I Told You This Would Happen!
BEHOLD THE END OF DAYS!
How to Make Your Own Eclipse
It’s Super Easy, Everybody
Eclipse Events Calendar!
The Only Actually Useful Thing in the Mercury’s Eclipse Issue
Fact: The Laws of God and Man Are Suspended During an Eclipse.
Plan Accordingly.
Okay, Fuck This Eclipse
Editorial Opinion by A Rooster
Eclipse Your Doubts with Totality Horoscopes!
Why Not? Everything Is Made Up Anyway
If My Conscious Is the Sun, and My Subconscious Is the Moon, Then This Eclipse Is a Pretty Good Metaphor for How I Ruined My Marriage
Hell, I’m No Philosopher
Flat Earth, Eclipsed
The Eclipse, as “Explained” by Flat-Earthers
I Am Mortified by the Attention and Apologize for the Disruption
This Is Just the Worst

Bonnie Tyler's classic 1983 song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" has increased over 500 percent in sales over the past week because of the actual total solar eclipse today, August 21.
NME reported that digital sales of the track rose 503 percent for the week ending in August 20, or an increase of over 10,000 downloads from the week before. Yesterday alone it was downloaded over 4,000 times, a 50 percent increase from the day before.
Sales seem to be continuing to rise today, as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is currently #1 on the iTunes Top Songs chart, beating out "Despacito (feat. Justin Bieber)".

This morning, Tyler sang a bit of the tune on CNN, prompting John Berman to pull out a lighter during the mini performance, making it one of the funniest moments on broadcast news I've ever seen.
Bonnie Tyler just sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on CNN from a cruise ship https://t.co/JwV2ZUOJYZ #SolarEclipse2017 pic.twitter.com/s1Z1jlGryn
— CNN (@CNN) August 21, 2017
In the video, Tyler is aboard Royal Caribbean's "Total Eclipse Cruise," or a seven-day cruise that promises "the optimal spot at sea for guests to witness the total solar eclipse." Tyler was revealed as the cruise's headliner, and of course, she will be singing the song during the eclipse, and probably over and over again throughout the rest of the night.
Bonnie Tyler: A song about an eclipse? Are you sure?
Producer: In 34 years, you'll thank me.
(Columbia Records, February 11, 1983)
— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) August 21, 2017
I don't really love this song at all (does anyone?), but props to Bonnie for being ahead of her time and becoming "the official voice of total eclipses," in the words of John Berman.