The NYT reports a rash of people in the Philippines getting literally murdered for singing poor karaoke renditions of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.”

“I used to like ‘My Way,’ but after all the trouble, I stopped singing it,” [63-year-old Rodolfo Gregorio] said. “You can get killed.”

The authorities do not know exactly how many people have been killed warbling “My Way” in karaoke bars over the years in the Philippines, or how many fatal fights it has fueled. But the news media have recorded at least half a dozen victims in the past decade and includes them in a subcategory of crime dubbed the “My Way Killings.”
…….

Karaoke-related killings are not limited to the Philippines. In the past two years alone, a Malaysian man was fatally stabbed for hogging the microphone at a bar and a Thai man killed eight of his neighbors in a rage after they sang John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” Karaoke-related assaults have also occurred in the United States, including at a Seattle bar where a woman punched a man for singing Coldplay’s “Yellow” after criticizing his version.

I think we can all agree murder is almost always “wrong,” correct? And while I despise violence to the core of my very being, I can also “understand”—THOUGH NOT CONDONE—someone going into a murderous rage following an especially poor rendition of a karaoke song. That being said, if it were somehow morally okay to murder people, what karaoke song would send you on a killing spree?

I’ll start: “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” (because I already hate that song in the first place). Your turn!

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

10 replies on “Karaoke Killers Murder Song Murderers”

  2. That 4 Non Blondes song-What’s Going On. Only a couple of times I haven’t wanted to stab myself in the eye when someone starts barking that one out.

  3. Second that, PC. Also, Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch.” Particularly if it’s a group of mid-thirties or early forties ladies (I know, what other demographic would sing this?). The whole scenario is just horrid.

  8. 1. Summer Nights, for sure. Grease makes me homicidal anyways, but there is NOTHING worse than some drunk bitch dragging her reluctant boyfriend up on stage to slaughter this god awful song.

    2. Before He Cheats. Oh my fucking god. Note to single ladies – I’m no guy so maybe I’m wrong here, but I can’t imagine guys falling over themselves to take home a woman who screeches about slashing his tires. This is especially painful when it’s multiple drunk chicks – I’ve seen 10 girls sing this one at one time. I’ll never get those 3 minutes of my life back.

    3. Picture. Mostly because I hate the original.

    —

    But the worst I ever heard, and thankfully it was only once, was this incredibly drunk dude singing George Michael’s “One More Try.” I love this song. It’s tender, and bittersweet, and I know I’ll probably get ridiculed for admitting that. But this guy, oh my god, it was so terrible I could’ve burned the bar down. Ruining a shitty pop song is one thing. Ruining a tender beautiful song that is otherwise underrated? Grounds for murder, for sure.

  9. Yeah, I’m raising my hand for pork chop’s 4 Non Blondes thing, but I’d also like to throw my other hand behind that woman who punched the guy for singing that Coldplay song. Violence is bad, etc, etc, but really, that song fucking sucks. I fully understand punching someone for singing it.

    “… and it was allllllll yellooooo — BIFF!”

    Fuck, for that matter I fully understand someone punching Gwyneth Paltrow because some asshole was warbling “Yellow” at karaoke. The bottom line is that the moment Chris Martin opens his mouth, somebody needs to catch a fist to the snout.

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