“Jud-AH! Jud-AH-AH! Jud-AH! Jud-AH-AH!” Hey guys! The new video for Lady Gaga’s “Judas” leaked all over the internet today, and it’s kind of sticky. (Who’s got a sponge?) On the upside, we should hire Lady Gaga to rewrite the entire bible. On the downside, biker Jesus totally gets cock-blocked by Judas (who’s played by that hillbilly from The Walking Dead). On another downside, Lady Gaga got her lipstick stuck in the barrel of her gun. I’m pretty sure the NRA would disapprove.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)