The Mercury music staff office: where men with Hitler mustaches confidently read the newspaper.
  • The Mercury music staff office: where men with Hitler mustaches confidently read the newspaper.

Hello. We’re looking for an intern. But not just any intern, we are seeking a music intern. Unlike other editorial word slaves, we won’t bother you with requests to see that one Carlos Mencia movie that none of us want to see, write reviews of interpretive dance troupes, or act as a Cockney-to-English translator for Matt Davis. Nope, you will be strictly devoted to the music section.

What does this internship require?
– There will be some mild calendar entry (boring), music blogging (exciting), talking about music (exciting), and listening to me talk about music (boring).
– You will probably be asked to contribute to our non-award winning weekly publication.
– You will probably be asked to contribute to End Hits, our non-award winning music blog.
– You will not be paid. Sorry.
– You will get free music, concerts, and the ability to silently judge others based solely on their (poor) taste in music. This is totally priceless.
– You will get published clips for your future career as a writer. (Career tip: Get used to hearing “you will not be paid.”)
– You will get school credit. That is, if your school gives credit for such things.
– You will work in an office that includes both electricity and running water. (Work hours only, please.)

Wow, I can think of nothing better, what do you require of me?
– You can form a sentence. (Hell, if you can form a sentence, I should be working for you.)
– You can come in to our office at least one day a week.
– Previously published clips are not required, but they sure are nice. If you don’t have them, worry not.
– You know about local music. Do you go to local shows? Do you know Red Fang from White Fang? Pancake Breakfast from Breakfast Mountain?

I am still reading this post, that means I must be interested.
– Excellent. Please send any clips—or, let’s say 100 words on your favorite local release of last year—to this address.
– Also, please send your availability. Thank you.

End Hits: Thanks to a court order, we are no longer allowed to throw a Smashmouth CD at you when angry. Stupid laws.

Ezra Ace Caraeff is the former Music Editor for the Mercury, and spent nearly a third of his life working at the paper. More importantly, he is the owner of Olive, the Mercury’s unofficial office dog....

3 replies on “Wanted: Music Intern”

  2. Mmmm. As I am unemployed at the moment this has interest. Mind you I have bad mouthed everyone who has ever written about music for this rag. All I need to know are 3 bands: Viva Voce, The Decemberists and The Thermals. When do I start????

  3. Well, I was going to post a warning that anyone who reviews music for the Mercury should expect to be vilified, slandered, and generally insulted – but I see it’s already started.

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