HEY SEXY PEOPLE! The new trailer for HUMP!—America’s sweetest amateur porn festival—is HERE… and we may need to talk. Sure, I see beautiful, erotic bodies of all shapes, sizes, and gender having lots of old-fashioned (and new-fashioned) sexy times. I see latex, riding crops, sweet kisses, stunned reactions, gas masks, googly eyes, and battery cables. However I ALSO SEE A GOAT. (But don’t worry, I’m sure there’s a very good explanation. So get your tickets now for HUMP! 2018 coming at you and on you from November 8-17!)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)