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In 1987, writers Shane Black and Fred Dekker teamed up to create a nonsensical, ugly little adventure about a team of outcast misfits determined to kill monsters. The outcasts—and the film’s intended audience—were children. Unfortunately, Black’s unique talents (Lethal Weapon, The Nice Guys) don’t lend well to family movies, and the resulting mess, The Monster Squad, was rightfully forgotten by everyone except the sort of snot-nosed dipshit kid who’d say, “Yeah, The Goonies was okay, but it really coulda used more casual homophobia.”

In 2018, Black and Dekker (ha!) have reunited to write a new adventure about a makeshift monster squad—but this time, instead of foul-mouthed kids, it’s foul-mouthed grownups, and instead of Dracula and the Wolfman (DID YOU KNOW: The Wolfman’s got nards!), it’s Predators!

Bobby Roberts is one of the Portland Mercury's calendar editors, as well as one of its film and pop-culture critics. His past career choices included joining corporate broadcast radio just in time for...