen it yet?
ADAM: I think people should take it to the limit—one more time. Hop in your go-fast boat to see Miami Vice!
ERIK: Or, as I will be calling it from here on out, Miami NICE! Is there anything else we should throw in?
ADAM: Yes. Miami Vice is awesome.
ERIK: Yes. AWESOME!
